Secrets and Regrets
by myLink'sLady
Summary: A surprise for Inuyasha and major adjustments to be made...or not. It is for him to decide.
1. Chapter 1

Secrets and Regrets

Sesshoumaru stood silently and watched as Inuyasha drew his children to him. Five was certainly a handful but nonetheless the hanyou managed. The elder three were girls and the two youngest were twin boys who had taken their parents by surprise, Kagome and Inuyasha had thought that they had had their allocation of pups after their third daughter; fifteen years separated her from the twins and Kagome had been in her forties. Only the fact that she was mainly a woman who had come from the future had made it a healthy possibility.

The pups were true hanyous as their father was very strong and their mother's miko powers had augmented his strength in the makeup of their offspring. All five looked just like their father at first glance, their immediate colouring and puppy ears proclaimed his paternity of them but they mainly had their mother's shaped face and expressive eyes. At the moment however it was impossible to tell which pup was which as Sesshoumaru couldn't see their faces and they were all at ages that made them very similar in height.

Sesshoumaru also noted that Shippou had also come and was standing with the kitsunes that had adopted him. This had happened not very long after Kagome and Inuyasha had become mates, the kitsunes had been ousted from their ancestral den by Naraku and had gone into hiding for a while until it was safe to return. Two of the cubs had met Shippou when he was in training for the kitsune youjutsu exams and they had got on so well that the small kitsune was invited to join the group.

However the decision had been left to Shippou and he had agreed so long as he could visit the hanyou family frequently. He looked very little changed in the time that Sesshoumaru had known him, but this was no surprise considering how long it took for youkai to age and mature. In fact the thing that was surprising to him was how much had changed in the scant seventy or so years since Naraku's demise.

For Sesshoumaru and all higher youkai, life was nearly immortal and time moved unnoticed in the main; change in them was even less noticeable. Therefore he and Inuyasha looked no different now than they did when the evil was destroyed, but so much had happened since; seemingly in a blink of an eye.

Inuyasha had made his home in and around the village where the rest of his small pack had still lived and he had waited fairly patiently in and around the well for the return of Kagome. His faith had paid off even after every one else had given up and the girl from the future had come back to him and soon they'd become mates. Kagome had left everything from her time to be with the man she loved and the couple had settled in their own home in the village where Kagome took over being the Miko on the passing of Kaede.

The little house had grown with each pup until it was alive with the bustle of their noisy childhoods along with their friends and companions. Sesshoumaru had always been around at different times; he and Inuyasha had come to some form of terms which improved greatly as time progressed and the Daiyoukai had matured. Leaving Rin in the care of his brother's village had gone a long way to restoring their relationship too; Inuyasha appreciated even if he didn't say so, the trust that his brother put in his protective abilities.

Time had been both kind and cruel to the hanyou family; Kagome had given birth healthily to their five beautiful offspring and they were all very happy, far happier than Inuyasha could have believed possible even in his most secret dreams. They were all well loved in the village and surrounding areas; the fame of the Naraku defeaters was widespread and the fact that Sesshoumaru Lord of the West patronised them was not lost on any who might be tempted to spread dissension.

But no amount of devotion or love could prolong the human life beyond its allotted time of three score years and ten by much and Inuyasha and the pups had to watch Kagome and their human friends age, whilst they barely changed at all. Kagome would never see her children grow beyond their childhood and this was something she had always known; Sesshoumaru had felt it his duty as the eldest Inu youkai to warn her before she mated his brother. The only difference it had made was for the couple to postpone their family for a few years while they had time together.

Now her time had passed and the whole village had turned out for the Miko's funeral with dignitaries and other representatives sent from far and wide. Kagome was the last of Inuyasha's human pack to die, Miroku and Sango having passed on close together five years earlier. Now Sesshoumaru watched as Inuyasha attempted to comfort his pups, the eldest being only just over fifty five.

Kagome had reached eighty one years which was elderly for the days she lived in and that had been including the fifteen years of borrowed time courtesy of Tenseiga. Inuyasha hadn't even needed to ask his brother to use the sword when Kagome succumbed to cancer just after her sixty sixth birthday; Sesshoumaru had just appeared, waved the sword and then entertained his nieces and nephews while the couple privately celebrated her return to life.

But this time there was nothing that could be done for the Miko who had just drifted away as her body gave out. She slipped away peacefully after having seen the children and grandchildren of her old friends and her children including Shippou. Kouga and Ayame had even been allowed in to say their farewells. Only Inuyasha was with her though when she took her final breath, but her pups could all tell when her life force left and set up a great wail that was taken up and echoed afar.

The village had already made the funeral preparations as Kagome had been fading fast for a couple of weeks and her friends had been gathering for the last few days. She had remained sweet and coherent until the end when Sesshoumaru had had to make a near youkai Inuyasha release her body to the new Miko and her attendants.

Now though the hanyou was in full control, he had provided several large deer and wild pigs for roasting as the number of mourners was substantial and many had made journeys of more than a day, they would need sustenance before travelling back to their homes. He received the condolences of many genuine people and watched over his pups carefully. They had all howled out their grief together in the Inu way the moment Kagome died and before Inuyasha had let her go, so they were mainly spent when they watched the funeral pyre, although they all had tears running down their faces.

Inuyasha however looked very similar to Sesshoumaru, his face impassive although nobody was fooled that he didn't care; but he had to remain strong for his pups who would be frightened if he was lacking in control. They needed his strength to rely on, they'd had one of their parents die, and they would not be able to cope if the other fell to pieces. So no matter how dreadful the breaking of the mating bond was for him, Inuyasha would continue to live and work for his pups.

The next day was cold and wet; perfectly suited for everyone's mood and they all stood round sombrely as Kagome's ashes were interred beneath one of her favourite trees. Inuyasha had carved the marker himself with just her name; other words were superfluous and could never convey all that she had meant to him and his pups. The hanyou didn't realise that in a further half millennium a young mother- to- be would come across the stone in the family graveyard and find the name pretty enough to call her daughter by it in honour of the unknown girl.

Inuyasha crept out of his house later that night, leaving the pups in the care of Shippou and the kitsunes. He could not stay in the empty bed alone and sleep eluded him in any case. A pair of concerned sapphire eyes was alert and watching as Inuyasha made his way to the forest but before Kouga could follow, he was aware of the silver ghostly figure of Sesshoumaru already doing just that. The chill eyes of the Lord looked at Kouga and barely nodded but it was enough, Kouga knew that Sesshoumaru would watch out for Inuyasha that night.

The Western Lord followed Inuyasha to Goshinboku and sat down next to him waiting to be acknowledged; that came when Inuyasha held out his hand silently asking Sesshoumaru to take it. Without hesitation the youkai closed his fingers round Inuyasha's and the firm reassurance that he was not alone was welcoming to the grieving hanyou; his brother was family and not dependent on Inuyasha to be strong.

They had come a long way in the relatively few years since Naraku's death; they were now able to speak civilly to one another, Sesshoumaru often familiarly called Inuyasha Pup and they were concerned about each other in general terms. They also no longer rebelled at the idea of the physical touch in small gestures that still meant a great deal to Inuyasha who had always craved his brother's acceptance. In fact it had been Inuyasha that had initiated this when he went to console Sesshoumaru upon the death of Rin.

Rin and Kagome had become great friends and between the influence of the girls and the young pups, the brothers had become closer. Sesshoumaru rather liked the idea of being the charismatic and rather elusive uncle, as the children adored him and flocked around as soon as he was seen. It seemed strange to everyone else, the way that children seemed to be drawn to him; he did not gush over them, nor could they see any discernable warmth in his demeanour. So it was just put down to one of those inexplicable things that had no answer.

However five years ago Rin had become very ill and frail and no amount of careful nursing by Kagome who had used the remainder of her precious store of drugs from the future, could stop the inevitable and she too died peacefully with her Lord by her side; she was sixty nine. Like Kagome would be, she was greatly mourned by the village who knew her for a kind and considerate lady who always had time and a bonny smile for anybody.

Rin had never mated, preferring to stay beside Sesshoumaru for the rest of her life; she couldn't imagine being anywhere else and the pair spent many hours as they always had, in a flower field talking or companionably silent and usually with his nieces and nephews playing close by. In fact they looked the epitome of a strong happy family with the pups as well; a fact not lost on Sesshoumaru although he never commented on it.

After her funeral, where Sesshoumaru had stood like a marble pillar until all the smoke from the funeral pyre had died down, the youkai had calmly strode off into the forest followed discreetly by Inuyasha who was worried about his stoic brother. When he found him, Sesshoumaru was just standing by a moonlit pool staring at its surface; but Inuyasha could smell the tears that escaped him.

"You do not come to mock me do you Pup?" A calm voice that belied his emotion said. Instead of getting angry or aggressive, Inuyasha was understanding of the youkai's sorrow and felt compelled to be gentle. For the first time he came up to Sesshoumaru and slowly took the hand of his brother although alert to any warning from him against the familiarity; there was none, in fact the hand gripped his tightly as if to a lifeline.

"You are not alone Sesshoumaru, I and mine are your family and we care deeply for you." Inuyasha was not sure what prompted that little speech, but he had no regrets in knowing that the words were true. Sesshoumaru nodded and tightened his grip, but did not turn his head;

"There is such emptiness… he could say no more but Inuyasha felt a great sadness of his own.

"Rin was your mate in all but deed brother; of course you feel her loss, she was completely loyal to you, the very least you owe her is a few tears to regret her passing." Inuyasha choked on the words himself, but not from the same sorrow and Sesshoumaru took no offence at the intensity of his words. Inuyasha stayed all night with his sombre brother; they spoke very little and Sesshoumaru wept no more, but he gained comfort from his brother and in the morning went back with him to breakfast and an understanding but silent Kagome.

The exuberant little family in time filled the hollow void left by Rin in the Dai youkai's heart although he would never forget his human companion who he could admit in the secret places of that heart, he had loved dearly. But as he'd once informed Inuyasha, he would not mate her and become a hypocrite and when Inuyasha pushed him on the subject Sesshoumaru had growled and said there was more to it than Inuyasha knew.

Now however it was Inuyasha who needed him to be there, making sure that the bereft youkai had the lifeline to hold onto.

"You shed no tears for your mate Inuyasha? There is no shame if you wish to weep."

"I have done my fair share of that in the past Sessh, Kagome and I knew that this was coming. Now I just feel numb and cold." He sighed with a shudder and Sesshoumaru wisely said no more; but he would keep an eye on the pup for a while, knowing that Inuyasha was really in shock no matter what he said. His human half would cause him to react differently to a full blooded youkai but Sesshoumaru remembered how badly affected he had been when his father passed away and that was obviously different to a bonded mate.

They returned before dawn so that Inuyasha's pups would not have missed him as they were all early risers and in any case, they might have need of their papa. One of Sango's daughters who was herself a widow offered to stay with the family for a while and housekeep for the now motherless children and her offer was gratefully accepted by Inuyasha who still needed to provide for their everyday needs.

He did find however that the village was generous in it's support of the family and many meals and treats found their way to the front door of the small home. But Inuyasha knew it wouldn't be long before this stopped and anyway he wouldn't accept charity; he had never failed to provide and support his family in whatever they required and he wasn't about to stop now. Besides he had a lot to think about, Sesshoumaru had made him a very good offer.

"Inuyasha when you are ready, I would prefer it if you came back to live permanently at the Palace with your children."

"Why would you want that? I know we get on better but if it didn't work out…I won't put my pups at risk…they love you, let's leave it at that."

"Inuyasha, I give you my word that the pups will come to no harm from me; I am greatly fond of your offspring. I have provided for each of the boys with land of their own and the girls a substantial dowry; I wish you to see for yourself and hope you approve."

"Why Sesshoumaru, why would you do this?"

"I wish to make amends in some way for how I treated you and they are entitled to all I can offer from the Western Lands as their rightful inheritance. I am not trying to take your pups away from you, if that is your worry."

"I didn't think that, but I will need time to consider it; after all the village is their home, their friends are here."

"Pup, their friends are getting older while they stay young, do you want them to live in a place and see more of the humans die around them. Bring them to the West where at least they can have Kouga's cubs closer and befriend more youkai. Let them visit here by all means, but spare them living amongst it. I suspect that this was more Kagome's home than yours anyway; come, you already own the forest and well area, you can always patrol here."

It was all true, Inuyasha had bartered and paid for the area and he had noticed that his pups were noticing the ageing differences of the humans. Their parents hadn't hidden from them the differences between the species of youkai, human and hanyou and they had friends from all groups. But it had started to upset them when friends they knew from childhood became too old or preoccupied to play.

Life for the village gradually returned to normal, the new Miko was an efficient girl, well versed by her training from Kagome in the healing arts and she was wise for all her young years. Inuyasha saw that Sesshoumaru was correct however, he and his little family did seem to start to be on the outside more and more as time went on and he decided they should move to the West at least for a long visit and see how things went from there.

TBC


	2. Haunted

Haunted

It did not take long for the family to arrive in the West where Sesshoumaru was more than pleased to see them, even though he only showed the usual mild interest on his face. But they were given a large suite of rooms in the Royal Family Wing which was overseen by the most trusted of the Lord's guards and servants; at present only Sesshoumaru lived there since Rin had died. Jaken informed Inuyasha that Sesshoumaru would be waiting for them in the dining hall when they had all settled in.

For the next two weeks the hanyou family found that Sesshoumaru was in fact a very good host and many things were made available to the pups so they could train and play. And of course Inuyasha was always with them right in the thick of things in whatever they were doing. The Daiyoukai felt a longing deep inside as he watched them; the pups were well looked after and it was obvious Inuyasha was a good father, because although they all missed their mother acutely they were not being neglected. Inuyasha was always there for them.

He mopped up the tears and held them through the night if they awoke with night terrors; he was unfailingly supportive and never chided them for their emotional display. He spoke softly and soothed them back to sleep or smiles. As the month progressed, the children's acute distress started to mellow as they gradually found interest in other things and Inuyasha could see that they really enjoyed the life that Sesshoumaru's Palace could offer them.

There were many youkai pups around at any given time; visiting nobles and those of the household apart from Kouga and Ayame's cubs who were already well known. Thankfully it was not hard to hide the pup's time of mortality, for some reason they all had the same night; Kaede had thought that it was something that Kagome had influenced albeit unknowingly. But even though the pups knew that this night was a great secret they were not bothered as they had never been under or aware of any threat, unlike their father in childhood.

Inuyasha still stayed on guard over them all night as always but he was especially alert this first time they were without their mother. He was not surprised when the youngest ones started to get upset at bedtime and thereby starting off the older pups and soon he had all five little humans almost inconsolable and clinging to him. Inuyasha tried to sing some of the pup songs that their mother used to sing, but he too found it difficult to cope without Kagome; his voice cracked on some of the words.

There was a knock on the door and Sesshoumaru walked in and sat down, inviting the pups to come to him as well as Inuyasha and he was soon swamped. Inuyasha couldn't believe his ears when he heard a deep but sweet crooning coming from his brother and he had to swallow a lump in his throat as he witnessed the evidence of the tender affection Sesshoumaru held for the pups. Sparing a brief sideways glance at Inuyasha to make sure that he was able to keep his composure, the Youkai Lord kept on the low songs until the pups started to drift to sleep.

To Inuyasha's surprise he too found a gentle hand rub at the base of his ears and then run down his mane, but before he could say anything it had gone. However, it left a warmth behind that was truly comforting and unexpected; Sesshoumaru had never touched him so tenderly before. All in all Inuyasha was left contemplating once again why his brother had not yet mated and had pups of his own.

A week later it was the moonless night and Inuyasha's turn to become human and this time he was alone. Just after Kagome's death he had been surrounded by friends and hardly noticed the change although he didn't go out; Kouga and Ayame had kept watch on him and the pups and the children still didn't know that he changed at all. Even though things were much safer for him now he still kept it a fairly guarded secret, his caution had been hard won.

This night however, everything crashed round him and with no Kagome keeping watch with him Inuyasha was lonelier than he had been since he'd been freed from the tree. As if they waited for the sunset, his feelings of loss intensified and his youkai receded allowing him to grieve and this time there was no one with him to allay them.

Inuyasha had to get out of the room, he didn't want his pups to be frightened if they awoke and found their father in a state, so he fled outside to the private garden and then through to the stables where he found Ah-Un. The familiar beast raised one head to regard the hanyou turned human and blew down his noses before shuffling his huge body round to allow space for Inuyasha to shelter behind him.

Sesshoumaru found him ten minutes later, hidden in the defensive guard of the dragon and was reminded strongly of a time long past when the tiny pup Inuyasha had been fiercely protected by the animal. Ah-Un had a strong affinity with children; he had been careful and gentle with Rin in the same way that he had been earlier with the infant hanyou. There had been a time when Inuyasha had travelled with his brother and whenever that 'care' had been too severe, Inuyasha would find solace with the beast of burden and had been comforted that his tears mattered to someone.

Ah-Un may not have had the power of speech anymore than Kilala had, but that didn't stop their intelligences. He knew this boy from old and remembered other times when the pup had been human and in need of his warmth; his master had always allowed the concern in the past and the animal knew that that hadn't changed and so he had not disturbed the human when his brother had approached. He just listened to Inuyasha as he spoke of his heartbreak and nuzzled the boy's cheek and licked away the tears.

Sesshoumaru also listened to Inuyasha for a moment as he talked to the dragon about his regrets on the differences between his mother Izayoi's death and funeral to Kagome's. His mate's life with him and their pups contrasted so tellingly with that of his mother's with him, that Inuyasha's comparison caused his sorrow to suddenly overflow and he was left able to grieve for his Kagome finally. Placing a calming hand to the heads of his dragon, Sesshoumaru came round to sit down next to the hanyou turned human.

"I see you have found your old friend in your need for comfort Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru's tone was not condescending in the way it would have been in times past, in fact he sounded a little sad and his hand once again rested on his brother's head stroking him. Inuyasha leaned in to the caress while wiping his eyes and mumbling about lack of control when human to which Sesshoumaru just smiled. But thinking to take the boy's mind of his grief for a while the Youkai took a calculated risk and made the comment;

"I think Ah-Un missed having you around at least until Rin came to join us." He watched the human carefully for his response, unsurprised when Inuyasha pulled away from him slightly and muttered _'Feh!' _It was time forSesshoumaru to make things good if he could; watching Inuyasha and the pups had made him realise how much he had missed out in family life and although he and his brother had buried their differences it had been in an all too passive way. Now the Youkai wanted to repair, not just paper over the past.

"Oh Inuyasha, I have always known how you felt about Rin; I know you felt betrayed by myself as a whelp and you are right. I have many regrets of the past where you are concerned and I wish to make amends if possible. I would like you to believe me when I tell you that I have regretted our past for many years now."

"I never hated the kid Sesshoumaru, and she became a good friend; I just wished…"

"I do understand Inuyasha; believe me, you would be surprised at how well I know you. And now I know you are tired, you can sleep I will allow no harm to come to you." He smiled slightly at the boy who had turned his huge amethyst eyes to his face as if to judge the elder's sincerity. Then Sesshoumaru was warmed as Inuyasha leaned his head on his brother's shoulder and closed his eyes. As they both leaned against the dragon's flank, Sesshoumaru freed his arm to put around Inuyasha's shoulder and felt the younger boy relax into sleep.

But although Inuyasha found the oblivion of sleep, the same could not be said of Sesshoumaru. How would he ever be able to begin to explain the unnatural hatred he had felt for the hanyou for so many years. A hatred that had made him issue death threats that he had never been able to bring himself to carry out; but had allowed unspeakable cruelties in word and deed that had sapped the youngster's self confidence, strength and self worth constantly. How could Inuyasha even begin to understand or forgive the motivation when the perpetuator couldn't?

Sesshoumaru remembered the very real hatred he had for Izayoi and her unborn child; it had fermented over her pregnancy and then when the General gave his last strength protecting them, the hatred had become vitriolic. Sesshoumaru's very beloved father was no more because of that unnecessary sacrifice and the grief of the son festered. But Sesshoumaru's shame went even deeper than anything else that he had admitted to anyone except for Rin.

That was something he doubted he could ever admit to Inuyasha though; the hanyou's deep seated jealousy of the human girl, although well disguised to others, was obvious to his brother and always had been. But Rin had deserved to know why Sesshoumaru would never mate with her and it all had to do with Inuyasha; a fact that she did understand and accepted, deciding that she would stay with her Lord despite it.

In return, Sesshoumaru was loyal to her as well, never taking a youkai mate and giving Rin all of himself that he could without compromising their integrity. It was enough for her, it had had to be; although she privately regretted not being able to have her own puppy eared children. Sesshoumaru knew of her desire and didn't like to deny her but there was nothing to be done except to regret the overwhelming pride and arrogance of his youth.

While Sesshoumaru was thinking, Inuyasha had slumped down in his sleep and now lay with his head against his brother's leg which was not comfortable so the youkai manoeuvred him into his lap and stroked his hair to settle him again. It felt strange to be in such a trusted position with Inuyasha but it was surprisingly welcome and fulfilling to be able to care for the hanyou in the way that Inuyasha cared about his pups; but it brought sadness too, one of lost opportunities for him. His father had tried to tell him, teach him the value of life that was not as seemingly strong as he was, but to no avail; the youkai adolescent was just too sure that he and not his parent was right.

_FLASHBACK_

"Your father wishes to speak with you Sesshoumaru" his beautiful mother said. The proud young Inu Youkai merely bowed and walked to his father's study entering with permission. The Dai Youkai did not ask his son to sit in his presence but he did come round to stand beside him; then putting his hands on Sesshoumaru's shoulders he turned the boy to face him. His son was always so serious and so proper that the general found the news he had received hard to understand but he needed answers.

"I have received a letter from the human prince that took shelter with us when I went to fight the border skirmish. The Prince is angry Sesshoumaru about a grave insult given his family, do you know what he is talking about."

"No, of course not Father. The whole time you were away nobody was rude or coarse in any way to the humans here. Ask mother, she heard of no complaints."

"Do not insult my intelligence Sesshoumaru, this insult has taken three months to come to notice. It appears that someone of this household made free with the Princess and she has become pregnant."

"How does it become our problem Father, could they not guard their princess more carefully? What are they after, compensation? How typically human." Sesshoumaru was hardly containing his scorn but his father's face was stern.

"Apparently the princess has told her parents that the father of her child is youkai, highborn and beautiful. It narrows things down a bit; don't you think my son, even if she did not give the name?" The general's knowing golden eyes stared into the paling face of his offspring. Sesshoumaru knew better than to dissemble with his father, the general did not suffer fools gladly and his son was not normally a fool.

"I thought her the maid; she was not forced and enjoyed the sport as much as I."

"Then you were both young fools; I do not have to tell you that your mother and I are highly displeased with this situation. We must now work out what to do about their despoiled princess and give her some honour back or we will have more trouble on our doorstep from the humans."

"Why should that matter to us, they can never touch our citadels?"

"It matters Sesshoumaru as I have told you before, and just because we have a superior power does not make it right that the princess is pregnant because you chose to ignore your upbringing and act in the disgraceful way of a common soldier at war." The general never had to raise his voice to discipline his son, the boy however sure and arrogant he looked adored his father and hated his anger directed at him.

"You have cheapened yourself and the human girl most ignobly and I wish to hear what you intend to do about it. The princess is now in danger from her family and society as is her unborn…your child."

"Surely there are herbs or inducements to end the pregnancy, women abort all the time." Sesshoumaru couldn't see the problem but his father once again just stared at him.

"You would terminate a life because it is inconvenient to you; this is your pup of which you speak."

"I will not be father to a bastard hanyou."

"You really need to learn compassion Sesshoumaru; I forgive your words because you do not know the delights and realities of having a child. It may very well be hanyou but it will be born of your seed, your son or daughter; there is nothing to compare with having your own child in your arms."

"I will not recognise any hanyou child father, they are a disgrace."

"That is something you should have thought of before my son, you anticipated the pleasures of a mated adult and now you are faced with the consequences. What would you do?"

"Nothing, I will denounce the woman and her vile offspring; if you prefer I can go and kill it with a dose of my poison." Sesshoumaru was getting angry; recognising this and the fact the boy was scared and had had this sprung on him, his father dismissed him with instructions to say nothing to anyone as of yet.

Over the following months Sesshoumaru however didn't change his mind to the disappointment of both his parents; in fact if anything his disgust of the situation he felt he was forced into made him hate the girl and her pup. His mother knew that the disgrace would eventually fall on him and was only sorry that the pregnancy hadn't been discovered earlier when miscarriage would have been easier. His father however loved all life and would not have countenanced the girl to be forced in any way to give up her child.

The general had made a point of visiting the princess regularly to check on her so that her family was wary of him and wouldn't hurt the girl and also so that Sesshoumaru could not 'forget' his responsibility. Then once the girl was six months pregnant and definitely showing she was hidden away in the palace of her father so no one would know her shame and she grew pale and sad; she was not much more than a child herself and was becoming scared for her future and that of the pup.

Sesshoumaru's self shame and stubborn pride caused his hate to grow deep roots but his father wouldn't let him off his responsibilities until one day, worried about the girl and his grandchild, the general with the consent of his mate admitted publicly that the child was his. The Princess and the pup would be moved to the Palace of the West as soon as the pup was born, at least they would be safe and cared for away from the animosity of the humans.

There was a last ditch effort from the Daiyoukai to his son.

"It will not be long before the princess succumbs to the frailties of her humanity Sesshoumaru and the pup will still be very young and in need of a caring parent. It is not too late for you to 'adopt' him; you will not be encumbered by the mother for very long. What will you call him?"

"Nothing father, he can be called Inuyasha for all I care, I may have caused his life but he is not my son; I offered ways to be rid of the abomination even to the point of finding the girl a suitable husband if she disposed of it. My obligations ceased to her or the whelp when you claimed him. It will be bad enough to have to call him half brother. Still there is always time to hope he will die in childbirth."

"I do not know where you get your callous attitude Sesshoumaru; it is not something you inherited from me or even your mother. I love you dearly and always shall, and nothing you do or say will stop that love; but I am sorely disappointed in you and can only question your sense of honour. One thing it does show though is how young you still are; you are not in any way responsible enough to be a father, thankfully at least the princess shows more maturity. Now remove yourself from my sight, at the moment you sicken me."

The father watched the son leave with a heavy heart; he had seen the sheen of tears in Sesshoumaru's eyes and knew that his son hated to dismissed from his father in such a way but it was necessary, the boy had to learn, after all the tiny hanyou would soon be a part of his world too. But the general would not leave his son in a state of despair and went to Sesshoumaru's rooms before he retired to bed.

Sitting next to the boy, he pulled the sullen pup to him and stroked his hair knowing that Sesshoumaru would welcome the soothing contact after the harsh words and the father would never let his son worry or go to sleep thinking he might not be forgiven. Besides he remained optimistic; with the pup running around eventually, Sesshoumaru would soften and perhaps a brotherly relationship would be better for them in any case. He had a last word to say however for his son to think on;

"You are weakened by your hate as opposed to empowered by your love Sesshoumaru, consider this my beloved son; your mother and I only want the best for you."

"Very well my father, I will think on what you say." And he meant it; as he snuggled sleepily into his father's secure and safe arms.

TBC


	3. Questions Needing Answers

Questions Needing Answers

The memories were disturbing Sesshoumaru which in turn were disturbing Inuyasha who started to shift around, but he was settled again by the petting of his hair. The Lord looked down on the sleeping human, he could see Izayoi clearly in the now veiled violet eyes and obviously the hair but the rest was just like his father; the shape of face and the dark brows that were so familiar. Perhaps if there had been more physical evidence that Inuyasha took after him it would have helped Sesshoumaru to accept him earlier and prevent the harshness of the treatment that was always Inuyasha's lot.

Sesshoumaru knew he alone was to blame for the way things had turned out, Inuyasha looked too like his mother and grandfather and all Sesshoumaru's anger at those two had been meted out in frustration on the pup. As he stared down at the face of his son he got a shock that was the first time he had ever considered Inuyasha as his child; oh yes, technically he had always known but he had never once let the thought flow freely in his mind, he'd always corrected it to 'brother'.

Even when speaking his darkest secret to Rin and admitting to her that Inuyasha was his offspring, he almost immediately qualified it with feeling he was really like his brother not father. Most often he had spoken it scornfully at Inuyasha. But now Sesshoumaru was confused and admitted to himself he was perturbed; he held his son asleep in his arms much as his own father had used to hold him and the feeling was suddenly different, as if the acknowledgement had changed their relationship irrevocably for him.

The feelings he had had growing for his _brother _were much stronger now that Inuyasha was his _son_; the hatred was all gone as if it had never been, not a vestige of loathing was left and Sesshoumaru became scared. What was he to do, how could he or should he, approach Inuyasha with this revelation? One thing for certain was he could not spring it on the boy in one go or Inuyasha would run.

Why couldn't this have happened earlier, when the pup had needed him and his protection; why now when Inuyasha was almost full grown? Why could it not have come and stopped him from his irrational cruelty and obsessive hatred when Inuyasha was so young and alone? Why had he never tried to see what his father and mother had tried to teach him?" What was he going to do now? If he and Inuyasha were human, Sesshoumaru might try to live keeping the knowledge to himself until the day he died but they were youkai, living for far too long to live with such a lie hanging over them; besides which he had grandpups and wanted them to know it.

It was not entirely selfish, Inuyasha would know that Sesshoumaru was hiding something; he always did and the trust he wanted to grow between them as brothers would be thwarted. So the sooner Inuyasha knew, the sooner they could try to become the father and son his own father wished them to be. Sesshoumaru didn't try to fool himself that this was going to be an easy road and he had no qualms in using the pups to keep Inuyasha near to him.

He could tell that the pups wanted to stay in the Palace and Inuyasha wouldn't leave them, nor would he uproot them for the wandering life; it was not what he wanted for them. Inuyasha needed almost desperately to give his pups stability and a place to belong and be loved and safe, unlike in his own life. The thought made Sesshoumaru feel such remorse and he tightened his grip on Inuyasha enough to waken him from his sleep.

"Ow Sessh, you don't know your own strength; I won't be hanyou for a few more minutes yet."

"Minutes Inuyasha? You have not long been asleep."

"Feh, you lost your sense of timing or something, dawn is only five minutes away." He laughed at his brother's face when Sesshoumaru realised he had been thinking all night. But looking again at his son's expression, his heart for the first time swelled with pure love for the boy, his boy, his son and it was all he could do not to hug him tightly which would astound and unnerve Inuyasha at the moment. Perhaps it would come, Sesshoumaru hoped so; but how was he to bring up the subject and should he?

As it happened later on, Inuyasha started the ball rolling; he had been watching his children at play as they tackled one another in mock battle with Sesshoumaru standing by his side. Inuyasha felt he could get used to this feeling, the safe and comradely brother who laughed gently at the antics of the pups with him. That feeling intensified when his brother turned to him with an identical smile on his face to Inuyasha's own, sharing the amusement of the pups that were swarming over one of the guards. The hanyou decided that now was the time to talk with Sesshoumaru.

"Sessh…can I speak to you without you getting angry?"

"I cannot promise something so abstract Pup, but I will not harm you for just a question."

"I suppose that's not really what I meant to ask, I mean don't think badly of me or stop talking back to me."

"Ask your questions freely Inuyasha, then we shall see." Sesshoumaru was mildly amused at the way Inuyasha beat about the bush but a rush of guilt swiftly followed, as he thought about the slight trepidation in his voice too. He compared it to the freedom of speech the pups had with their father and that which he had had with his own, certain in the knowledge that they could say and do anything without fear that their father would hurt them. Inuyasha of course, didn't know the truth yet but he shouldn't be concerned that his brother would take umbrage either.

"My pups Sessh, they love it here, its safe and I like it here too but they are hanyou just like me…I know you feel better about me now but its not been that long…perhaps you will regret it in the future; Sessh, tell me why you never mated Rin…please it's important."

"Why Inuyasha? It is a private matter and was between This Sesshoumaru and Rin." The question took Sesshoumaru by surprise and he didn't see what the answer could possibly mean to Inuyasha right now. But the hanyou was alerted to the fact of a significant reason by the evasion and the use of his brother's imperial speech. But it was not an idle question even if it was intrusive of his brother's privacy.

"I know, but it is important. You love pups, I need to know if the reason you didn't was…because I disgust you still so much that you would hate to have hanyou offspring of your own. If that's true, we can't stay here…it wouldn't be fair to you. Deprive yourself of kids and then have me thrust mine on you…we could leave and come back for visits." Silence followed Inuyasha's words and Sesshoumaru looked out at the noisy pups and said;

"Tonight, tonight I will give you my reasons for not mating Rin, but now it is time for our evening meal." He raised his voice slightly and called "Pups it's time for your baths before dinner." They came immediately clamouring for their Papa and Uncle Sessh all at the same time and once again that wave of inexorable sadness passed through the elder. He followed them sedately although with great interest, as they raced with their father giving chase, back across the lawns.

Would Inuyasha ever call him Father in terms of affection, perhaps even Papa and why did Sesshoumaru want him too? What had changed suddenly and why_ so_ suddenly, this hadn't been a feeling that had come on his Lordship gradually? To his mind it was suspicious although undeniable, but he didn't know what to do about it and he hated to not have a firm grip on the situation. He had a horrible feeling that soon things were going to spiral out of his control; so setting his mind to thinking while they ate the evening meal and settled the children down for bed, he came to Inuyasha later at least mildly prepared for what he was to say.

When Inuyasha returned to the warm fire and comfortable cushions of the area they all preferred to relax in after putting his pups to bed, Sesshoumaru was waiting for him with glasses of warmed wine. The hanyou could sense the tense unease of his brother and was sorry that he had felt the need to have his question answered but he did, so he tried to lighten the atmosphere.

"It's so bad what you want to tell me, that I have to be drunk first?" He joked but it fell a bit flat.

"Of course not Inuyasha; a glass of wine is not strong enough for that."

"Kagome and I would never have more than one each; she said it made me silly."

"Then it is time to train you to take more than one isn't it?" He gave Inuyasha the glass and they both were silent while they enjoyed it and then Sesshoumaru poured them both another. He noticed that Inuyasha was not 'silly' with the wine and put it down to Kagome's sometimes overly cautious nature. Halfway through the third glass however, Inuyasha was noticeably mellow and Sesshoumaru recommended that if he wanted to stay awake he should go easy on the rest of the glass.

The Daiyoukai sighed when he saw how easily Inuyasha followed his advice, the pup was not normally aggressive in the first instance; he usually was responsive and defensive and when he felt secure he was quite congenial and obviously still young. Sesshoumaru sat down in the chair near to the fire, he didn't need the warmth as yet but it was still a comfortable setting and he found he needed that to his annoyance. Then surprisingly Inuyasha came and sat on a cushion by his brother's feet and leaned against his leg, answering Sesshoumaru's unasked question;

"It feels nice now you have accepted me and I like it when you pet me and scratch my ears." The voice was soft and slightly slow showing that Inuyasha was definitely feeling the effects of the wine although he was far from inebriated; in fact he was just relaxed and open, which was just what Sesshoumaru wanted. Giving in to the hint, the youkai settled his hand on Inuyasha's head and gently ran his fingers round the base of his pup's ears finding the involuntary twitching they did amusing.

"I too am pleased that you no longer hate me Inuyasha and I gain great pleasure from knowing your pups."

"I never hated you Sessh…sometimes I wished I could but…" Was the surprising reply and Sesshoumaru knew the boy did not lie; there was no scent of deceit from him at all. However he ignored replying to the statement and asked a question of his own.

"Do you trust me Inuyasha; do you know that I will never lie to you?"

"Feh, of course, you only lied to me once and you stayed far enough away so's I couldn't tell and that was with the Un-mother. Mind you, it was a dirty trick."

"For that I apologise too, I despised myself at the time for allowing Jaken to influence me in it; but it brings me to something I wish to clarify…"

"Go on."

"It is not easy to put to words; I find that much of the time in my dealings with you that it is not you so much that I hated, as myself for not dealing properly with you. I acted so far beneath myself and with such self disgust and abhorrence that I always took the anger it caused out on you again, making a repetitive cycle I did not have the strength to break. Not that that knowledge will be any consolation for your injuries at my hands."

It took a while for Inuyasha to digest just what it was that Sesshoumaru was saying.

"Does that mean you _didn't_ hate me?"

"Unfortunately no; but it was more the very thought of you I hated, not you personally and then everything became bound tightly together in my actions and I ended up acting unworthy of my position and place in Father's heart and leaving you the one that suffered because of it."

"Oh." Inuyasha would have pulled away from his brother by now but for the steady and reassuring petting of his head that told him things had indeed changed, even more than Sesshoumaru's words could do. Sesshoumaru suddenly felt he needed to clarify his thoughts to both Inuyasha and himself.

"If I could have my time over again I would do things so very differently, although I am aware it is only because of growing maturity that I realise this; but Inuyasha, believe me when I say there is much I truly regret from the past and that now I am glad and very happy that you wish to stay here with the pups. The Palace is your rightful home."

Inuyasha could hear the sincerity and regret in Sesshoumaru's words and tone; there was no lie hiding for some as yet unknown betrayal of the younger brother. So now it was time for the original question to be answered and Inuyasha hadn't forgotten it for all Sesshoumaru's sidetracking. He turned his golden eyes up to look straight into his brother's, as if searching for the truth of Sesshoumaru's mysteries, but they eluded him, his brother was unreadable.

Very aware of Inuyasha's scrutiny, Sesshoumaru started to speak; his agitation only shown by the swift movement to get another glass of wine.

"Your concern that I did not mate Rin because I did not wish to sire hanyou pups is erroneous and you and your family are not a replacement for my lack. You do not disgust me Inuyasha, you haven't done so for far longer than you realise; even before we were reconciled, although I was still bearing a grudge for something that you couldn't possibly help."

"Rin loved you; you would have been very happy with her…"

"Inuyasha I will tell you some of my reasons but not all, Rin understood and accepted them but that is all you need to know right now." There was no reply from Inuyasha just a look of encouragement and Sesshoumaru knew that this was at least a good way to broach the difficult subject but he couldn't just come out and say it, he didn't think the boy would believe him.

"I… have a son Inuyasha, he was not planned by either his mother or myself and although he knows me he acknowledges another as father and in return was accepted as son. He does not know I am his real father."

"Oh Sessh, I'm so sorry; that's must be terrible." And Inuyasha actually got up and put his arm round Sesshoumaru's shoulders in commiseration. His reaction surprised the youkai and even more so when the boy added; "Who took him away from you? I can't imagine how you felt…if it were my pups I'd be devastated. Do you see him often? Fancy knowing your son believes another to be his father, isn't there anything we can do? Did father agree to this? Surely he could have done something, what about the mother, did you love her and have to give her up as well?

"This is awful Sessh; surely the pup's old enough to know the truth now, his sense of smell must tell him, you can't keep this sort of thing from an Inu especially if he has inherited any of your abilities or was this something that was more recent? Oh no, is he only a little whelp now? "

If the situation hadn't got the makings of a tragedy, Sesshoumaru might have laughed at the string of questions from Inuyasha, but he noted with fondness that Inuyasha was willing to comfort and help him if there was anything to be done about salvaging the relationship. As it was he set about trying to calm the distraught hanyou down before he could answer his questions.

Obviously he couldn't tell Inuyasha the complete brutal truth, even a full youkai wouldn't take that very well never mind a half human who would be devastated. All things considered, Sesshoumaru thought it was going to be a long evening and he found to his horror that he was nervous; the thought that Inuyasha would leave when he found out the truth was not to be countenanced.

"Perhaps pup, if I was like you and already knew the delights of having offspring, I too would have fought to keep my son; unfortunately I was very young and arrogant about the matter, not even listening to my parents who tried to get me to take responsibility. I was in my middle adolescence; it is only as I have grown that I feel the miss of him as my son so very much now."

"Do I know him Sessh, he is my nephew; does he know me, or was all this before I was born?"

"It was indeed before and around the time of your birth Inuyasha; as I said I was very young."

"Tell me how it came about that _you _were a naughty boy then Sessh." Inuyasha said teasing and smiling at his 'brother'. "I always imagined you were such a good little model youkai." He started to snigger then and broke into laughter at the look Sesshoumaru bestowed on him.

"I was indeed a model pup Inuyasha; I learned my lessons well and always strived to succeed, but I was an only child for so long that I was pampered and spoiled as well as deeply loved by my parents. On one of Father's absences we had guests in the Palace; it was my job to make sure they were comfortable." At this point he had to completely ignore Inuyasha's knowing smirk.

"One night a girl bumped into me in the corridor and I have to admit that I was as taken with her beauty as she was with me and one thing led to another and during their stay I met with her nightly. Three months later father called me to his office and told me that the girl was a Princess and was now expecting my pup."

TBC


	4. Sinking In

Sinking In

"Wow Sessh, a Princess, you and dad don't do things by halves do you? I suppose being a Prince yourself though it's no surprise, not that being a Princess meant a lot to my mama once I arrived. She was all but ostracised wasn't she?"

"I am truly sorry about that now Inuyasha. What happened to you and your mother would not do so again."

"Yeah, I know, but you only get one chance at this life; still it's over now and I know you were only a kid really."

"You give me excuses for my atrocious behaviour?"

"Well having my own kids, they can be a pain but they are only kids, they'll grow out of it. Hell I was only your age when I was born, when I met Kagome…that make any sense to you?"

"Yes Inuyasha, you were in your middle adolescent then and so was she and wasn't it obvious to all? But you were far kinder to that little fox than I was to you."

"Feh! I knew what it was like to grow up with no one caring about you, experience is a great teacher; I didn't want Shippou to know any of that. You had been a spoilt brat like you said, probably never really thought about my existence other than when you wanted to kill me." He paused at the troubled expression on Sesshoumaru's face.

"Oy, its over no need to dwell on all that now, we need to think about what to do to get your kid back."

"He may not wish to know the truth Inuyasha, he is still a pup; it might spoil the relationship we have now."

"I'll bet he already suspects something and would like to know, probably already asked his mother; you could make discreet inquiries if you still know the family. If I was the kid I'd want to know." He didn't notice the shock on Sesshoumaru's face as the Daiyoukai pulled a bell to get a servant to serve refreshments; but he heard the slight tremor in the voice as he replied;

"You would wish to know?"

"Well yeah, who wants to live a lie all their lives, his senses must be confusing him; it won't be long before he finds out himself, I mean if his parents know the truth, he should know as well even if no one else has to. But if he finds out that everyone else knows but him, he'll stop trusting them and you could lose him altogether."

"Sometimes it is not so simple Inuyasha, he would then question why..." He stopped but it was too late and Inuyasha picked him up on it.

"I suppose he _would _wonder why you didn't mate his mother; why didn't you? Surely even if you were too young you could have been promised and then your son would at least have known you as his father."

"It was offered that I become an integral part of his life, encouraged even, but I was not ready to be a parent and thankfully another option became available. Father and even mother wanted me to carry out my responsibilities to my son and his mother but I was too self obsessed to see the sense of what they were saying. I was not in love with the young woman; I thought her a maid…she did not inform me otherwise."

"So in other words the kid is better off being brought up in a loving family eh Sessh; well I have to agree that you were probably too young to be a dad." He smirked again which annoyed Sesshoumaru into making an unguarded reply yet again.

"And how would you possibly know how mature I was at the time Inuyasha?"

"Are you kidding? Coo, there was one time I remember in particular, I was only a little pup, it had to be about the second time I saw you 'cos I asked if you if you were sure you were really my brother and not my dad. I know I was confused at the time, all the other children I saw had brothers who weren't much older or bigger than they were; the bigger people were their dads. It was an honest mistake; don't you remember?

"You went off absolutely alarming at mama with your, _'just what have you been telling him you indiscreet bitch?' _It was almost better than one of my tantrums; I found out just what you thought of me then, I thought you were going to kill us both. It made a great scene for the villagers, me crying and screaming and trying to stop you hurting mama. The villagers smirked and whispered for weeks after that. Not what I call mature."

He sank into silence, remembering and suddenly hearing as if for the first time his brother's remembered sentence; as did Sesshoumaru who was now also waiting for the penny to drop and anticipating Inuyasha's reaction with apprehension. It seemed that the wine had finally got to the hanyou; he sat staring into the fire with no discernable expression that Sesshoumaru could see from the corner of his eye, until he got up and remarked that the time was late and he should turn in. Sesshoumaru merely nodded, knowing that Inuyasha was going to need to think.

However Inuyasha didn't go to his rooms immediately, he went into the gardens to sit in a tree; his mind was trying to convince him of things he didn't want to contemplate and yet would not go away until he had. Soon he became aware of Sesshoumaru approaching slowly and golden eyes met with guarded expressions until Inuyasha spoke quietly;

"Tell me that you made certain that your son was left with loving parents Sesshoumaru; tell me that he grew up wanted and safe in a Palace with his Mama and adopted father, tell me he is happy and contented as your son should be. Please tell me that is true."

"I cannot affirm all those things Pup, but he has known and is loved now; I believe he has known happiness and contentment."

"Sesshoumaru, please, I need to be alone right now…but if I ask you something that might sound ridiculous, would you answer me or get all angry again?"

"You may ask anything without fearing my anger Inuyasha." Once again Sesshoumaru was saddened that Inuyasha thought he would be harmed, but of course he understood the trepidation his pup felt. He waited but there was no question forthcoming from the boy.

"I can't ask right now, it won't sound right. Please…Sessh leave me; I'll perhaps have this sorted out by morning, things look different in daylight." Then he turned his head away from Sesshoumaru and listened as the youkai walked away. Later it was Sesshoumaru who waited, listening for the hanyou to go to bed; only being able to retire when he knew that his son was also finally able to go and rest.

Two hours later though he awakened abruptly, knowing someone was in his private chambers and watching him; scent telling him it was the youngest of Inuyasha's three daughters, Kaede. She was his secret favourite of the pups as she reminded him of Rin when she was a child; serious and sweet, happy and wise for her years and completely unafraid but respectful of him. She was just standing there patiently, knowing that he would immediately sense her and wake without needing to be touched.

"Something ails you Kaede?" He said, noticing the puppy ears on her head were lying flat, a tell tale sign of upset all the pups had inherited from their father.

"I'm alright Uncle, but Papa is crying and calling out for Mama; I know you can look after him."

"Of course I will Kaede, you know he misses your Mama and he is going to be sad sometimes, are the other pups awake too? Shall I send in your nurse?"

"No, it's just me, I didn't wake the others or Papa would be cross; he doesn't think pups should know anything or have any worries. Mama said he was overprotective sometimes but he never changes."

"Very well pup, will you go back to bed and sleep while I go to your Papa?"

"Yes Uncle Sesshoumaru." Kaede said, her reply sounding vaguely familiar to Rin's old _'Yes Lord_ _Sesshoumaru.' _making him smile briefly before he walked her to her bed and tucked her back in, then going to Inuyasha's rooms to sort out his own pup. He found Inuyasha outside his room and in the garden just sitting by the pond and staring down into it, in his hands he clutched an old red ball.

Only Inuyasha could see the images in the pool, but Sesshoumaru knew who it was he was envisaging, he remembered the pose from the time of the Un-mother; so Kaede was mistaken, it was not his pups' mama he was upset over but his own. Inuyasha was so inside himself that he didn't notice when Sesshoumaru came to sit by him or that his was no longer the only reflection. It was only when the youkai put his arm around the shoulders of his son that Inuyasha reacted and turned his tearstained face to look blankly into Sesshoumaru's.

"Don't take Father away from me please Sesshoumaru; he died protecting me, he loved me and Mama. If he'd lived he would have visited and cared for us; I wouldn't have taken him away from you and your Mama."

"Of course I won't take Father away from you; he saved you and he loved you, there is and never has been any question of that. He was going to bring you both to the Palace to live once you were born."

"All those times Mama told me stories about him and how beautiful and kind he was, how proud he would have been of me, how much I was wanted…"

"They were all true Inuyasha, all of them."

"But it was not him she described when she spoke of _my_ father, I always thought her tears were because my father had been killed and she missed him, not that he hated her and left her with an half breed brat that estranged her from all she had ever known and loved before. I did at least believe that I was wanted…"

"How can you think otherwise? Your mother would do nothing to harm her pregnancy even when encouraged to do so. She loved and wanted you, I have never doubted that."

"You'd have wanted her to get rid of me wouldn't you? No don't answer that, I know. It was bad enough when I thought my brother wanted me dead, I don't understand; all those things you did to me, said to me, I couldn't do to my kids, hell I find it hard enough to spank them when they need it."

"You are a good father Inuyasha; you are very like Father in the way you love children and see to their needs. My character is different."

"Not so different; you loved Rin and were good with her and Kohaku, you adore my pups. It was only me you couldn't stand and to think that I thought at least I'd been created in love, not as the by blow of some quick illicit tumbles by kids without self control." There was nothing Sesshoumaru could say at the moment to these accusations, he didn't want to anger Inuyasha further, but then the tone changed.

"She loved you, you know; despite all the things you said and did to us, she loved you. Never had a cross word, always tried to show me a better side to you no matter what and I would be punished if I berated you. She explained how sad you were over your father's death and always hoped that one day you would come and care for me when she no longer could."

"Inuyasha, Izayoi didn't love me; how could she? We barely knew each other."

"She was a human girl Sessh; Kagome told me it took her about ten minutes to fall in love with me once I'd stopped trying to kill her. Mama would have taken one look at you and fallen hook, line and sinker; especially if you were making love to her, girls are romantic; she always hoped you would come back to her. I heard her speak of you often enough, telling me how gentle and kind my father could be; only I didn't realise it was you."

Neither did Sesshoumaru, he had been considerate of Izayoi's youth and human frailty when they were together and could admit the girl had beauty or he would not have been enticed; he had not realised that she had feelings for him though, not that it would have changed anything. He did recognise gratefully however that she had obviously made the most of any optimism she had left to try to give her little boy hope, hope that one day he would be acceptable to his father.

Sesshoumaru could now look back with older eyes on the youth he had been and he recognised with horror at how very young Izayoi was to be left with the certain knowledge that she and her pup would never be acceptable to her parents or relatives and that he had left them to face such disdain uncomforted by his presence. Yet despite all, she had been able to give his child a loving first few years before she succumbed to illness and died, leaving the boy at the mercy of people who hated him. Sesshoumaru's Father had been correct, Izayoi was a remarkable girl and far more mature than he had been at the time.

He had never given her a scrap of praise or kindness once, after she refused to let him abort their pup; just the opposite and although he never harmed her physically, his continual professed abhorrence of her and Inuyasha had taken its toll and she had nothing left in reserve once her illness took a hold. And Inuyasha was right, the girl had never condemned him either to his face or behind his back or betrayed the truth of their relationship to any who might at the time tried to have benefited from his disgrace.

When he compared Izayoi to Rin at the same age he could see the similarities, although Izayoi was obviously not quite as correct in her behaviour as his near mate; she had been fun and happy. But she was a child nonetheless that he had ruined and then refused responsibility; they had both taken the chance with their affair but only she carried the burden. If anyone had done the same thing to Rin they would be dead; but Sesshoumaru would never have tossed her and her child away as he had done his own son and his mother.

The Daiyoukai remembered finding out Izayoi had died and was ashamed of the relief he had felt knowing that the girl was finally gone.

_FLASHBACK_

Sesshoumaru was surprised to come across the despised whelp of his out on his own in the forest. The brat was attempting to make a fire to presumably cook the fish that was gutted and hanging on a green stick. He looked an unkempt mess; his clothes were dirty and his face and hands grimy with evidence of tears still in the trails of dirt on his cheeks. So engrossed in what he was trying to do Inuyasha didn't at first notice the tall silvery figure who usually found some way of making his life miserable.

They were not strangers to each other but Sesshoumaru's visits were never pleasant occasions and this time was no different. The older youkai sneered at his 'brother's' feeble fire and caught up the dishevelled hair which had become matted with leaves and twigs in his claws. Ignoring the yelping of the pup caused from having his hair nearly pulled out by the roots, Sesshoumaru smirked nastily and swiped his other hand across the hair close to the boy's head, cutting through the mass and making the pup fall to the ground.

He tossed the mane onto the fire where it burned and crackled and caused a horrid smell that quite put the hanyou off his fish. He then turned amused eyes on the angry scrap of whelp that was staring in disbelief at the wreck of his hair in a bowl of water.

"Come come, Inuyasha; I have spared you a spanking by disposing of your hair, your mother would not have been pleased to see you in such a mess." Then Sesshoumaru laughed, it was true, Izayoi spent inordinate amounts of time in trying to make sure her pup was always clean and presentable. It was a matter of pride for her that he never appeared neglected and she would sit and brush his hair till it shone. It seemed that both enjoyed such time of pampering and now she would be mortified to see the ragged and short hair.

"What are you doing out here all alone in any case whelp? Some stupid reason for running away and now too scared to go back home and face your mother's wrath, perhaps I should deliver you into her grateful hands; if you had done that to me I would take a stick to your backside." He laughed again and took stock of the small figure in front of him who was standing belligerently with his hands on his hips;

"Yeah well you can't tell her nothing no more, she left me; no one cares what I do now so go away and leave me alone."

"Ridiculous, your mother wouldn't leave you even when she was advised it would be the best thing for her to do she refused. Why would she leave?"

"I dunno, she was just gone; she wouldn't wake up and they took her away and told me to go too."

"So, she is dead and has left you for me to deal with." Sesshoumaru sneered again. "You really are a filthy disgrace Inuyasha, stop those tears, how can father's blood run in your veins; you shame your heritage with your wretched human taint." Sesshoumaru's lip curled in disgust as he glared at the dirty child then he picked him up, stripped him and threw him bodily into a nearby pond and told him to scrub himself clean; the clothes would have to wait.

The water was cold but usable and eventually Inuyasha emerged somewhat cleaner and that is when Sesshoumaru noticed the bruises. He had put more wood on the fire while Inuyasha bathed and now it was warm enough to dry the boy; but it also showed up the fading dark marks on the pale skin. For some reason the signs of ill treatment did not sit well with Sesshoumaru, only he had the right to touch this particular pup; he had already claimed him as his kill when he was older. No one else had the right to encroach on his property.

"Who did this?"

"Villagers."

"Why, what were you doing?"

"I've been getting things from home bit by bit, they throw rocks at me if they see me; they say I'm stealing, but I'm not, they are mama's and my things not anyone else's."

"Some of these are healing; how long have you been living out here?"

"More'n one moon but not two." Was the somewhat cryptic reply but Sesshoumaru understood; the boy would be aware of the moon cycle.

"You will come with me when I leave; but I warn you, I am not as lenient as your mother and will not tolerate disturbance to my life." There was no answer from the pup nor did the youkai require one; as long as his will was done he had no care at all for Inuyasha's feelings on the matter. That night leaving the whelp asleep by the fire, Sesshoumaru went and reaped vengeance on the villagers, obliterating the village and then returned to watch over the pup and take him with him in the morning.

TBC


	5. Thinking Alone

Thinking Alone

"Sesshoumaru, I'm going back to the village, at least for a while; I need to think about all this and the pups can see their friends."

"Do not go yet Inuyasha, you can think here and the pups are happy enough; they haven't missed their friends."

"Damnit it, no; this is a big thing you've dumped on me, I can't stay here."

"Well at least leave the pups, they are settled and you don't need them around distracting you from thinking."

"I can't leave them for a few weeks or more."

"You can, they will come to no harm with me; I would miss them if you take them away now." Sesshoumaru was aware that he had said the wrong thing the split second the words had left his mouth. Immediately Inuyasha turned on him with a snarl baring his fangs;

"They are my pups not yours, what is it with you? You replaced me with Rin and Kohaku but you are not going to start playing Papa with my pups. You deprived me all these years of a father, now you have deprived me of my brother who I was starting to maybe love, but you will not take away my fatherhood."

"Calm down Inuyasha, I am sorry; I really didn't mean it to sound like that. I am just afraid that if you leave me now you will not return and…

"You thought to take my pups hostage…"

"No, I just don't want you to leave and not come back." Sesshoumaru was sincere; he could feel Inuyasha's pain as if it were his own and wished he could erase it but he knew too that Inuyasha would not at the moment believe him.

"Well perhaps it is too late; I don't know what you want of me Sesshoumaru and I don't know if I care."

"I want my son, Inuyasha; I want you back here my pup."

"It's always what you want, when you want isn't it …_Father? _No, you threw me away and you would have destroyed me before I was born if you'd been given the chance; you've deceived me all my life and have taken away the last of my family when you killed off my brother. No, it's just me and my pups now; you can't have _me_ after all the humiliation and despair my mother went through from you and others to keep your secret safe and me alive."

"I have no defence against your accusations Pup and I understand your vehemence…"

"Do you, do you remember everything I went through when I travelled with you? All the misery you reserved for me; all of the ill treatment? Of course you do…did you _ever_ realise how much I wanted your acceptance and love back then? I'd have been as loyal as Rin and just as good but you never recognised me once, when I needed you. Your own flesh and blood left in the mud when you nearly killed me for touching your tail and asking if I would have one like you when I was bigger. I had to leave you then or I would have died; but believe me, I left knowing _exactly_ what you thought of me.

"I remember how much care and attention, even love that you lavished on Rin, the protection you gave her. At first I hated her for having my place by your side but I had always known that for some reason you never wanted me, that I could never do enough or be enough to please you and I don't think that has changed. You want my pups but you can't have them, they are mine only now and we are leaving. Do you realise that not being wanted by your parent is a whole lot worse than not being wanted by a sibling?"

At this point Inuyasha broke down in bitter tears and Sesshoumaru moved to hold him but was pushed firmly away. Some instinct however told him not to ignore the boy this time, and he pulled Inuyasha to him in a firm hold, restraining him easily until the hanyou finally relaxed and allowed the embrace. For the first time the acknowledged father held his son to comfort him.

Sesshoumaru stayed with Inuyasha all night and watched over him as he dozed fitfully until morning. On waking Inuyasha felt ashamed, he'd been sleeping in Sessh…his father's arms and he remembered letting out a lot of emotional baggage that usually he kept a tight lid on. Now he wished he had shut up and just gone this morning as if it were no big deal instead of issues that needed discussing.

But Sesshoumaru was still holding him and he had to admit it felt nice but he was not going to be fooled and he did need to think. So Inuyasha pulled away gently and stood to leave but he was once again pulled to his father's chest.

"I know I can never make the past go away, although if I could I would do things far differently for both you and Izayoi and I can hardly expect you to forget it or forgive; but I really don't want to lose you again Inuyasha. Even if you can never call me Father or think of me ever in such terms, I ask you not to stay away forever." It was the closest Inuyasha had ever got to a heartfelt apology from Sesshoumaru and it caused the tears to start to his eyes once more, although he did not let them fall.

"You should never have told me."

"I thought you said no one wants to live a lie.

"That was when I thought your son was some full youkai living well in a Palace where he was cared for by parents who loved him; had siblings and friends and wasn't some outcast abused hanyou. I thought he was growing up like you did, surrounded by everything he wanted while the only thing he missed was knowing who was his true father, even though he loved his adopted one. A youkai princeling that would be happier knowing you and adding you to his family."

"You seem to have given my son quite a history in such a short time." Sesshoumaru ventured to say as Inuyasha blushed, feeling he had given too much away, but he found he no longer cared what Sesshoumaru thought of him.

"It was our dream; Mama and me, one of my favourite stories at bedtime. One day a Prince was going to come and carry us away from the village and adopt us, and we would live happily in his Palace and maybe there would be more children for me to play with; as the Prince would see how beautiful Mama was and how cute I was and want her to have his children. Kagome said it sounded like one of the fairy tales she told the pups, but now I realise just what it was she was saying and hoping for."

It was not as if Inuyasha had forgotten all that he had said to Sesshoumaru but it was far easier to deal with and believe, when it applied to someone else and not to him. He knew that his father was sincerely repentant but Inuyasha had lived the nightmare and often still had bad dreams; in youkai terms it still wasn't all that long ago and he couldn't be quite so objective now.

As Inuyasha had already surmised no one in a youkai family could expect secrets to be held for too long, senses of smell and other signals were too easily read and deciphered. Many of the older and trusted servants knew that Inuyasha was really their Lord's son from the start, when it became known that Izayoi was pregnant; but they had accepted Inu no Taisho as the pup's father because he had been legally adopted by the general.

The humans may have believed the masquerade but a youkai never could although outsiders would accept the common belief, as the males of the family carried similar scents because of their relationship in any case. Now however that both of them knew the truth, there was no need to hide Sesshoumaru's paternity and it was important that the pups know as soon as possible. It did not mean however that Inuyasha would treat Sesshoumaru familiarly as his father; only that protocol would be observed.

The children were delighted and non questioning when invited to call Sesshoumaru Grandpapa, rather than Uncle. It didn't matter to them that Inuyasha had suddenly found a father and not a brother and it didn't change anything for them as far as they could tell. It was only Inuyasha who was having trouble. He couldn't call Sesshoumaru Father, unless he was scathing; not yet if ever, and neither did he find 'Sessh' as easy to say now and in this his father couldn't command him.

But in the light of day Inuyasha knew he could not just uproot his pups and drag them back to the village for a few weeks, they were happy and being educated properly at the Palace; Sesshoumaru would not harm them and Inuyasha couldn't think alone if he was looking after them. However leaving them was the hardest thing he had had to do in a long time and he didn't want to go, but sheer force of will overcame the desire to stay and Inuyasha leapt over the wall and into the forest to the side of the Palace.

He made good time but kept feeling he should look over his shoulder as if he was missing something; of course it was Kagome or the pups or his little group that was missing. It had been a long time since he'd had this sort of freedom to just run and leap without any worries about how long he'd been away, or what could be happening to his loved ones in his absence. In fact the last time he'd been this unencumbered, were the years after he'd left his father's side and before Kikyou sealed him.

They were years he never wanted repeated either, years of hunger, want and terrible soul crushing loneliness; outcast by all society as a monster destined only to be destroyed. Youkai had sneered at him and humans feared him, all loathed him and all because of his mixed blood. Had Sesshoumaru treated him properly, at least he would have grown up to prove his worth safely; but as it was he had been left as a young child unable to do anything but come to believe the awful things said about him.

Not until his beloved Kagome came and slowly but surely taught him to think otherwise did his life truly become happy. Her lack of prejudice showed others that Inuyasha was a person just as much as they were; her lack of fear could allow them to squabble normally without everyone thinking that he would harm her, enabling a normal relationship with his pack to develop. Sure, she could use that damned rosary but it was her only defence against his sometimes runaway mouth and he never wised up to her hormonal times properly. Besides as she grew older and matured she had stopped using it anyway, unless they were in a position that it was fun for both of them.

Thinking of Kagome had brought him naturally to make his way to their hidden and secluded home away from their village house. A west facing wide mouthed cave that in actual fact had a maze of tunnels inside that could be blocked if danger came and opened into several exits at various other points. He and Izayoi had found it useful when life in the village became intolerable; it acted as a holiday home for them.

There had been no real danger when he and his little family came here; it was still private with a grassy park in front, which Kagome had enhanced with plants and trees that in fact, told anyone who might stumble upon it that the area was taken. That and the obvious scents of Inuyasha had been enough for those who didn't know that it was the hanyou's territory.

Many happy days had been spent in this retreat and the scent of Kagome had not faded fully from the area. Here Inuyasha was private and alone but not lonely and he spent one whole week not caring about what he did or when. He ate, slept, thought and wept, whenever it was what he wanted to do and he did a lot of each of them with no one to censure him or call him weak. He also went to sit and reminisce by Kagome's grave every day.

Inuyasha missed her so very much and he knew that his grief was far deeper than any tears he had so far shed could reach in expunging the hurt of her passing. He had some photos of her and all their friends that he could look at but it was going to be many years until he could see more. Kagome had brought a digital camera with her and lots of memory cards and had photographed everyone for the rest of her life. Mama had even had a special battery charger made that could be powered by a hand generator to fit.

Now it was for him to record the growth of their pups and then take the cards back to Mama so that she could see how Kagome had lived and how the pups were when they were babies. Inuyasha had to visit Mama in the future after the well closed with her grandchildren and introduce them; he knew it would be hard but he had promised and it was the only thing he could do for the woman who had willingly given him her daughter.

Early in their mated life, Sesshoumaru had been intrigued and understood the importance of the camera having seen the pictures from the future and how the camera worked. He had commissioned a golden casket to fit the camera lined in padded silk and then encased itself in a plain wooden box so that it didn't look attractive to thieves.

There was another to match that would hold the journals that Kagome had also written for her mother, these detailed her life in her own words so that it would be as though she were actually speaking across time. Sesshoumaru had each book bound in soft leather as they were completed. They had been gifts on the occasion of the first pup's birth and were overwhelming for the new parents who had been worried about how to hide the camera and diaries in the feudal era.

But Inuyasha didn't need a camera photograph to bring Kagome to mind, he could still see her smiling face which hadn't changed with age; he had never cared that her body aged because Kagome was Kagome. He had never loved her just because of her looks, but because she loved him unconditionally and had given him the chance at love no body else ever had and she was the mother of his treasured pups.

In those early days when she had come back to him, three years after Naraku was defeated; the fact that she would die long before him seemed so insignificant and far away. Neither had heeded the gentle warnings from Sesshoumaru, who found out for himself when Rin died before Kagome, just how brief the lives of humans were in comparison to the youkai who loved them.

Kagome had aged gracefully and had retained her spark of mischief throughout her life including her illnesses and his eyes watered yet again when he remembered her insistence that if he fell in love again sometime in the future he must take the opportunity. Kagome didn't want him to pine for too long for her and then her final words to him; '_What a privilege it is to be able to look on you as my final sight Inuyasha, you are so beautiful'._

She had smiled gently at his tears and ran her hand for a final time in his hair sighing softly as she left on a whisper closing her eyes on her hanyou as he'd pulled her now lifeless body to his. Swiping at his eyes wasn't stopping them filling up again at the memory and he was unable to see the stone marker very clearly but he spoke aloud anyway;

"What should I do Kagome? What would you say to me?"

"I think we both know what the Lady Kagome would advise my young Lord" said the familiar voice of Myouga. Inuyasha bowed his head;

"How long have you been here Myouga?"

"I have been around for a while my Lord…in case you needed me."

"Sesshoumaru made sure you followed me huh?"

"Well of all the…can't an old retainer be concerned about his Lord?"

"It's O.K. I'm just surprised I didn't know you were here."

"It's understandable Lord Inuyasha, your nose never works at its best when you get emotional; don't you remember, its one of the reasons you learnt early not to cry? It put you at a disadvantage if you couldn't scent out hunters."

"You still talk too much flea. Hey, did you know about me and Sesshoumaru?"

"Of…of course my Lord, the blood tells me everything about you. Besides, I was there at the time."

"And you never thought to tell me, some retainer you are…"

"I could not divulge that to you Inuyasha, I was under strict orders."

"Sesshoumaru controls you in everything doesn't he?"

"It was not Lord Sesshoumaru, it was the General; no one was to let you know until Sesshoumaru claimed you as his, until then, you were to be considered the General's son."

"Feh!"

"Lady Kagome would want you to go back to your father and work it out with him wouldn't she?"

"Yeah, I know; but I have an awful lot to forgive and I just don't know if I can do that. You were there at the time; do _you_ know why he hated me so much, I always thought it was because he lost Fath…I mean Grandfather when I was born."

"Very well Lord Inuyasha, it just so happens that I do know much of what happened. I'll tell you what I know."

TBC


	6. Understanding a Father

To Understand a Father

"I was your mother's retainer before I was yours Lord Inuyasha; your grandfather asked me to liaise between him and Lady Izayoi. I know many of the plans they had for you and your mother."

"Spill it Myouga."

"The General wanted you to be brought to the Palace with your mother to live when you were born. He thought that having you around would not only be safer for you both, but also that you would become like a brother to Lord Sesshoumaru at least until he could admit he was your father. He knew that the young Lord would do so, once he got over his tantrum."

"Some tantrum Flea."

"Yes well, that is all it was nonetheless; he'd been caught out and severely reprimanded by his father and to save face he denied you. But your grandfather knew how to deal with your father and his plan would have worked, of that I have no doubt except…"

"…Except he died saving mama and me."

"Correct."

"That's old news."

"But his father's death was devastating to Lord Sesshoumaru; however it wasn't all, the Lady of the West is a formidable woman and she too was beside herself at her Lord's demise. In her immediate grief she placed the entire blame for the General's death firmly on Sesshoumaru's shoulders. He should have gone with Inu no Taishou and helped to defend your mother and you, while his father was so injured. She also said that as Lord Sesshoumaru was so certain he no longer needed to listen to or act on parental advice, she was not prepared to act as his regent; the Lady left and the West became his sole burden."

Inuyasha was silent as he digested this information; in fact he didn't speak for a long time while he prepared himself something to eat. He found to his annoyance that he was feeling understanding of Sesshoumaru; he had lost both his parents suddenly and all because Inuyasha had been born. A blanket of despondency fell over him that was palpable to the small flea and knowing his master of old, Myouga knew the direction his thoughts had taken. He jumped up and down to catch Inuyasha's attention.

"It was never your fault Inuyasha, the fault lay with your father alone and he knows it; that is the reason for his continuing hatred when you were young. Every time he saw you he could see his father and the reason for his death; not you, him. You were Sesshoumaru's responsibility and yet he let his injured father go without aiding him; that was what he could not forgive himself and he wrongly hit out at you in his anger.

"But my Lord, he did always protect you from a distance as well; I know he caused you suffering but he never let anything else ever get close to you, up to the time of you being sealed. He would not let his father's sacrifice be in vain but also because you are his son." Myouga looked affronted as Inuyasha snorted in derision of the last part of the statement but was mollified when his master whispered his thanks.

Silence descended once again. Inuyasha went to sleep after his meal thinking on Myouga's words. His dreams were vivid and he could see as plain as day the young, proud adolescent Sesshoumaru finding he was as good as parentless and alone with just a baby and a woman he didn't want and the whole of the Western Lands to look after while swamped in very real but self inflicted grief.

When he woke in the morning the residue of the dreams were still clear in his mind and he realised how his brother's pride and immaturity put together had been impossible for Sesshoumaru to fight; making a lethal combination that had caused him to take his frustrations out on the only other creature he could, the small son whose existence was the source of his problems.

Outside the early morning was fresh but promised a hot day and Inuyasha breathed deeply before realising he was not alone. The feeling was similar to a few times he had known in his lonely childhood after his mother died; he was being watched by someone and if he turned round he knew that he would see a huge white ghostly shape that had always vanished into the forest as soon as he became aware of it.

It was not however Sesshoumaru; whenever his brother had been around in the past he never appeared in his true youkai form, and even when Inuyasha saw the Daiyoukai for the first time in his large dog shape he didn't look like the fleeting glimpses Inuyasha remembered. But being older now and not the frightened pup who thought half the time he was dreaming or imagining things, this time he knew that the youkai he could feel was real.

Inuyasha walked to the edge of his garden and his eyes came to rest on his apparition; the large and obviously bitch dog was observing him amiably but with a haughty expression that Inuyasha ignored as he came towards her. Now he could see the dog clearly and studied her face he realised he could place her; the faint crescent moon was unmistakeable and he approached cautiously but unafraid.

"My Lady?" He asked and she stood, looming over him until she morphed to her humanoid shape and walked around Inuyasha appraising him and with a quizzical look. He too was taking his turn to look at her and seeing for the first time just how much Sesshoumaru took after his own mother in appearance. _'Hm,'_ he thought, _'not just in looks but attitude too.' _She looked proud but her face was pleasant all the same.

"My Lady?" Inuyasha repeated; he may have understood that she was the former Lady of the Western Lands but she was still an unknown quantity and he was not going to be fooled by her elegance and calm, she would be formidable in a fight if that is what she wanted. But she smiled at him and answered.

"No longer My Lady to you Inuyasha; I understand my errant son has admitted to you that he is your father. I am your Grandmother and you may address me as such."

"Why should I address you as anything? I don't know you." He replied irritated at this female who had suddenly turned up on his doorstep. He walked back into his cave and put his kettle on to make tea not caring if she followed him or not. His Grandmother did follow and settled herself down on one of the cushions to wait for her tea, noticing that Inuyasha for all his gruff speech had set out two cups. She was vastly amused but this did not show on her face; Sesshoumaru had learned a lot at his mama's knee and not showing his thoughts had been a primary lesson.

"You have not changed at all Inuyasha; you are still a rude pup."

"What would you know? I don't remember you taking care of me or my manners before; you are the same as my father, not wanting to know me. I can see the fruit didn't fall far from the tree with you two."

"You are brave my Grandson but foolish too…"

"I am not your Grandson, I have not accepted Sesshoumaru as my father and until and if I do, you do not exist."

"You are so hostile Little Hanyou; I have done nothing to earn your displeasure."

"That's right, you did _nothing_. I was told you encouraged Sesshoumaru to take responsibility for me and yet when he wouldn't, you didn't step in either. You are both the same, too proud to acknowledge a dirty hanyou at least until he proves himself strong. I wasn't worth either of your time. Well I'll have you know that I survived and grew despite you both and I am worth while."

"How passionate you are; you are like your Grandfather in that, but you are mistaken I have been around at times when my son could not be. We have at times both protected you; I know you recognised me earlier."

"Yeah well, you could have done more."

"True, but I saw no need to get further involved. I had wished that your mother miscarried early but it did not happen and neither did Sesshoumaru take his responsibility as he should have done, causing my mate to die. No I felt I had given enough for you then."

"You are one cold bitch; now I know where he gets it from, you're a right piece of work aren't you, I can see where Sesshoumaru gets his high and mighty ideas from. You left your pup and blamed him for his Father's death just as he blamed me. Idiots the pair of you; the great dragon Ryuukossei killed my Grandfather, not me and not Sesshoumaru.

"So maybe he should have gone to help, but it wouldn't have made any difference and Grandfather knew it; he certainly wouldn't have blamed his son like you did for his death, he'd have been horrified that Sesshoumaru has had this on his mind all this time. Don't you think he's carried that guilt long enough?"

"You presume to know much about your grandfather Pup."

"I've heard a lot about him, and I _know _that both you and Sesshoumaru adored him; I _know _that Sessh was more than devastated by his father's death and his mother's desertion than my birth. I _know _that my nearly emotionless bro…father becomes a completely different character when his father is mentioned. Who knows but if you stayed with him, all our lives would have been different just like my Grandfather wanted and don't give me the excuse that you were grieving, no good mother abandons her pup."

That was more than his Grandmother could take and she lost her cool, backhanding Inuyasha with considerable strength, and although she was careful of her claws she still managed to knock him into the cave wall. Breathing heavily from having the breath knocked out of him Inuyasha wiped the blood from his mouth and grinned wryly up at her.

"He even fights like you once you get under his skin. So instead of giving Sesshoumaru a good spanking and telling him to face up to his responsibilities and that he was going to have to deal with the situation he had caused but with your help, you tried to reason with him."

"Sesshoumaru was too old for such childish punishment, he was older than your pups are Inuyasha; old enough to commit an adult act."

"He was still adolescent running away, just a spoiled, frightened and confused pup; you don't give pups a choice like that; they don't think like adults, they think like pups and they need _you _the parents,to set the boundaries for them. And they don't need to be thrown away as a bad lot when things go wrong."

There was no rejoinder this time and Inuyasha calmed down and began to reason;

"I do know what I'm talking about Lady; if I'd done the same thing to Kikyou or Kagome when I first knew either of them, I'd have run a mile and father was the same age as me. I mean, I was scared at the thought of being kissed let alone anything else."

Silence followed this outburst as embarrassment set in and Inuyasha got up from the floor and poured some more tea. His grandmother reached out her hand to examine his cut lip and by concentrating her own youki into it, helped him heal quicker than at his normal speed. The unease faded somewhat and the Lady examined Inuyasha's still fiery eyes and expression and then she smiled a genuinely fond smile.

"It is easy to see why you could be taken for my mate's son as opposed to his grandson. You favour his look more than Sesshoumaru's and you have his temper too, hot and over quickly whereas Sesshoumaru learned from me. Although, he does have a lot of his father's fire too; but it takes far more to bring it to the surface."

"I never had trouble in rattling him in the past, even when I was a good pup."

"It is because you reminded him of his father all the time. He was deeply disturbed by the General's death and you are right, he was carrying unnecessary guilt and I should not have blamed him; but Little One you are defending him, will you now accept him?"

"I understand what happened back then now, yes; but that does not excuse his cruelty to me afterwards. He was old enough to know what he was doing to me was completely wrong and it is something I will never understand and don't know if I can; especially as he took in an orphan who meant nothing to him…how can a father do all that…there were times I would rather he had killed me."

"Walk with me pup and show me this home of yours, tell me of your Kagome and the pups." She asked changing the subject, knowing that the pain of Sesshoumaru's rejection still haunted the hanyou who so desperately wanted his father's love even if he didn't realise it himself. She became pleasant and fun to be with. Laughing at some of his tales and every now and then she ruffled his hair and even gave him a hug at one point.

The lady was good company and surprisingly easy to confide in and Inuyasha spoke at great length on his life from growing up right to the present and morning gave way to evening. Inuyasha was amazed at himself; his normal reticence seemed to disappear and the lady was good at listening too, besides being able to make herself useful at mealtimes and he found he was warming to her.

It was when he was describing his thought on Kagome expecting their first child that he started to understand something. The Lady was encouraging him to express his feelings about it;

"It seemed unreal, I had never been around a pregnant woman much, even Sango; Miroku and I were working and besides she was his mate but with Kagome it was strange. But even though I knew she was pregnant and could see her grow, it wasn't until I held the pup in my arms that it became real to me and sank in that I was now responsible for this tiny life. I was such a coward I wouldn't feel her kick no matter what Kagome said, although I did with the others."

"I noticed your grandfather was the same and many women complain that their mates only take notice when the baby is born. This was of course the same for Sesshoumaru; only he never saw the reality of Izayoi being pregnant, nor was he there at the time of your birth to hold you. It would have made a lot of difference to you both, but it didn't happen. He had no contact with you until his world was shattered with his father's death, it does not excuse his behaviour but perhaps some of his lack of acceptance of you as his pup."

"Feh, I understand a lot of things, even some of that but…"

"Can you think about acknowledging my son as your father at all Inuyasha? Her grandson could hear the plea in her voice and knew she would like their reconciliation. He also knew that Sesshoumaru had seen his mother on occasion and he of course had learned of the time Rin had been saved, so mother and son had some form of communication and would like the family whole again. But it was a lot to ask; going forward and developing a relationship with a brother who had ill treated him was different from one with a father.

"I can't promise that, but I will return to visit if not live, that is all I can say." She expected no more and she left him to ponder once more on the direction his life should take. The day had been tiring even for an energetic young hanyou, meeting and speaking with his Grandmother had been exhausting if not illuminating and Inuyasha just wanted to sleep and see in which direction his thoughts and dreams would take him.

One thing for sure was he wasn't going to do what everyone else thought he should do, pushing him into a nice little niche that was ready made for him. He was going to put the needs of himself first this time so that he could best serve his pups with a clear mind; if he was uncertain then so would they be and he was not prepared to let them suffer for one second.

If he let himself become Sesshoumaru's pup it would mean more than just a formality, he would have to be prepared before everyone to let Sesshoumaru have dominion over him. Inuyasha was not too happy with that thought, It would be one thing to give his obedience to his brother because he could qualify that in whatever way he wished; but obedience to his father would require a great deal of trust for him and his family. He would have to obey or his father would lose a great deal of respect, which could have repercussions throughout his land, as well as doing no favours for the integrity of hanyous.

TBC


	7. Towards the West

Towards the West

Myouga greeted Inuyasha the next day;

"You are indeed great in heart Master Inuyasha and would have done the General proud, just as if you were his son. It would have torn him up inside to know what had happened between his mate and son and I think you have cleared that up. I must admit even I hadn't seen it from the same perspective as you and yet as an old man I should have done."

"Feh, Myouga; it's not got anything to do with your age; it's because you haven't got kids."

"I concede your point Lord Inuyasha." The old flea chuckled. But it was true; his respect for his young master had grown in the light of the way he had stood up for his father yesterday, even if Myouga didn't whole heartedly approve of the way Inuyasha spoke to his former master's mate.

After bathing in a nearby natural hot spring pool he had built for Kagome and breakfasting on fish and fruit, Inuyasha felt refreshed and for the first time in a long while he felt the joy of the morning. He no longer felt the need to grieve for his lost mate so painfully; his memories were alive and fresh but happy and the sharp agony had eased. He had needed to be alone for a while but he now thought he could return to the Western Lands earlier than he had anticipated; besides he missed his pups badly.

No matter what decision he came to for himself, he would not deny the pups their family and like it or not Sesshoumaru was their Grandfather and it was obvious that he did love them. Children had always been drawn to the Daiyoukai and he was accepting of them all, even if he wasn't open about it; all that is except for his own, Inuyasha's pained inner voice added. But that was not helpful even if his heart still burned after all these years knowing that Sesshoumaru had shed tears for the child and woman Rin, and yet had never done so for him.

Enough was enough he decided; all his arguments were circular and always came back to irrefutable facts that couldn't be changed, no matter how much he might wish for them to. Sessh was his father not his brother; he had been cruel in the past to him and had never wanted him, although now apparently he did, and as the past couldn't be erased it was time for him to move on or leave Sesshoumaru forever.

On his way back to the West and after saying farewell to Kagome he stopped at his mother's little grave stone. He had brought fresh flowers as always, but refrained from making the place look to tidy; there would always be people who delighted in spoiling tidy graves and it would bring undue attention to his mother's resting site. He did check however that the name was still legible; a long time ago he had re-written the name, as the childish scratches he had made when he buried her had long since faded; although he could still just about make them out beneath the stronger marks from his more adult claws.

He sat in the warm grass thinking mainly about what could have been and regretting that he couldn't call Sesshoumaru 'father' with anywhere near the same amount of love that his father had for his grandfather. Things should have been so different, but then that was his life; so many lost chances.

"Oh Mama, I know what you would want me to do, the same as Kagome; you would want our reconciliation, it was what you had always hoped for. Now I know the true reason why…and I thought my life was complicated enough." He lay back in the sweet grass and dozed, his thoughts taking him far away back in time and he mused aloud;

"What did you see Mama when you met Sesshoumaru all that time ago, before all his hatred for me set in? Was he different, did he smile at you, did he laugh? He must have shown you kindness, care even; you were so gentle and I know you died loving the boy he had been with you. I have never seen that side of him, I wish I had but he is so manipulative; how can I trust that he will treat me and mine properly? He wants me now, but how deep does that go; will it be long before he starts to hurt me again?"

Inuyasha bolted upright and was ready in scant seconds to defend himself, when he felt a strong youkai in the area; he recognised the aura and saw Sesshoumaru at the same time. He no longer was wary of his brother as such, but he was not expecting to see him. Relaxing his stance he showed he was willing for his father to approach him and as Sesshoumaru did so, he too looked down on the memorial stone.

He also noticed the slight scratches beneath the clear name and knew what they meant, he had seen them when they were the only marks and remembered how tiny Inuyasha's claws had been. Deep sadness filled him although it did not show on his face, and regret for the young hanyou forced him to speak.

"I promise you that no harm will ever come to you or yours again from me Inuyasha; you need have no concerns about living at the Palace."

"Have you been there long…?"

"Don't be concerned Inuyasha. Izayoi was a remarkable young woman Inuyasha; you do well to honour her."

"She was my mother; of course I honour her, no one else will. And what do you mean by remarkable? What would you know of her? You hated her and had precious little to do with her once I was born, except to cause her fear."

"Did you know of that fear when you were a small whelp Inuyasha? No, you did not; she kept her unease to herself. She always tried to bring you to my attention in a positive way, you were always clean and well groomed and yet she had precious little to spare; I brought her rabbits on several occasions, usually when the humans were away and had not provided for you both.

"She was not much more than a child and had been just as pampered as I, and yet she gave up all that to give you life; refusing to eat or drink sustenance unless she had prepared it herself, out of concern that someone might try to cause harm to her pregnancy. She fought for her right to birth and keep you when she only had opposition from her family and from the father of her child. She kept hopeful that we would be reconciled if not as a whole family at least father and son. Yes I call that remarkable; even I can see that in a human."

There was no answer from Inuyasha he was still staring at the grave remembering the young mother in her silk kimono that served her as clothing for the rest of her life and recalling the hard work she did to keep it clean and in good repair. Yet despite all the hardships she suffered, she still always had time for him, in play and teaching. Inuyasha didn't have much in the way of education but all he did have was due to his mother.

"I would like you to know as well that I never hurt your mother, neither was she forced or coerced into our relationship. She was beautiful and we both…Sesshoumaru tailed off and actually blushed remembering just to whom he was speaking.

"I know…she still loved you after all." Inuyasha was surprised to hear Sesshoumaru's sincere words about Izayoi and wasn't sure how to take his father's confession. Although, Inuyasha did realise that Sesshoumaru had answered all of his questions from earlier; which meant that the Daiyoukai had overheard him.

"I regret not being able to return her affection Inuyasha; I had no idea that she felt so strongly for me, but I am grateful that she kept her love alive enough to influence you to not feel hate for me."

"No, you did your best to do that for yourself; you all but succeeded and there were times I thought you had."

"I know." Silence fell over the former brothers, now father and son; but it was not a brooding one and soon Sesshoumaru spoke again;

"I do not know how to say this without offending you or giving you the wrong impression…"

"Just spit it out…I've always found that the best way."

"So I've noticed." Sesshoumaru said dryly. "Very well, I wanted you to know that if you come back to live at the Palace you could also bring Izayoi's remains and I will have them interred in a special garden I will have made. This is not meant to be a bribe however it may sound; if you wish her to stay here that is entirely up to you and I offer this not to appease you but from the honour deserved by the mother of my son. I offer this regardless of your decision to stay; should you only choose to visit, my offer stands."

"Thank you, I will consider it; I know what it costs you to say this."

"No, Inuyasha; you do not, I do not say this just to try and please you. I no longer hold any animosity towards your mother; when I learned what it was to want you as my son, I realised how she felt and I am grateful to her for her strength and bravery in keeping you."

"You no longer hate Mama?"

"I do not; I have grown Inuyasha, when I first met you and subsequently had you in my keeping, my animosity I know is difficult to forgive. The reasons for it were things I began to question when I saw you again after you had been freed from the enchantment. I was young, but that was not the excuse…; I saw your existence as the source of all my woes instead of admitting they were my own.

"Since I came to that correct conclusion, I felt the truer feelings in admitting you were my son and I wanted you, needed you as such." Sesshoumaru knew that he was taking a great risk in having that 'needed' thrown back at him viciously; but he felt he had to show trust and honesty first, Inuyasha deserved it. All he got though was a blank stare back but Inuyasha had noted the word and Sesshoumaru concluded; "This was some few years ago now, just before we destroyed Naraku."

"It has taken you long enough to talk to me then."

"I did not know how to tell you; we were barely civilised with one another and I thought you might react badly to the news, perhaps reject it out of hand. I thought to wait until we had built a better rapport."

It was slight but Inuyasha heard it loud and clear, the tiny hesitancy in his father's voice; it spoke volumes to the son, Sesshoumaru feared rejection not just of the idea but of him. Inuyasha knew then that he had the power to cut Sesshoumaru's feet from under him by now turning his back, but what would that prove? Inuyasha did want his father in his life and for the Youkai Lord to be proper family to himself and his pups, therefore someone had to bend; Sesshoumaru had already admitted a weakness to his son, it was time to accept his roundabout apology.

"How are my pups; missing me, or so busy playing with all the things you've given them they don't know I've gone?

"Of course they have missed you; in the same way I always missed Father if he was away."

"You still miss him badly don't you?"

"I always shall, he was everything a father should be; I miss his advice too, he would have known how to…settle our differences. I shall always regret not having gone too."

"It would have changed nothing."

"So my mother says now; she is at the Palace and told me of your meeting and 'discussion', I understand you would have handled things differently."

"Too right, you wouldn't have sat for a month if I'd been your father, having to listen to all your petulant nonsense; although, I understand it would have worked out his way as well had he had the chance to bring it about." Inuyasha said, far too enthusiastically for Sesshoumaru's taste. Inuyasha noticed the faint blush but refrained from teasing comment.

"Whatever, I am indebted to you for your frank discussion; it has led to somewhat more of a reconciliation between my mother and me." He paused before adding seriously; "Inuyasha you are a good father, you would do well to remember your own words should any of your pups do wrong when they are older; perhaps you can stop them in time, from disgracing you."

The blush was deeper now, but Inuyasha was still not going to profit from his father's discomfort; Sesshoumaru had carried the guilt for years, some of it wrongly, and it had coloured his life up to now with a heavy drabness that caused him to feel that his beloved Father was shamed by him. Pain that the boy had covered with his overly stoic attitude, had found relief in tormenting his own child as he got older.

Inuyasha could feel that the pain was still there deep inside his father and it saddened him, making him instinctively nuzzle under Sesshoumaru's chin, and whining in an age old need for affection and recognition. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in surprise, but he responded as he should with a low growl of his own and by bringing his hand up to pet his son's head. For once it was very natural for them, neither worrying about being rejected and although Inuyasha hadn't spoken Sesshoumaru's name or called him father yet, it was almost implied in the comfort offered and accepted.

"Grandfather would not feel disgraced by you; he might have been upset but I'm certain he would have understood, even with your actions to me after. He would only be shamed if you had not changed and were still acting like a selfish pup when you are adult. All caring fathers know when their pups are scared or hurt, and you lost him and your mother before they had time to finish your upbringing."

"How I would like to accept your explanation Inuyasha; but you were in a worse situation than I for far longer and you did none of the things I did to you, to your kitsune. Father certainly would be ashamed of me for that."

"He would not be _now_; you have _changed__,_ besides, I was not being blamed for either of my parents' deaths."

"Yes, my mother is honest and she told me what you said to her about that; she has said she was wrong to do so, but it mattered not, I had already blamed myself."

"It mattered; to have a thought like that confirmed by a parent whose censure carries a lot of weight is disastrous. You were both wrong, your father knew he was mortally wounded; had you been there you could not have saved his life."

"But he would have known I was there and that I cared about him. He died believing me indifferent to him, I scorned him when he asked if I had anything to protect; they were my last words to him. He thought I hated him for saving you."

"No, he knew you loved him; he was no fool and he knew that you didn't realise how seriously he was wounded. A few words of childish anger do not wipe out years of love and obedience; my sons usually screech out that they hate me when they have just been disciplined. Of course it hurts to hear, but I know they do not mean it and they will come round and back to my arms; you just didn't have the opportunity to do that, but Grandfather wouldn't doubt that eventually you would."

"How do you know all this Inuyasha, you are still a pup in youkai age?"

"When I thought the general was my father I asked about him over the years; I came to know how he was thought of and most said loving and wise, apart from being an extremely able commander and ruler. The rest, well life on my own taught me far more than living my years as you did, pampered darling; I have seen all sorts of parental relationships in all walks of life, some I envied, others made me glad to be alone.

"I also have five pups of my own and they are all different and need me to know what to do for each. I think I can safely say I have more experience than you in this and am qualified to say these things. Search your heart, you know really that your father loved you and still would; you have redeemed yourself in many ways now. Remember after So'unga?"

Sesshoumaru nodded and they carried on walking in easy silence. It had been perhaps the longest conversation they had had together without fighting, sneering or being awkward in any way and it made for a pleasant change, besides giving both a lot to think on.

The journey back to the west gave them both the time needed to form an easier relationship with each other; nothing more serious was spoken although both knew that was just postponed, but the non-verbal communication was progressing at a more normal pace. Inuyasha welcomed the petting to his ears and laid his head in his father's lap as he went to sleep; he found it very welcome to have some of the responsibilities taken from him when Sesshoumaru was alert and on guard.

TBC


	8. Coming Home

Coming Home

The pups were on the lookout for Inuyasha's return and as soon as they could run to him, all five did so and launched themselves knocking him off his feet and on to the grass where they all rough tumbled for a while in jubilant greeting. He could hardly make out what they were saying as all were speaking and demanding his attention at the same time. Soon though Inuyasha got up and enfolded them all in his arms, taking in their healthy scents and noting that they were all happy and not depressed.

Then he sat down and let them speak; taking the time to allow each one tell him something and feeling overwhelming love for them, it may have been only just over a week that he had been away but it felt much longer to him and he realised that he never wanted to be without them again. Only after they had got greeting their father out of their system, did the pups turn to Sesshoumaru and welcome him home again.

Sesshoumaru had stood waiting calmly while the family reunited; remembering when he too had welcomed his father back home and had jumped into sturdy, strong arms which could keep him safe and get rid of any childish fears. He also remembered the few times when Inuyasha had done the same; the little hanyou had several times run to him when Sesshoumaru was his brother and had visited the village that he lived in, but that was before Inuyasha learned that he was unwelcome and was spurned instead of swept up into a loving embrace.

No matter how much Sesshoumaru now wished for the past to be different, Inuyasha had been deprived of knowing the sheer joy and feeling that everything was alright because father had come home, something that Sesshoumaru and his grandchildren knew and had known. There were so many repercussions that were caused by the youkai's rejection of his hanyou offspring; none of which Sesshoumaru had foreseen or maybe he would have acted differently, surely though that was the benefit of hindsight.

But then Inuyasha turned to him after he had dusted himself down from the spontaneous romp with his pups to watch Sesshoumaru, as he in turn was surrounded by the children. There was a wistful look in the boy's eye which pained the Daiyoukai and he opened his arms to invite Inuyasha to come to him. The hanyou responded and Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms round his son while the grandpups squirmed around both of them.

Inuyasha wondered for a second how on earth he came to be standing with Sesshoumaru's arms around him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. There had been no conscious decision to do so; he had merely looked up to see his father surrounded by pups and for a few moments he had felt left out, and then Sesshoumaru turned to him and held out his arms and Inuyasha walked over and was enclosed to his father's chest firmly but comfortably.

He took a couple of minutes to relax, listening to his father's heartbeat and steady breathing; feeling the strong swirl of youki, promising safety and belonging, wrapping him like a blanket and knew that nothing could come near to him unless Sesshoumaru willed it to do so. Was this what it was like to have a father; all this feeling of being protected in this certain knowledge of the Daiyoukai's power?

Is this what Sesshoumaru had felt with _his_ father? No wonder the youkai had felt so very lost and bereft when the general died; if Inuyasha felt this way from one embrace, what must it be like to know such security and love for many years? Did Inuyasha's pups feel so safe when he held them? They must do, rushing to him as soon as he came home was their priority and always had been and Kagome said none of his friends felt so safe as when he was around, even going back to before the pups.

Although he remembered feeling loved in his mother's arms or when she tucked him to sleep with a blanket snugly, he didn't feel this safe. Quite often it was he who had felt the inherent desire to protect her, as he had done with his pack and Kagome before his little family came and after. But he had never had it directed at him before; not in such strength anyway, making him feel worthy of someone's while to keep safe and to know that it was Sesshoumaru, his father finally, was suddenly too much for him.

Sesshoumaru sensed Inuyasha's emotion and sent the pups on ahead to wash up before dinner, allowing him to give attention to his son. Still holding Inuyasha, he set up a low growl and petted him again until Inuyasha was able to answer, then Sesshoumaru asked what the matter was. Inuyasha responded to the gentle questioning and explained his impressions.

Sesshoumaru tightened his hold on his pup, it was the first time he had properly realised about Inuyasha never having been protected by a youkai. There had been no one to train the boy's youkai to help him grow whole; no youkai to protect him, in fact no protection since he'd been a tiny whelp. This was a serious omission for any with youkai blood and made it a marvel that Inuyasha had survived; in fact he may not have done so had he not been sealed to the tree.

Tessaiga notwithstanding, Inuyasha's youkai was still very strong and should have been trained to know its place in the pack to keep within its limits; in this case only Inuyasha's human blood had tempered it and the realisation almost made Sesshoumaru shudder. His son was a finely tuned and balanced hanyou; further testimony to the strength of his mother and the almost instinctive joining of two young creatures that could have made a good match given the right circumstances.

All Sesshoumaru could do now however was to assure his son in quiet words that he would always protect him now; even though he had pups of his own it didn't matter, he was still Sesshoumaru's pup. And Inuyasha believed him; in his own heart he knew that this was something he had always wanted, since he had met his strong 'brother' and throughout all the harsh treatment and bitter fights, he had wanted Sesshoumaru's love and regard.

His own flesh and blood had known things should have been different and always his youkai had cried out for Sesshoumaru to acknowledge him as more than brother, now he had done so Inuyasha's youkai was peaceful and calm in his body.

"Everything will work out my Pup." Said Sesshoumaru, once again risking Inuyasha's refusal; not a high risk considering he knew the boy very well, but risk nonetheless.

"Pup, huh; I'll have you know I am a father and a good one."

"I have seen this for myself Inuyasha, but it does not change the facts that you yourself are still a pup; you are still very youthful to have your own, especially one who is nearly sixty."

"Kagome could not have waited any longer."

"This I understand and you have both done a fine job; the pups are excellent, polite and surprisingly well behaved." There was a hint of teasing humour in the voice and Inuyasha heard it for what it was, without taking exception to being derided. He chuckled back;

"That is Kagome's doing mainly; as she got older she treated me more like one of the pups in any case, I was just as chastised as they if she thought I misbehaved or 'ran my mouth' as she said."

"I too noticed this; unfortunately it was bound to happen, the discrepancy of human and youkai maturation, yet you were both happy in your bond."

"Yes, I loved Kagome and I still miss her greatly."

"Naturally, it is only a matter of weeks since she died." There was no reply to this and Sesshoumaru was grateful; he had seen that Kagome was far more than mate to his son, for a long time she had been sister, then mate and eventually mother as well, as she aged and he did not. Inuyasha however would not be pleased to think along those lines, but to Sesshoumaru observing often, it had been obvious. Kagome was still of course his mate; but often when Inuyasha was playing with his pups, it was easy to see where the line blurred.

It seemed strange in a way to smile fondly at memories of Inuyasha now; especially as some of them were not really happy, of days when the whelp had been persecuted and not just by him. But Inuyasha was such a free being, wild even and no amount of human blood or magic rosary could fully tame the forest child spirit who had lived in and around the trees calling them home and who would be a pup for many centuries yet according to their kind.

In the end Kagome had recognised for herself that her beloved hanyou would never age mentally with her; she had known of course that he would physically stay youthful while her body aged, but she had never considered that he would stay essentially the same aged boy she had loved. He was not silly or childish as such, but there were times that she felt more a mother figure than wife to him. However it had not been a severe problem and he was a loving mate and a terrific father; giving his pups all he could, that had been denied him.

Sesshoumaru could sense that Inuyasha was once again calm and giving him a final squeeze, he kissed the top of his head in a completely natural gesture of fondness that had the hanyou once again caught off guard. But the moment of surprise vanished into a feeling of well being and the two walked into the Palace where they were greeted by Sesshoumaru's mother.

Inuyasha was a bit sheepish when he saw her, after all he hadn't been very polite even if he was truthful; but the Lady smiled graciously and put an arm around both boys as she led them into the dining hall.

"I have spent some time getting to know my great grandpups and I find them an absolute delight. Your father Sesshoumaru would have found them quite irresistible."

"As do I Mother... do I not pups, you enjoy spending time with me?" A chorus of various forms of _'yes Grandpapa'_ was heard and once again Sesshoumaru took a surreptitious glance at his son to see if the term had upset him. It did not seem to have bothered him as could have been expected, if he'd thought everything was happening too fast.

Dinner was a noisy affair as the pups were excited about their father being back and their newly discovered great Grandmother. They had been curious over the markings of both full youkai and had spent time in asking lots of questions about their family history and viewing the long gallery of portraits. Lots of squeals followed that excursion, as the pups found similarities and traits in the pictures to themselves or people they knew and the Lady was a natural story teller, able to bring to life tales of people she knew, and of balls and intrigues.

After dessert, the Lady offered to take the pups and eventually to put them to bed. The children were quite happy with the arrangement for they enjoyed the songs and stories that she knew; but they made Inuyasha promise to come to say goodnight. Not that there would have been any question of that, he already felt guilty for having been away from them so soon after their mother died. It had been necessary, but that did not stop him feeling bad; they had clung quite tightly to him when they said goodnight.

Once they were alone once again Sesshoumaru spoke;

"You are not concerned about Mother taking charge of your pups; you do not think she would harm them?"

"No."

"That is a great deal of trust in someone you only vaguely know by reputation."

"There is no danger; you love my pups and if you'd thought they would come to harm you would have stopped it." Inuyasha's voice was strong with this affirmation of his trust in his father and Sesshoumaru was humbled." Besides they can defend themselves until I reach them; Kagome didn't like me training their youkai, but it had to be done and I was firmer with her over that than I had been over Shippou."

"What method of defence do they have, they are young for their powers to have developed and I don't recall seeing their attacks?"

"I taught them what I learned; my only defence for years was claw and fang, it is the same for the pups but if they are threatened they are to attack all together and go for eyes, throat and genitals. However they are not to practice this alone nor use it in play; it is far too dangerous. I don't let them fight among themselves for that reason and they stop one another if it looks like an argument is going too far."

Sesshoumaru sighed as once again he was reminded of Inuyasha's lonely and frightening past; he truly regretted his early life choices but could do nothing really concrete about solving it anymore. It seemed that Inuyasha had grown and passed him by; he'd had to learn or die long before Sesshoumaru had changed his attitude towards his son. Inuyasha looked at his father questioningly and Sesshoumaru smiled ruefully.

"It seems that you no longer require a father at all my Pup; it is almost an insult to ask you to accept me as such now is it not? You have been a mate, you are a father yourself and everything is under your control. You have no need of me at all." His voice was soft but to Inuyasha he could hear the petulant self pity that must have been there since the youkai's childhood; but it was not something that the hanyou felt he could taunt his father about.

Inuyasha had never been malicious and although he could get incredibly angry he couldn't hold a grudge and he recognised Sesshoumaru's need to be needed; they were Inus, loyal and protective by nature with a built in desire to create a family pack. Sesshoumaru may not have recognised this need before but he had now and as Alpha it was his duty to form the cohesive pack; his instincts to shelter and protect his son and family required Inuyasha to not only know his place, but to act in harmony with it.

But then Inuyasha heard the real underlying problem; Sesshoumaru thought that his son didn't need him and Inuyasha knew how devastating that feeling was. He remembered that for many years Sesshoumaru too had been alone, except for Jaken and then Rin. Even though it had not been a neglected and hunted time for the youkai as it had been for his son, the Western Lord was acting against his type when he'd pursued his solitary travels. But Inuyasha was not going to stand for such a ridiculous statement;

"I have always needed you, always wanted you even when you hated me; you know this so why do you refuse to see it now? I know I would not be here if it wasn't for you and not just because of my birth, but you protected me in your own way as I grew, even if it was from a distance. Do you think I don't know that you could have killed me whenever you wanted; you always said I was to die, but you never did finish me off. Had you wished you could have done it no matter what your father said before or after I was born."

Sesshoumaru was speechless; he had not expected a tirade and Inuyasha wasn't finished;

"You had a normal relationship with your father; what would have happened if you'd mated normally and had a whole brood of pure youkai pups instead of an unwanted hanyou runt; would you expect your father to be bleating that you were no longer his son? You're being ridiculous; he would always be your Papa even when he became a friend, you would have always gone to him for advice and you would always have needed him."

As he'd ranted on, Inuyasha became more emotional; everything seemed to crash down on him. Whatever anyone said, Inuyasha knew that his Grandfather had many fights and disagreements with other youkai for allowing him to live and had received much scorn when he had adopted the hanyou. Sesshoumaru probably didn't know that himself, but Inuyasha had suffered a lot of derisive comments about his grandfather and his destructive love of humans and hanyou; things they would never have said to the full youkai, they'd had no trouble in saying to the half-breed.

One thing that Sesshoumaru had always been able to do was know exactly how Inuyasha was thinking at any given time; mainly because _he_ had trained him in his feelings of inadequacy, coupled with the hanyou's general low esteem. It was now time to try to reverse this; he had not thought to while Inuyasha was happy and mated, there had been no need, but now the pup didn't have Kagome to support him and it would be too easy for the old insecurities to surface again.

Again the answer came perfectly naturally to him and he suited the action to the deed, he pulled Inuyasha out of his chair and once more held the boy to him closely whilst reaching down to tap him smartly on his bottom. Inuyasha yelped in surprise rather than hurt, while his father smirked at him, but spoke seriously;

"Remember your own solution to how a father should deal with a pup whose reasoning is flawed Inuyasha? Remember how you yourself said my father's death was the fault of neither of us? And before you tell me that you said nothing, I know what you were thinking. The time is long past for all of those harmful thoughts; do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly clear thank you." Inuyasha was huffy but he was still being held and it was such a safe and comfortable feeling; something he knew he wanted to get used to, it was acceptance not only by Sesshoumaru but also Sesshoumaru as his father. He huffed again and was amazed to hear Sesshoumaru grumble back in amusement, before he carried on speaking;

"But of course you are correct in your assumption that I would have always needed my father; I had just not considered it in such a way before." Sesshoumaru realised of course that Inuyasha was right and wasn't he proving it there and then? It didn't matter how many pups the boy had, or how good a father he was, Inuyasha still needed reassurance and acceptance and to listen to the wisdom the older youkai had to offer in order for him to grow too and know he was loved.

"Come Inuyasha, it is time for you to say goodnight to your pups and then I think to retire yourself for the night." Before Inuyasha could loudly protest at such a notion, he was caught out in a face splitting yawn which made Sesshoumaru's smug look even smugger, until his mother came in through the door. She smiled at them as she passed to go and sit in a chair;

"It has been a long day for you Inuyasha Pup, and you too Sesshoumaru; an early bedtime would be very wise for you both and I can catch up with you my son, in the morning. Your little ones await you Inuyasha; Goodnight my boys." She had her own smirk on her face as she pictured the indignant look from both of them; but they obeyed her without a word.

TBC


	9. Jealousy

Jealousy

Feeling very refreshed after his early sleep time followed by a good breakfast, Sesshoumaru's brain was even sharper than usual. His mother was already at work and Inuyasha and the pups were finishing their meal. His mother would always find something that needed doing around the Palace and there were enough of the servants who remembered that she was the prior Lady of the West and who preferred to have dealings with a woman for some of the household matters.

Inuyasha however still hadn't called Sesshoumaru by name or title when he was speaking to him and it was a noticeable omission. To the Youkai it meant that his son was still in a state of flux and that was not good for any of them; it was not as if Inuyasha was unsure of Sesshoumaru's paternity of him, no, he accepted that the Daiyoukai was his sire. It was whether or not he would acceptthe role of _father_ from Sesshoumaru that Inuyasha hadn't decided on; the far more personal relationship and the public submission he would have to show.

The trouble was Sesshoumaru wasn't sure how to help Inuyasha; he knew the heart of the problem lay in the scant amount of time they had shared in a closer warmer relationship, up against the many years of hatred and abuse the boy had suffered. It was glaringly obvious to Sesshoumaru that Inuyasha desired to fully trust his father but was holding back out of fear; not just for him but also the pups, not wanting to tie them to a regime that might ultimately fail them. Sesshoumaru knew that he would not betray Inuyasha's trust, but how to prove it to his protective and still suspicious offspring?

"So impatient, my Sesshoumaru." The Lady said to her son who had not heard her approach, he had been so deeply in thought. "Your Pup is so young and afraid; he needs to learn to trust you fully and you must give him the time to do so."

"For so long I wanted his fear and I made sure that I got it; now the idea makes me want to vomit."

"Now you understand your father and the value of any child, let alone your own. But you also forget that although you have always known that Inuyasha is your son, even as you called him brother, but he has only just found out this truth. It is a lot for the pup to absorb, besides trying hard to believe in your own affection for him."

"I am going to the gardens to be with them for a while should anyone need me." Sesshoumaru said and his mother nodded in understanding. Soon the Great Lord of the West was outside and playing chase with his grandpups while Inuyasha sat in a tree watching over them. It was still a source of amazement seeing Sesshoumaru play with the pups; even laughing as he caught them up, boosting them in turns into the air and catching them safely.

A great surge of jealousy overcame Inuyasha followed by a feeling of self despising as he watched Sesshoumaru play with the pups and he leapt from his tree in great bounds to reach his room before any could really notice that he'd gone. However the salty trail that he left in his wake was easy to notice and follow, which is how Grandmother found him as he lay face down on his bed. She stroked his hair and cooed softly at him without making immediate demands as to what was the matter, but soon she could hear him muttering;

"I don't deserve my pups." Was the muffled and tearful answer followed by "I don't want _him _playing with them." That came out as a whine and his Grandmother said;

"Why Inuyasha; you know he will not harm them and they enjoy his games?" Grandmother was asking him leading questions now; Inuyasha needed to get this bitterness out of his system.

"I don't know why. I just don't."

"It would be a shame if you forbade it, they play well together and Sesshoumaru is so good with the children." There was no reply this time except for a few choked sobs and Grandmother looked across the room at her son who had appeared at the door. Sesshoumaru had come almost as fast as his mother in search of the upset hanyou who had not yet sensed him at all. However he stayed at the door as his mother shook her head at him, it would be better if Inuyasha didn't know he was there for the time being.

"I don't care; I can play with them, and _he_ doesn't have the right to play with my kids."

"Hush pup, you don't mean that; your pups love him and he them, you wouldn't really be selfish with your wish to stop them." Grandmother decided it was time to be firm and stop the spoiled behaviour Inuyasha was showing. Inuyasha sat up and stared at her; his face was red and hot and although he looked very young, his eyes were old.

"I know what you want me to do; you want me to leave and my kids to stay so you can both play happy families with them and if I'm not selfish I will do it, because it will be better here for my five pups than keeping them in a village where soon everyone they know will die away. I lose my pups and I'll die too, there'll be nothing left for me… "

By now Sesshoumaru had had enough with his son's unhappy ramblings; he knew that Inuyasha had valid grounds for his insecurities but he also had a propensity to be overly dramatic when he was upset. Inuyasha had been fine yesterday and this morning; their relationship seemed to be developing well, but it showed Sesshoumaru that even though Inuyasha may want to be family, he still quickly felt insecure and full of old pain. The youkai approached his son, ready for an attack if Inuyasha felt threatened and took him in his arms soothing the distraught boy with his aura and calm demeanour.

"Mother is unaware of all our history Inuyasha; she only knows that I neglected you and not that I actively sought out to hurt and torment you. But you too are forgetting that I do not lie; no one is going to take your pups away or try to seduce them from you. I know what you are feeling, you are my son and I never played or cared for you in the way I do your pups; you feel a natural jealousy and are impatient with yourself for doing so."

The words, so calmly spoken yet with obvious deep regret, had the surprising effect of lessening the aggressive anger that Inuyasha was wont to show instantly. But they did bring more tears, especially when Grandmother also apologised for her words; explaining that she had not been interested in anything for many years after her mate died and only helped protect Inuyasha from a distance when required. She wanted to know just what Sesshoumaru had done to the boy, but just got a _'later'_ from her son.

"Why? Why didn't I appeal to you like my pups do; I didn't shame you by my looks 'cept my ears and I was a good pup? I tried so hard to be what you wanted and do as you said all the time, but I was never good enough was I?"

"My Pup, I have admitted I was wrong to deal with you in the manner I did; how do we get around this?"

"I dunno… tell me about Rin; I know resurrected human, orphaned girl who adored you but that's about all…I don't know why you took her in, or what the difference was between her and an orphaned hanyou who also adored you at one time. No, forget that; I do know why you couldn't abide me now."

"Yes, I think it's about time to tell you of Rin; but I will only do so if you can stop crying, my need to comfort you is too great for me to tell stories at the same time." Sesshoumaru was snuffling and growling at Inuyasha's throat, in the same way his son did with his own pups when they were in need of solace. Inuyasha responded in the way that Sesshoumaru hoped, settling down and leaning on his father. Grandmother decided to stay too but she sat out of the hanyou's view so as not to distract the two boys.

"I was left injured when you learned how to do Kaze no Kizu; Rin found me and tried to aid me offering food and water such as she was able. It was sparse meagre fare but I have no doubt that she ate no better. The child was dirty, had signs of bruising consistent with several beatings and yet although cautious, was not afraid to offer her assistance to me.

"After I recovered and left, I smelt the child's blood in the air and I went back only to find her dead from a wolf attack. I felt… pity for her and used Tenseiga to rouse her, since when she followed me having no home or family to return to. Rin greatly reminded me of you my Pup; do not shake your head Inuyasha, it was my shame in the abandonment of you that caused me to wish to atone.

"Every bruise she had, every sign of neglect, I had seen or caused before on you; each time she hoped I'd notice her with her eager gentle expression, I had seen all before, but where I had ignored or chastised you I could not do so again to another child. Rin owed her life to you; by the time I was beginning to realise how despicable my dealings with you, it was too late to reverse the damage at the time and you would never have believed me, or so I thought.

"But I was in error; I judged you by myself, I would have found it impossible to forgive such crimes against me, but not you. You would have welcomed me with open arms had I only apologised and explained myself to you, as I try to do now; instead of perpetuating the disdain, but I have learned a great many hard lessons since you have been unsealed."

Inuyasha got up and went to the window overlooking the immaculate lawns; he was remembering Rin not as the little child that followed Sesshoumaru but the growing girl to woman he had known latterly. She had grown to be a friend to his wife and companion to his brother but not his mate; yet she had been extremely good to him, often smothering him in kindness which made Kagome smile.

He had thought the gifts with beautiful stitching or tasty baking that had started almost as soon as he and Kagome were separated for the three years, was because Sesshoumaru wouldn't let her indulge in such behaviour with him and Inuyasha was the closest the girl could get to his brother; but now he had his eyes opened suddenly. His heart rate rose alarmingly and alerted both youkai to his tumult.

"When did you tell her Sesshoumaru?" He asked, not noticing the flash of dismay on his father's face at the use of his name. After the careful avoidance of either name or title from the hanyou, this did not bode well for his acceptance of the youkai in the personal position of parent.

"I did not _'tell'_ her; not intentionally, she figured it out and asked me. It was just before Naraku was destroyed."

"She just figured it out?" The sarcasm of the question was not lost on Sesshoumaru.

"Quite, she asked Jaken; saying that she thought I sometimes acted more like a concerned father than brother for you, in the latter days of Naraku. Jaken's usual vocal stumbling and angry bluster did not contradict her quickly enough and she realised rather that he had confirmed it; she only asked me for confirmation. Rin was a very intelligent child."

"That meant that Kagome knew as well." Was the shocked reply which Sesshoumaru could not refute.

"Not until after your first pup was born; I had her wait and keep her news to herself when she was a child, but as the girls grew closer it became inevitable, besides I needed to know if it was wise to approach you on the subject."

"Who decided it wasn't and why…?" Inuyasha was clutching himself tightly, his claws digging in through his sleeves and they could smell the blood. This was going to take a lot of control from Sesshoumaru; he did not want to anger either Inuyasha or himself by saying something they both might regret.

"The time was never right. I waited for you both to come back through the Meidou but when you returned alone, you were in no state of mind to take on new ideas and besides we were only just reconciled. I asked Rin to stay in the village to learn from Kaede partly because she was growing and needed to be among her own kind, but also that I had an obvious excuse to keep checking on you as well; but Rin also agreed so that she could make sure you were looked after.

Sesshoumaru didn't think it necessary at this point to tell Inuyasha that Rin had decided to adopt the hanyou as her own pup, something that carried on with her privately until her childless death; it had been obvious to the person who knew her best, and they never spoke of it. He also knew that it wouldn't take long for Inuyasha to work it out for himself anyway.

"What about all that time I was with Kagome, when she knew and I didn't; how could she keep a secret like that from me?

"Kagome had concerns that as you both had new pups and were fully involved with your growing family as well as forging a relationship with your 'brother', you might easily become distracted or upset, which would be to the detriment of your family who needed you happy and contented. I conceded the point completely; I knew that you were still very young to be a father and your time with your mate was limited by her humanity.

"There would be plenty of time later for us to reconcile with the truth of our relationship. We knew there would be difficulties to your acceptance and therefore kept you ignorant of your parentage whilst your mate required you."

"Feh! You make it sound like I'd have a tantrum or go berserk or something." Inuyasha said angrily. But at that point his Grandmother came over to him and said;

"Everyone makes mistakes Pup; but in this, your mate and father were correct. You and they required stability in your lives; your pups needed you and Kagome to be parents, giving them love and safety. If you had known then what you do now, you would have been even less prepared to deal with it and you are having a hard enough time as it is; and you have known a far kinder Sesshoumaru than you did sixty years ago."

"Feh!...You still haven't told me all about Rin. Why didn't you mate her? I know, I know, I'm asking a personal question…but it's important."

"If I am to tell you the reason Inuyasha, I will need you to be truthful to me when I ask you questions. I think that is a fair trade."

Keh! I don't lie." Inuyasha retorted but quailed inside at the arched eyebrow of Sesshoumaru. "Well I don't."

"Let's say that you can twist the truth to suit you, or evade it completely then shall we? But you will not lie to me or attempt it if you wish to sit comfortably at dinner this evening." Sesshoumaru said, attempting to lighten the mood which had become a little oppressive.

"Feh!"

"Very well, you know that I would have willingly made Rin my mate when she was old enough to know for certain that she wanted me in the same way. I would not have taken her as young as humans normally mate; I was going to wait until she was physically mature and not when her body changed. I agreed with your mate that she would be healthier for the waiting. Had we become mates there would naturally have been pups."

"Well yeah; so…you aren't telling me that you still bore that _'hanyou's are worthless__,__ dirty blooded_ _creatures only worthy of death' _are you, 'cos I don't believe that anymore? I've seen you playing with my pups and when you and Rin babysat them, you were happy and I know you were thinking that they could be yours and hers."

"Indeed, I was often struck by the irony; but tell me how you felt when you saw Rin and I with your pups, did you like the sight?"

"Feh! If I weren't happy I wouldn't let you look after them; besides I thought Rin was practicing…you know."

"I do know and I know you were jealous often when you watched us from the tree; tell me why, was it because you wanted to join us?"

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps? The truth if you please Inuyasha, it is important."

"Okay…I didn't mean to get all green eyed as Kagome said. I just wished you'd looked at me that way sometimes; I mean, pleased to see me play like you were pleased with my pups. I never played with anyone before I had pups 'cept Mama. I couldn't help think that if things had been different…"

"And therein lay my problem Inuyasha; you had no way of knowing your position in my heart at the time. Had Rin and I had pups and then told you that you too were my son; I would have lost you, perhaps forever. You would have seen our happiness and compared it to yours and your mother's and we would never have been reconciled.

"You would never have accepted Rin as a step mother; we both knew how you felt about her as a child and disharmony and possibly animosity could have grown with you and the other pups, or you might have felt my love did not extend to you as much as to my legitimate offspring. I would not have a situation develop between any of my pups as had existed with us when you thought I was your brother."

"Rin went along with this?"

"She did, she fully understood and agreed; even though it cost her the chance of motherhood. She understood you were still only a young pup even if you were a father; your reaction this afternoon has only proved your youth. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling or acting, but as your father I must take your feelings into consideration. I have been trying to do so for a long time now and it has not been any easier for me than for you."

Inuyasha was silent as he thought over Sesshoumaru's revelation; the magnitude of his father's sacrifice was staggering, he had refrained from mating Rin and having pups at great cost to both of them because he didn't want Inuyasha to ever feel replaced again especially by other hanyou pups. No one had ever considered him so important that they would put his feelings above their own before; Kagome excepted, but certainly not Sesshoumaru.

As it all sank in Inuyasha began to shake, his heart was in turmoil; sadness and regret flooded his mind, regret for the lost chance at siblings. But he knew that Sesshoumaru was correct, Inuyasha would not have understood or believed that he was just as wanted as any pup Rin could have given his father. He did not even realise that he was weeping once again until his shaking frame was wrapped in what he now could not doubt were loving arms, that held him close to his father's heart.

"Hush my Inuyasha; do not grieve, Rin and I were happy with what we did have and I have never regretted the choices we made. I love you and would not have wanted to cause you any further anxiety." Sesshoumaru rested his head on top of Inuyasha's and growled low in order to comfort his pup but he could not restrain a few tears of his own when he heard his son whimper;

"Papa."

TBC


	10. Letter

Letter

The Lady on hearing the whimpered and shy _'Papa' _from her grandson and scenting the slight tang of salt in the air, quietly left the father and son to their privacy and went to find the pups. Once she had ascertained that they were still happily playing in the care of their nursemaids and under a watchful guard, she returned to her rooms to send a messenger to her own home.

There would be no going back for either Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha now; once the hanyou gave his heart it was complete, his loyalty was unwavering, which was why he could never have abandoned Kikyou even though it hurt Kagome. He had known that Kikyou was no longer real but what did that matter when she still had a part of her betrayed soul and he had loved her. True he had loved her out of a childish loneliness, but it was still a friendship he would not deny and he had done all he possibly could to help and save her.

Now years later, his heart and soul was back where it should always have been, in his father's keeping until he was of an age to leave; and in normal youkai standards that would not have been for a few more centuries. Despite all that he had lived through and done with his life so far, his youkai had always wanted and pined for the Daiyoukai for all of that life and was now content, safe in his father's arms.

For Sesshoumaru the feeling of having his son safe and accepting in his embrace was more than he could ever have believed possible. Involuntarily he tightened his grip on the hanyou almost to the point of causing pain, but Inuyasha was not going to complain; he had longed for this for far too long to want it to stop, he belonged in his family again and it was wonderful. But almost as precious to him was to hear;

"My son, my Pup, My Inuyasha," uttered with such love as he had never dreamed possible. For such a potentially long lived creature, Inuyasha's greatest dread had always been living his long, long life alone away from any contact. Although he knew in reality it probably wouldn't have happened; even if nothing had outright killed him, he would have died of loneliness, literally. But now he was home and as Sesshoumaru held him, Inuyasha's youkai recognised his alpha and was accepted in turn.

It was some time later that the pair emerged and were immediately swamped by the pups that could not be held back; they had sensed the emotions surrounding them and could also scent the tears which caused them to worry. Then to everyone's surprise one of the twins started dancing in positive glee;

"You got spanked by Grandpapa didn't you Papa; that's why you is crying? Ha-ha, bad Papa; what did you do?" His words caused all the pups to look curiously at their father as if waiting for his answer. But it was Sesshoumaru who replied.

"Your Papa has not been disciplined but if you do not personally wish to find out how I would do so, you will stop harassing him; now I believe it is time for dinner, have you all washed?" He smiled as they ran off, their attention diverted at the promise of food. Before the older father and son had got far however, there was an announcement from the guard that Totousai had arrived and was waiting for them in the dining hall.

"Better hurry if anyone else wants dinner today, he'll eat the lot." Inuyasha muttered.

"Indeed, but we always keep food on hand for our unexpected visitors, especially those with voracious appetites; he will find it hard to tax our kitchens. Come let us see what he wants." Sesshoumaru led the way and they found the Master Smith already half through a roasted boar with all the trimmings.

"To what do we owe the honour of this visit Totousai?"

"Ah, Sesshoumaru; I need one of your fangs of course, why else would I be here."

"Why, I have not ordered a sword from you."

"You and Inu-pup here have accepted each other finally as father and son, haven't you? He needs a new seal." The reason was clear as day to the smith.

"Inuyasha has Tessaiga, you know this besides how do you know of Inuyasha's acceptance, it has only just happened?"

"The General told me to get your fang at the proper time and that was when you were accepted as the Pup's true father. That time is now, so here I am and I want your fang." Totousai would never explain further how he knew just when to call, it was always his mystery. But Inuyasha had to reiterate part of Sesshoumaru's question.

"But I have Tessaiga, to seal my youkai."

"Yeah, and it's doing a great job but you are only a young pup; as you get older you'll need a stronger seal and that can only come from your father."

"But my Father was stronger than me, at least until I reach his age." Sesshoumaru reminded the smith.

"True, but he was only Inuyasha's grandfather and could only give some of _his_ youkai powers to the sword; but the pup's youkai will fully recognise the seal from your fang as it contains elements of you, that is your father and mother combined. It is more in tune with your son's blood as he too contains elements of your mother which your father alone could not contribute. There is no break in the blood line from you to your pup."

"But I don't…Tessaiga is my sword…" Inuyasha said, worried that he might lose his heirloom.

"Yes, nobody is suggesting otherwise."

"But…"

"Nobody said the seal had to be in a sword. Tessaiga is also a weapon, and you don't need another weapon. I can replace some of the beads on your rosary if you wish, make them from your father's fang. It would work well."

"You may have my fang after our dinner Totousai; I will need it before, so I can eat." Sesshoumaru ignored the self satisfied smirk on the smith's face…for now. But he did not ignore the wave of despondency and sullen expression of Inuyasha; this time he knew the direction of his pup's thoughts and he stroked the boy's ears to cheer him up.

"All is well Inuyasha, I shall train your youkai in any case and he is far more malleable now that he has a place in the family and is accepted by his father and alpha. You will not lose yourself to him again."

"Nor would you have done before if this had been done years ago." Totousai said grimly.

"Well, why was it not done when I stopped being aggressive to my son; long before Naraku's death? I would have donated my fang willingly and you know it Totousai." Sesshoumaru was angry but the smith was irritated with him too;

"Humph, that would have done no good; Pup also had to know, the fang can only calm a willing youkai effectively. The General's fang was far better than yours while Inuyasha was ignorant of his true sire." Having got the final word, Totousai wisely shut up and continued his meal until he was greeted by the Lady who had just entered with Inuyasha's pups. They were fascinated by the old man who rode a three eyed cow and they congregated around him staring before anyone could chide them for their rudeness.

"Come away brats; leave Totousai to enjoy his dinner." Inuyasha rebuked.

"Hey, leave 'em be; not doing any harm. Hee hee hee, I could tell you such stories about these two, pups…"

"Thank you Totousai but I believe you will need to be getting back after you have my fang." Interrupted Sesshoumaru as Totousai grinned.

"When I return then, I'll not be in such a hurry." He smiled conspiratorially at the now eager pups and then started to converse with the Lady to stop any retribution from the Lord of the West and his hot tempered son. Despite the very slight tension, dinner was a cheerful affair especially when Totousai seemed to space out and forget why he had come after dinner was finished. The pups thought he was great and all wanted to get a clear view of him pulling grandpapa's fang which he was happy to oblige.

He then took the rosary from Inuyasha and departed on his cow watched by the adoring pups that then ran off and proceeded to play a new game; Totousai and the pulling of the Fang. Sesshoumaru just watched them as each pup took turns to be the smith and their grandfather, although he was not amused at the grunts, groans and screeches that came from the various little Sesshoumarus, he knew he had been most dignified and had not made a sound.

However when he saw the happy smirk on Inuyasha's face as he too watched their play, Sesshoumaru endured it; because while his son was being distracted from the need for the fang, he was not feeling inadequate or ashamed. The pups played until their bath and bedtimes, when Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru strolled around the gardens until it was time to say goodnight to the youngsters; then they went to the Lord's study for a glass of wine and to wait on the Lady who had a letter for them.

She handed the letter which was wrapped in a soft leather scroll over to her son who stared at the names on the outside that were embossed in gilt; Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru ran his finger delicately over their names and could feel an enchantment send tingles through his arm. He looked to his mother who smiled and said;

"In unison you both need to touch the other one's name and at the same time speak your own name while allowing your youki to pass through the gold in order to open the barrier."

"This is from Father, I can scent him within the barrier; but why such an elaborate key to open it?"

"The contents of the letter will explain it to you my son."

"Inuyasha come let us open the letter and read it together."

"I…I can't."

"It is addressed to both of us Pup; you are entitled to hear your Grandfather's words to you."

"No, I mean…I only had some learning from Mama…my reading isn't all that good."

"That is something we will rectify immediately but for now I will read for both of us."

"_My Sesshoumaru, my beloved son,_

_This letter pains me to write as I know that if you are reading it then I am no longer living and can no longer embrace you or my dearest soul mate, your mother. But my pup, I am so very__,__ very proud of you; you stand beside my grandson at last and you are united as Father and Child. _

_I know this because the seal would not have been broken in any other situation; your youkai's have accepted each other in this role. However difficult this journey has been for you, you will now find out the truth your mother and I tried to show you at the beginning, parenthood is very worthwhile._

_Maybe you already know this, perhaps you have other pups but it matters not if you have one hundred pups, if one is missing your soul is incomplete. I always miss you and your mother if I am away, the emptiness never leaves you and you will find it is the same with your children now your firstborn is part of your family. _

_Obviously I do not know all that has happened to bring you both to this point but here I have a word for my Grandson._

_Inuyasha, I am going to presume that that is still your name; your father offered your name before your birth and the seal works on your youkai and intent, you also make me proud. I know you cannot have had an easy life, the very nature of a hanyou is often in conflict within itself apart from the way others will view you; I also know that your father is not always the easiest of beings to deal with and I obviously do not know how much time has passed to allow him to grow up himself._

_But that he will become a worthy man I have absolutely no doubt; he is strong and honourable and I also have no doubt that you too have inherited these qualities. Together you are far stronger than apart and Inuyasha__,__ if you have siblings, remember you and they are your father's sons equally in blood and within the family._

_But that brings me to another point and this one is of our laws. Inuyasha cannot inherit from you Sesshoumaru__,__ unless you have mated with Izayoi and I doubt that you have. Only your eldest pup from a full mating can do so__,__ unless you have no other issue than Inuyasha. Knowing this I have secured a portion of land that is now ceded to the West and that belonged to Izayoi's family, it would be her dowry portion and becomes your son's inheritance along with an adjoining area I have bequeathed. _

_I have a steward overseeing this land and laws in place to assure that it will become Inuyasha's land when he attains his majority. This would happen whether or not you were reconciled however; this is his birthright from both of his parents. But the land is not completely independent of the West, it pays its allegiance to you and in turn you provide for defence even though it currently falls under your mother's jurisdiction._

_I think and hope that that time is still a long way off; I am sure that you are only a young pup Inuyasha as Sesshoumaru has too much honour to deny you for too long. Perhaps I come to know you well my child and you will know me as a very fond Grandpapa; I hope so because I already love you very much now._

_So my beloved boys, I end this letter wishing I could have held you both and kept you safe for far longer than I did do and I know there is a lot of learning to do for you both; but persevere with each other and you will reap the joys I have known with my family. May the blessings of your Father and Grandfather be on you both forever and my everlasting love to my dearest mate, who is watching me now as I pen these words and who will give you this letter at the appropriate times__.__"_

Neither Inuyasha nor Sesshoumaru were unaffected by this letter and the Lady went to replenish their glasses of wine. Inuyasha was amazed at the fact that he would be a landowner and was touched by his Grandfather's foresight and generosity, it was not so much for him but it would mean a legitimate position for his pups; but more than that, the sheer love that came from the letter for him brought tears to his eyes.

Sesshoumaru had moved to stand by the fire still holding the letter which he kept bringing to his nose to find the elusive scent of his father; his mother came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder and offered him a silk square handkerchief which he used to wipe his eyes. The words of his father meant a great deal to him; the General had known this day would come and had made sure that Sesshoumaru knew how much he was believed in and how proud his father was of him.

Suddenly realising that Inuyasha was holding back uncertainly from mother and son, Sesshoumaru held his hand out to the boy and pulled him in close to them. Inuyasha then pushed his nose under his father's chin and whined until Sesshoumaru growled comfortingly back; they stood for a while in the warmth of the fire sipping their wine and pondering on the letter.

When the Lady went to sit down, both boys sat near her on cushions and she told them both stories of the Great General until it was time for bed. Sesshoumaru was able to appreciate his father's ways and deeds better now that he too was fully grown and had been Lord for some time; far more than when he had been about Inuyasha's age and his father was still someone to be youthfully challenged.

It made him smile ruefully when he considered how Inuyasha annoyed him intensely when he did it to Sesshoumaru; a father had to be very patient with young Inu posturing. But he was glad he now had been given the opportunity to see it in its rightful light; any disobedient streak Inuyasha showed was now just going to be a form of stretching his limits rather than deliberate rebellion. Sesshoumaru also took the opportunity to say that he would not revoke his gifts to his grandchildren even in the light of Inuyasha's inheritance; they were his personal gifts to them.

It had been yet another long day as it turned out, full of drama and yet once again they had come through without too much problem which boded well for the future.

TBC


	11. New Restraint

Ch 11 New Restraint 

Totousai returned within the month with the modified kotodama necklace. It looked no different than usual; the smith didn't want to tamper with something that was so precious to Inuyasha in his remembrance of Kagome, but all the white beads were now blended with Sesshoumaru's fang.

"A word of caution before you replace it Inuyasha, you will be more aware of your father's youkai restraining your own and it might seem a bit oppressive. It won't last, you are too much of a fighter and both youkai's will settle down, but at first…just be aware. Sesshoumaru you too must be patient with him."

Inuyasha was a little unnerved by this news but Sesshoumaru was not surprised; he was always more aware of his father whenever he had drawn Tenseiga and his father was not in the land of the living. But Totousai was correct to warn them, how much stronger the awareness would be for a hanyou with a need for the restraint of a father who was very much alive.

"Should you need to call Inuyasha back from a rampage induced by his youkai being out of his control, you will have failed him Sesshoumaru; but it can be done by touching the necklace directly and pulling his youki from him. Being his father you will be able to subdue it completely for a time, even to the point of leaving him human; it is something you should try once the necklace is in place."

A wave of despair rolled off Inuyasha and he turned his head away from both youkai; the idea that he could become stronger as he aged and maybe even less predictable was both frightening and humiliating for him. Sesshoumaru moved towards him but before he could speak Totousai grabbed Inuyasha by the arm and spun the boy round to face him.

"You are what you are Pup, no sense in being silly about it; can't change the facts, but I hadn't finished what I was going to say." He paused, staring into the fire while Inuyasha dragged his sleeve across his eyes; then the smith had to be prompted for the rest of his remark as he looked like he had gone to sleep.

"What? Oh yes, the necklace. Right; when it is attuned to you both, which will be as soon as you are wearing it Inuyasha, your youkai should always be sound in mind when you transform. You will have far more control over him too because you will be linked to his alpha and will be drawing on your father's strength. The only way to convince you is for you to practice and this I insist on while I am here just in case I need to re-adjust the fang in any way.

Inuyasha took the necklace from Totousai and stared at it feeling that he had just changed one form of control for another. True he trusted both Kagome and Sesshoumaru; but it just highlighted the fact that he could not have ultimate control over himself and there was a certain bitterness welling inside him, but Totousai was right, no amount of wishing would make it any different. If it were one of his pups, he would just tell them to hurry up and get on with it and stop fussing.

"Inuyasha, there is no need to fuss; hurry up and put the necklace on and we'll see if it works properly." Sesshoumaru's words cut across his son's own thoughts so exactly, that Inuyasha looked up astonished; suddenly it didn't seem so bad, Sesshoumaru was his papa in just the same way that he was papa to his pups and Inuyasha swallowed hard, shut his eyes and put on the Kotodama once again.

At first it felt like incredibly strong ice chains had instantly wrapped themselves around every part of his mind and body almost to the point of suffocation and Inuyasha started to panic, but got more agitated if Sesshoumaru went near to him. The close proximity of the Youkai Lord was making the boy nervous too, and Sesshoumaru looked to Totousai to check that everything was normal. The smith just rolled his eyes at them both.

"I told you what would happen you stupid pup; calm down or you'll make it worse." Totousai's words reached Inuyasha and he did try to calm and suddenly the icy chains felt like cool water; they were no longer restricting, but rather more soothing. But Inuyasha was still very aware of Sesshoumaru's influence on his youkai and it made him bristle; he didn't want to give up his own self control.

Sesshoumaru's own concern for Inuyasha translated unfortunately into an angry response, even as he understood the very real worry that the hanyou had of anyone influencing him; something Sesshoumaru would also baulk against most strongly. His son though couldn't take the risk of ignoring his growing youkai; it would still be immature when his more balancing human side would have reached its peak, that would be the most dangerous time for him until he was old enough to balance again, which could take centuries.

"Inuyasha, stop fighting this; accept it as inevitable."

"Why should I? If you train me properly I'll be O.K. I accept you are my father and alpha already so why do I need your youkai in me?"

"It is not _inside_ you, foolish boy; the beads are just influencing your youkai, stop fighting it."

"I can't; I don't want it."

"Then take it off and if you run amok and kill your pups, who will be to blame but yourself?" Sesshoumaru hissed loudly in an unguarded turn of phrase; stunned silence greeted this uncharacteristic outburst, and the youkai turned ready to defend as he felt the spike in real anger from his son. But the anger dropped as quickly as it had risen; but it was followed by the scent of Inuyasha's shame and tears with the hanyou's ears plastered to his head.

"I apologise Inuyasha; that was a cruel thing to say."

"No, I'm a danger to my pups."

"That is not what I said."

"Yes it is. Get on with it, whatever it is you want me to do." Inuyasha's voice was husky as he swallowed his emotion and Sesshoumaru decided to take advantage of his quiescence. Totousai asked Inuyasha to release his youkai slowly but the hanyou didn't know how to do that under control, so Sesshoumaru called to it using his authority as Alpha. To Inuyasha's surprise he seemed to know what to do as he responded to his father's voice and soon he was standing before them as his transformed self.

But he could feel the difference, his mind was far clearer and he could tell that this time he would remember all that transpired; his father's fang dampening the devastating effects that his strong blood could produce in him. But the feel was different to that of Tessaiga; the harmony was different and did seem to tie in to all of his youkai better.

This was the first time Sesshoumaru had seen this aspect of his son properly and certainly never in such a placid state, although he could feel the youki swirling about and knew that this side of Inuyasha was still far less predictable. He could also feel the connection between him and Inuyasha; even though it was slight and very subtle, unless of course he needed to use it when it would become far more pronounced.

Thinking swiftly, he now asked Inuyasha if he knew what they were going to now and on getting a deep voiced yet still subdued yes, Sesshoumaru proceeded to touch the beads and to pull the youkai from his son. It came easily and quickly and soon a human Inuyasha stood where the youkai one had been; there was no pain because this was not purification but the human was obviously uncomfortable, Inuyasha hated being human and weak.

The beads were a success; Sesshoumaru knew that even if Inuyasha was lost to his youkai and not just participating as he had done now, he would be able to reduce the boy's youkai to safe levels and bring him out of a mindless state. At this point Totousai retired to the kitchens claiming he was hungry; Sesshoumaru just nodded, he was pleased with the way the beads worked knowing he could keep his son safe at all times but now he had a human boy to deal with, one who was asking him in no uncertain terms to change him back.

"I cannot do that Inuyasha; it would overtax your body to feed you youkai so soon after two transformations unless it was an emergency."

"Hell no…You mean I gotta stay like this until my own youkai comes back?" Inuyasha's heart rate started to rocket as his instincts kicked in heavily. Sesshoumaru was quick to soothe;

"I'm afraid so, but I promise I shall never do that unless it is absolutely necessary Inuyasha; I shall never use it to punish or intimidate you. It is purely to keep you safe; soon you will not even notice the necklace is there, anymore than you did before."

"Feh! How long before my youkai comes back anyway?"

"By tomorrow morning Inuyasha; but do not worry you are perfectly safe."

"I can't be like this for the rest of the day; my pups have never seen me like this."

"Then perhaps it's about time that they did; I shall call them in and explain."

"No, you can't do that; they don't need to know about me being human at all."

"Ridiculous Inuyasha, they know about their own humanity and are completely unconcerned, just as they should be."

"I don't care; change me back please."

"No, certainly not; I will not risk your health. Stop being so petulant." Sesshoumaru went to the door and called for the pups. "They will see you at dinner time if not before and they are owed an explanation before then."

"I said no."

"Ridiculous, Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru ignored all the warning signs until he was screeched at.

"I said no; they are my pups, not yours." Inuyasha was fuming and Sesshoumaru got a strange sense of déjà vu as he stared at his son. Inuyasha was upset and holding himself rigid with his fists clenched at his sides and looking like he might stamp his foot in anger any second. Sesshoumaru remembered the pose from a time in the pup's past, when the youkai's careless foot obliterated some of his carefully made little toys.

Inuyasha had been human then too and had told him off in just the same way; the memory didn't make him smile, he had knocked the tiny boy to the floor for his rudeness in the past and Inuyasha didn't look much older now, in fact his expression was exactly the same. Then Inuyasha turned on his heel and started to leave, but he was almost bowled over by his pups entering the room. They all stared at him, instantly knowing their father despite his unfamiliar look.

In answer to their barrage of questions, Inuyasha briefly explained it was something Sesshoumaru had done and that it was only until the morning, and they weren't to fuss their grandfather while Inuyasha went to bed as he felt tired and was not hungry for dinner.

"Inuyasha you may go and rest but you will join us for dinner and not keep acting like a sulking pup; we have a guest." Sesshoumaru whispered in his son's ear and gave him a firm swat to his rear. Inuyasha though ignored him and went out, quickly leaving his astonished pups to wonder about him. Sesshoumaru gave an impatient snort and told the pups to go and play in their room until it was time to bathe before their dinner.

A tiny hand slipped into his and he looked down into the concerned golden eyes of his eldest Granddaughter Izamai, who had been named after both her Grandmothers.

"Don't be cross with Papa, please Grandpapa; he always hates to be human, Mama always said she needed her most patience with him then."

"You surprise me Izamai, I didn't realise you knew that your Papa had a human night. He does not know you know this."

"No, he doesn't; but we have known for a long time, we may be pups but we aren't stupid. Papa is hanyou like us but he had a harder time than we have when he was a little pup and he just always wants to protect us. That's why he never wanted us to know that he changes; it scares him still like when he was small."

"How would you know all of this pup?"

"I asked Mama; one night she had come to make Papa a drink and I was up as well, I saw him in their room and he sounded different, like we do when our night happens. I asked if Papa changed like us and that's when she said he did, and told us that Papa didn't like it and didn't want us to know or talk about it."

"Do you all you pups know now?"

"Not the boys yet, but we have no secrets between us normally; Papa says we have to look after each other 'cos even if everyone else leaves us then we have each other. He says that's the most important thing ever to remember, look after, love and be there for each other and we will never be alone."

"It would be important to your Papa, very important; do you know about your Papa's life Izamai?"

"A little bit; Papa has had nightmares many times, sometimes Mama didn't hear him when she got older but we girls did, Kaede would wake him up and Kizume and me would make him a drink like Mama did when he was sad. I know he doesn't think we are old enough to understand but…"

"I understand Pup, I remember how much my Rin seemed to understand when she was a child; but your Papa only wishes to protect you from knowing the ways of the world too soon and giving you a childhood such as he was denied."

"I know…I'm glad you are looking after Papa now Grandpapa; Mama was very worried about who would take care of him after she died. She said he needed someone to love him, because he wasn't good at loving himself."

"Kagome told you that?" Sesshoumaru was a bit concerned about just how much these pups knew or understood; they were still far too young to be bothered with all the adult's issues. But Izamai shook her head sadly;

"Sometimes Mama was sad and she would cry, so would Papa when she was ill; they forgot how good we can hear and anyway Mama didn't hear well herself later…she said lots of things to Papa about what he was going to do when she was gone. I didn't mean to listen Grandpapa, but sometimes they were so upset…" Izamai started to cry and Sesshoumaru picked her up and took her into the gardens to distract her.

It worked, but soon the Lady came out to find them; the other pups were going for their baths and Inuyasha was still in his room presumably asleep. The heavy hint in her words was not lost on her son, who in any case had been going to check up on _his_ son as soon as Izamai was taken care of; Sesshoumaru knew that Inuyasha would not be sleeping while he was human unless he was ill or with his father.

He went and knocked on Inuyasha's door and didn't wait for an answer to walk in but he walked straight to the bed and picked the boy up and plonked him in his lap. Inuyasha didn't resist but he didn't snuggle either; he just stayed put until Sesshoumaru stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry Pup; I didn't mean to seem as if I was taking over…"

"I didn't _want_ them to know that their father is weak sometimes and can't protect them; they shouldn't have any worries, they are little pups, they should always feel safe and free."

"Inuyasha, silly pup; they know you turn human once a month already and they aren't afraid. They have wonderful childhoods; they are happy and contented, anyone can see that and there is nothing to hurt them under the protection they have here."

"Except me; I could hurt them, that's what you said, I could kill them."

"Stop being so very melodramatic my Pup; I know you are angry with me but sometimes you will have to do the right thing without liking it, you are a father you know this to be true. You are not going to harm your pups and you know why I said that, so no more sulking."

"Wait, you said my pups knew I become human; who told you that?"

"Izamai; the children know quite a bit Inuyasha, it was impossible for you and Kagome to keep many secrets with five growing pups. I know why you wished to shelter them, but it is for the best that they know; sometimes the knowledge doesn't cause as much fear as the not knowing."

"I know, but I didn't want them ever to be afraid… I _hated_ being afraid all the time; I didn't want it for them."

"Your pups love and care about you very much Inuyasha; the only time they will be afraid is if they feel you don't trust them, the girls are all very sensible and old enough for some of your confidences."

"Feh!" Inuyasha hated his human times they made him weak and emotional and he pushed away from Sesshoumaru. The day had been stressful enough with the new changes to his Kotodama necklace, and now to find that his pups already knew about his human side made him feel a failure, and he dashed off the rebellious drops that fell from his eyes in impatience.

Sesshoumaru decided to ignore the slight misery this time recognising the self pity that was causing it and told Inuyasha to get ready for dinner so they could thank Totousai together and after dinner they had other things to discuss.

TBC


	12. Learning

Learning

Dinner had been a bit late that day, not that Totousai had noticed, he had been offered plenty of hors d'oeuvres while they awaited the Lord and his son. Inuyasha had insisted on bathing well and changing, so that no hint of saline could be detected by his hanyou pups or any other youkai. He would not appear with the evidence of a weak human's emotions surrounding him especially near his children, and he made sure that Sesshoumaru couldn't scent anything before he agreed to go to dinner.

They were immediately surrounded by the pups as soon as they appeared; all of them fascinated at seeing their father as a human clearly. For the boys this was a real eye-opener and for several minutes Inuyasha was inspected thoroughly, and great debates were started on which of them he most looked like. Eventually they all appealed to Sesshoumaru, who said that Inuyasha looked very like his mother and that when _they _turned mortal,the human pups all looked like their Papa.

After dinner however one of the twins grinned almost evilly and whispered to his brother then both took off in opposite directions when Inuyasha told them it was bedtime. They could be heard laughing and calling that Inuyasha couldn't catch them now he was human. Inuyasha looked to his father who merely shrugged and said;

"They are your pups Inuyasha; I believe you made that quite clear." He didn't bother to hide the smirk on his face. The smirk turned into a positive smile when the little girls also looked at each other and took off as well. For the next hour and a half Inuyasha played hide and seek with his children and although they did not realise it, he used the time to let them learn. They learned his more human scent and could pick out where he was, as he hunted them.

Squeals and shrieks rang out around the Palace as eventually Inuyasha caught his pups one by one; they may have had speed but he still had a lot of stamina, even for a human and far more experience than they did. Making sure that each understood that it was definitely their bedtimes and that they were to stay put, or else there'd be trouble; Inuyasha gave them all a final cuddle and for the first time knew that if they were to get out of hand all together, they would be far stronger than he, while he was human.

But as if they sensed that for themselves; the pups restrained their strength as they all had their final bedtime romp with him before they snuggled down. All were still young enough to sleep together in a pile, where they were safe and warm on the huge futon that covered the floor. Inuyasha waited with them, sitting quietly as his pups drifted off until only Kaede was left awake, her eyes glowing softly with the light from the single candle left.

"Go to sleep my little Kaede."

"Papa?" She whispered and crawled over into his arms.

"Yes, precious."

"I love you; I miss Mama, but we are here and we are never alone all together, remember? We all love you, lots and lots." Kaede didn't mind when she heard no verbal answer; she could tell in the tightened grip and the sudden scent of salt and his nose in her hair, that Papa loved them all too and she had the temerity to chuckle at him.

"I hate being human, stupid uncontrolled feelings." Inuyasha mumbled.

"I know Papa; I know." Kaede hugged him hard, understanding his emotion and realising that her Papa had trusted her for the first time with his feelings. Then Inuyasha chuckled too, kissed her and put her back into the bed. "Go to sleep whelp, and I'll see you in the morning." He got up and turned to see Sesshoumaru in the doorway, his father was holding out his arms to him and Inuyasha went to him. This was still a new situation for them, but it was already feeling less awkward and Inuyasha had to admit that he was grateful for it.

The dreadful cold ache that entwined around his heart ever since Kagome's death only abated when he was with his pups or now if his father held him. Inuyasha needed the proof that he was loved shown to him, it was not something he automatically believed and he craved touch; further proof that he was not obnoxious to everyone. The long ingrained doctrines that he was filthy, unworthy and beneath contempt still had the ability to swamp and overpower him in the dark corners of his mind.

But these times were getting further and further apart; the more he had been shown love by Kagome and the others and now he was a son with a loving father he could believe in, they had almost but not quite gone completely. He relaxed into Sesshoumaru's embrace; instinctively listening to his father's heartbeat which was always reassuring and although he was not a tiny whelp, he still enjoyed the pacifying rumble that emanated from deep within the Daiyoukai.

Sesshoumaru too knew how important it was that Inuyasha not feel cut off from physical touch now that his mate had died and he was glad that the boy had accepted him so quickly and was not shy of showing his affection. It would help to form the strong pack he wanted, with Inuyasha so young still that he was willing to please and be trained by his father. With that in mind, he asked Inuyasha to follow him to his study where he wanted to discuss his plans; then when they were comfortable, Sesshoumaru asked gently,

"Do you have any reading or writing skills Inuyasha?"

"I can read my name and Kagome's and the pups', I learned them from Kagome."

"Your mother was a Princess, did she teach you nothing? That surprises me, she was always so very proud of you." His voice was concerned and not condemnatory.

"She was not allowed to teach me anything; I was not allowed story books or anything to write or draw. Mama only had paper to write letters if she asked and then she had someone watch her."

"Not allowed; why, surely you weren't denied the freedom to draw and colour such as all children enjoy?"

"Mama started to teach me my letters but they stopped her, she was put in a dark room with only bread and water; they said an animal shouldn't be taught anything in case it got ideas above its station. I didn't understand at first and I even asked what animal; Mama told me they were afraid that if I learned to read I might become dangerous.

She wasn't allowed to read me stories and I wasn't given books, although she did tell me them; once she started to write figures in the soil of our garden for me to copy, but when they beat me severely for it she stopped altogether. It made me too nervous to learn in any case, I wouldn't pick up a stick and draw in the sand for fear someone might see me; even for Kagome, my hand shook. "

This was a lot for Inuyasha to admit to Sesshoumaru; that he had a fear of any sort let alone one he felt was ridiculous. He was no longer the tiny pup who had little strength against humans and yet the impression had lasted until now and Inuyasha was scornful of himself. He felt Sesshoumaru's anger and thought it was directed at him because of his absurd phobia; but his father was not angry with his son.

He knew that it was only too easy to terrify a child and leave a lasting impression, he had done it often enough with Inuyasha; no, Sesshoumaru's anger was directed at all those who had added to his child's burdens by harming him and his mother, including himself. It took a while to reassure Inuyasha that he was not at fault however and that Sesshoumaru would teach him how to read and write starting the next day.

Inuyasha couldn't believe it, he would have the opportunity to learn to read; he knew the importance of reading, the whole world of knowledge would be opened to him and he would no longer feel so ignorant. He had always felt a sense of shame and masses of inferiority when he had come to understand how little he knew in comparison to everyone else, especially since his pups could all read. It wasn't as if Kagome hadn't tried, but she was so busy with pups and he with hunting and providing, there hadn't been any time; mundane housework took so much longer in the past than in the future.

The following morning the Lady bade them all farewell for a time, as she too had responsibilities of her own; but she promised that she would be no stranger, saying that the two boys and all the pups needed a female around the place every so often to keep tabs on things. Then in the afternoon, while his pups were at play under the watchful eyes of a nursemaid and guard, Inuyasha was seated at a small desk in Sesshoumaru's office.

In front of him was paper, ink and brush and an image of his name written by Sesshoumaru, ready to be copied. Inuyasha picked up the brush but was unable to stop the tremor in his hand; apart from the residual trauma from his childhood, he was not used to having something so fine in his fingers that were more used to gripping the hilt of Tessaiga.

Suddenly his hand was covered by that of Sesshoumaru who guided his hand to dip into the ink and helped him make his first marks on the paper. There was a subdued joy in Inuyasha's heart when an hour later he had copied unaided his name and the names of his mate and pups; his quiet pride in the achievement was not lost on his father who found the poignancy of the occasion cause him to offer silent apologies to Izayoi.

Nothing however was more satisfying to the father than to see the uninhibited smile of his son when his task was completed, and the paper with these first offerings was carefully placed in a folder kept in Sesshoumaru's desk. Every day after Inuyasha was to be found at his lessons, learning to read and write; his progress was steady but not rapid and reading was easier as he found it very difficult to make neat marks with the brush on his paper.

But he persevered and Sesshoumaru was a very patient teacher who found to his amazement that he really enjoyed this special time with Inuyasha; he felt that he had the chance of something that could have so easily have been lost to him. Had Inuyasha had a more conventional childhood, Sesshoumaru wouldn't have been part of this experience.

For Inuyasha's pups however curiosity over what Papa and Grandpapa were doing instead of playing with them was growing, and they wouldn't stop asking annoying questions. Eventually Sesshoumaru answered them.

"Your Papa needs to learn things that will help him to rule his land in the future."

"Papa's got land; why don't we live there then?"

"Your Papa is still too young to take charge of it yet; he is not yet fully mature." The pups looked at each other; this was a new thought for them. Papa was not completely grown, he was a pup like them; the boys' eyes gleamed with mischief as they looked at Inuyasha. He however had seen the expression too often on their faces and previously on Shippou's not to know the danger signals; so he nipped that in the bud.

"I may not be as grown up as your Grandpapa, but I am your Papa, so mind your manners boys; I still have the say in how you behave and you answer to me if you are bad."

"You too Papa, you must behave and no more naughty words like Mama hated or Grandpapa will tan your hide." The cheeky pups ran off after seeing their father's face turn pink and their Grandfather's smirk.

"They make me realise how much I missed of your growing up Inuyasha; your pups are a mixed blessing sometimes." Sesshoumaru truly felt this until he became aware of the silence from his son. "You too missed out on all of this Pup; you do very well with your little ones considering you never had anyone from whom to learn."

"I had Mama for a while, she would never tolerate bad behaviour from me, nor would anyone else; they all disciplined me, but I was a good pup in the main. In comparison to me my pups are spoiled I know; but I couldn't ever treat them like I was, even if they are a bit too boisterous."

"Your pups are fine children Inuyasha; their tutors are pleased with them and they are well liked around the Palace."

"Keh!" Inuyasha knew the pups were alright and over the following month everything settled down into some routine until the twins caused more trouble with their thoughtless actions. Souta and Shinmaru were still curious about their father's lessons and spent a lot of time spying out around their Grandfather's study.

Their stealth and patience paid off when one day, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru had gone down to the library to study some of the old manuscripts leaving the study empty. The twins briefly glanced at each other before rushing in and taking quick looks around; they struck gold with some screwed up paper in the waste bin that was covered in black ink. Grinning at each other they scurried off and ran to find out what treasure they had unearthed, in a far corner of the garden.

At first they weren't sure what they were looking at, the letters and numbers that covered the paper were childish scrawls in comparison to the elegant hand writing of their Grandfather; and even they could write neater, without nearly so many ink splotches. There was no one younger than they who would be practicing writing skills in the Palace; the answer hit them both at the same time, the one who was learning to write was their own father.

This was too good to keep to themselves and they rushed off to find their sisters and show them how babyish their father's writing was. The girls too were shocked to see the evidence in front of them and yet they couldn't see how it could be anyone else's practice paper.

"I have never seen Papa write anything that I remember." Kaede said, followed by Kizume;

"He never read us stories like Mama did, even when we asked him to."

"He always tells us how important it is to do our lessons but he never even learned to read. How can he tell us what to do when he didn't?" Souta was most disgruntled and put out; he the most out of both boys hated the regimentation of lessons. The girls were not quite so quick to judge, Izamai thought hard;

"There must be a reason that Grandpapa is teaching him… we shouldn't say anything about finding this. It's not our business." The eldest pup was a mature little girl and she knew that her father didn't want people knowing that he was illiterate and only just learning, so she sternly reiterated her concern and got them all to agree.

Sesshoumaru could scent that the pups had been in his study, but couldn't see that anything was any different so put it down to the fact they may have been looking for him or their father. He and Inuyasha had had a pleasant time in the library and Sesshoumaru had prepared a shelf with scrolls that would be easy for the first time reader; as Inuyasha progressed the whole library would be opened to him.

At least once he could decipher the words, he would be able to read anything; unlike a small child learning, Inuyasha would be able to comprehend any of the books. A small private alcove with a curtain to keep that privacy was set with a desk purely for the time when Inuyasha wished to work and further his education. That time was a little way off yet but it was good to be prepared and Inuyasha had something to aim for that was encouraging for him.

Dinner that evening was strange, Inuyasha could tell the pups were hiding something as they kept glancing at him then looking away. He began to think that he had something on his face or clothes and if anything they were making him nervous. Sesshoumaru didn't know what to think either, it was unusual for all the pups at once to act strangely; he couldn't determine that anything had happened though there was nothing very strange in their scents, except for a slight apprehension.

However the conversation wasn't lacking; Inuyasha was always interested in the pup's activities and had promised to take them tracking in the forest the next day. All of them enjoyed this when it happened, the pups could all track well and the freedom to leap through the tree canopy and almost fly, just like their Papa could do was a real treat.

The end of the day would be a feast, consisting of the animal that they had all helped to hunt and then there would be bedtime sleeping under the stars, while they pretended to be on the hunt for shards, just like Mama and Papa and their friends. Usually Mama and Papa would tell stories of their trip so this would be the first hunt in a long time and the first with their Grandpapa and without their Mama.

Early to bed for all was a given if they were to start their trip fresh and ready, so there was no long story time just a whispered _'go to sleep'_ from their Papa. But Shinmaru was feeling mischievous;

"Read us a story Papa; just a little one." Inuyasha looked shocked; he had never been asked this before so he said;

"I don't read you stories Pup; that was your Mama's special time, anyway it's time to sleep."

"But I'm not tired yet Papa, please read to us, please." The little wretch was grinning from ear to ear and he waved the stolen paper under Inuyasha's nose. "You can't read can you Papa? Ha, Ha, Ha; you write worse than a baby too, you were naughty Papa and skipped your lessons when you were a pup didn't you? We can read and write better'n this."

TBC


	13. Lessons for Pups

Lessons for Pups

Inuyasha swallowed the sudden lump that formed in his throat at the nasty way his son had tricked him; he reminded himself that Shippou had often done similar things and although it was cruel, the pup probably hadn't meant to hurt him as badly as he had. Inuyasha managed to keep his voice steady however as he answered his son truthfully.

"You are right Shinmaru; I can't read or write as well as you all can, your Grandpapa is teaching me now. Perhaps Izamai will read to you tonight if you aren't sleepy and I'll see you all in the morning." Inuyasha turned to leave them but bumped into Sesshoumaru at the door. His father's face was as impassive as it had been of old as he walked in and looked down on the pups.

"Explain where you got the paper Shinmaru." Silence greeted his words; Sesshoumaru knew that none of the pups would lie outright, but they were obviously not going to be forthcoming. "Very well, I shall tell you; you retrieved it from a waste paper basket in my study. You did not have permission to do so, let alone be in my room so please explain why you did this."

Suddenly there was no good reason for their exploit; neither of the twins felt very proud of themselves for the exposure of their father's illiteracy, especially in the way that Shinmaru had done it. It was as if he was scoring points over their Papa and trying to hurt him. Sesshoumaru could tell the pups were not going to tell him anything further, perhaps they didn't know how too and so he carried on and took it out of their hands.

"Izamai, come to me." Sesshoumaru ordered, pleased when she did so without question; although he could hear a soft, but worried whimper coming from Inuyasha. He ignored his son though for now, understanding the hanyou's concern for his pup; Inuyasha had been very familiar with his Papa's ways when he thought him his brother, and had spent some time in his care.

"Izamai, did you know of this paper?"

"Yes Grandpapa, we all did."

"What did you do about it Pup?"

"I said it was none of our business and that Papa didn't want us to know, so we shouldn't say anything."

"What else should you have done though Izamai?" This time the answer was longer in coming as the little girl battled with knowing what she should have done and her sense of loyalty to her brothers.

"I should have taken it off them and told Papa or you… but I wasn't going to snitch."

"You should also have encouraged them to own up, but you didn't do that either; you are the eldest Izamai and should have set a better example." With that, Sesshoumaru pulled her slightly bent against his knee and spanked her with four firm swats; but he remained holding her closely to him and looked with piercing eyes at the boys who were obviously unhappy that their sister had been punished and were growling.

Once the girl was calmer and her tears ceased, Sesshoumaru put her back on the futon into her sisters' care, then he called both boys to him. Once again, he was pleased to note that both small pups came even though they must know that they were in trouble.

"Do you know why I am going to punish you and not allow your father to deal with you boys?" The twins both shook their heads negatively. This message was for Inuyasha too, he was getting distressed that Sesshoumaru was taking it upon himself to chastise _his_ children.

"It is not because you tried to humiliate my son, however much I deplore your actions; that is a matter for him alone and it seems that he is prepared to ignore it, whereas I feel that you acted completely beneath yourselves, all of you. You, boys have showed a serious want of consideration for your father that shows up a nastiness of character."

The twin's faces flamed with the censure; neither had realised how someone else would see their prank, and Souta's eyes filled with remorseful tears, he loved his father and hadn't really meant to hurt him. Neither had the more rebellious boy Shinmaru, who only had meant to get one up on Inuyasha but not upset him. Sesshoumaru was pleased that the youngsters were obviously sorry for their misdeed but he still had to be firm with them.

"Shinmaru and Souta, in your attempt to find out what Inuyasha was learning, you violated my study and stole something that did not belong to you. Not only is the study your grandfather's private room, it is the private domain of the Western Lord who is your Alpha. You both entered without permission and thoroughly searched amongst things that were not yours, then took something that you were not entitled to have. You left your scents all over the place; had you been adults spying out my room, you would have been interrogated in the dungeons."

It was clear that the boys had no idea of the seriousness of their misdemeanour and of course Sesshoumaru was completely aware that they had not seen it as stealing from their Alpha Lord; but he wanted them to learn that his study was not to be rifled through again. They both apologised and assured Sesshoumaru that it wouldn't happen again and their Grandpapa was going to make sure that it didn't.

"You will follow me boys; your father will wait here with your sisters until we come back." Sesshoumaru didn't ask, he informed; and Inuyasha heard the clear order and knew that he too had to obey his father and Alpha in the same way as his pups, even if he didn't like the fact. Sesshoumaru led the boys back to his study and made them lean on his desk while he switched them on the backs of their thighs with a willow wand.

Inuyasha and the girls could hear their yells and became anxious; but as he couldn't smell any blood, he didn't feel he could rush to their rescue. Before long, the boys were back and standing against the wall rubbing the tops of their legs and wailing. Close inspection from Inuyasha showed that the boys had only been whipped enough to sting; and the reddened marks on the tenderest areas would fade in no time. His eyes met Sesshoumaru's and he saw his father's smirk which was the most he would allow as he watched his subdued grandchildren.

But now Inuyasha was quiet as he too kept a watch on his pups; the boys were calming as they lay face down on the futon and feeling sorry for themselves. Izamai went over to her father and begged to be picked up, longing to feel his arms comfort her. Inuyasha obliged and held her close as his daughter whispered her apologies to him; but he was angry now, not with his father, but with his pups. He had had time to digest Sesshoumaru's words and could see the serious trouble that could have arisen and he had to speak.

"I am so ashamed of you all, especially you boys. You should have asked me what I was learning, I would have told you, but you went and snooped around in places you had no right to be in and stole from there. I thought I had taught you better than that; for the first time I'm glad your mother isn't here, she too would have been mortified."

Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha and went over to him putting his arm round the boy's shoulders, seeing that the hanyou was shaken and had sounded rather harsh. The pups however were all in tears at their father's words; they had heard the disappointment in his voice and that even more than Sesshoumaru's discipline had made them fully realise the error of what they had done. Shinmaru suddenly launched himself at Sesshoumaru grabbing his legs and crying;

"I'm sorry, sorry; I didn't know it was stealing, it was in the rubbish, I wouldn't have stolen it." The pup was making a soggy mess of his grandfather's hakama by now but Sesshoumaru stroked his head.

"You were not thinking at all Shinmaru, neither were you Souta; you would have taken the paper no matter where it was, because you were looking all over the office for something. No matter that you found it in the waste; it was not yours, fullstop. But enough now, you have all learned your lesson and the matter is now closed; you need to sleep if we are to be off early tomorrow and that now includes your Papa."

Sesshoumaru now steered Inuyasha out of the pup's room and into Inuyasha's own where the pair sat on the bed. The hanyou was giving off an air of defeat that displeased Sesshoumaru who was well aware of the fact that his son was still feeling hurt at his pup's cruelty and the perceived failure of his own to bring them up properly.

"You are surely reading too much into the events of this evening my son; do not fret so, your pups are good children, they just got carried away and needed correction as all pups do from time to time."

"Feh!" Was the short answer and Sesshoumaru left him to prepare for the next day; the Daiyoukai had some ideas to put into action for the planned excursion. He was also the first awake in the morning putting his affairs in order for a week; he planned on taking the pups on a journey of discovery instead of the original short hunt.

At breakfast, which was one suitable for slow burning but lasting energy; the pups were back to normal after seeing their Grandfather wasn't still angry with them. Inuyasha was tucking in with gusto and everything appeared well, but Sesshoumaru could tell that Inuyasha was feeling inadequate; it never took a lot to bring up the lack of self worth that his son still suffered occasionally. The laughter of his pup the previous night had knocked Inuyasha's confidence and his eyes wouldn't rise from his plate for long.

It was time for this to end as far as Sesshoumaru was concerned and he hoped his plans would work although he knew he would have to once again pull rank and seniority on his pup for them to do so. Soon it was time and they set off with the pups' excited chatter surrounding them. Inuyasha knew that Sesshoumaru was planning something and he wasn't sure he was going to like it, but knew he could do nothing; all the same he was on alert, but nothing so far was spoiling the easy walk to their hunting grounds.

The morning and early afternoon passed as they travelled, the pups using up their energy running too and fro playing games with each other and when they were called to halt they realised how hungry they were. Inuyasha had a fire going already and called the pups to go and wash in the stream knowing that they would end up playing for a few hours as well as getting clean. This didn't matter as it would take that amount of time to cook the meat Sesshoumaru had caught.

When everyone was sated and the meal digested, the pups had started to play again but less vigorously than before they'd eaten, the early evening was warm and pleasant and soon the pups were getting drowsy and ready to settle down for their customary story and then bed. They all came and cuddled up to their Father and Grandfather and Sesshoumaru looked at them all before saying;

"This week we are going to go on a survival exercise as well as a hunting trip and I want you to all try and remember what you were like when you were ten years old. You should remember because you all had a special celebration on that day; I know both your Papa and I can remember you all." Ten was easy for them to remember because it was the age that their growth slowed down and their human friends would start to grow older while the pups stayed young.

There were lots of comments about being ten, ranging from stop sucking their thumbs to going to sleep without a nightlight; or being able to see the fire light from the main room and letting their doors close. There were lots of giggles when one of the twins said he was ten when he went to the latrine for the first time on his own at night; when he was big enough to carry the lantern by himself down the path in the garden.

After a while all the little anecdotes had been discussed and Sesshoumaru was convinced that the pups could all picture themselves as ten year olds again, as they laughed at how young they had been and acted. Meanwhile Inuyasha had also remembered being ten years old and had got a vague inkling of what Sesshoumaru was planning for his pups and his eyes darkened in deep concern. Ten was just a number in youkai years; and as their development slowed right down, his pups were still not much more than ten now, all were pre adolescent youkai.

Sesshoumaru was very aware of Inuyasha of course; in fact he would rather the boy was not here on this excursion, but that would have been impossible to arrange. He did however rumble in Inu youkai at him to trust in his alpha father. Then turning his attention back to the pups he said;

"I will tell you a story about a very young hanyou in the days before your father and his friends made it much safer to be a hanyou." The pups all settled down to listen. "The little hanyou lived with his mother and she loved him dearly but she was the only one, everyone else was afraid of him because he was not human. He was treated by the rest as if he was an animal and if he did anything that proved otherwise, he was beaten and far harder than you have ever been.

"Then one day the little hanyou was thrown out into the wild on his own, his mother had died and no one wanted him around; he now had no home or Mama, and had to learn to live by himself when he was only eight, until his brother found him. His brother looked after him for a while but he too was often cruel to the small boy and eventually after a couple of years, the hanyou left his brother to live again on his own."

"Did he survive Grandpapa; where was his Papa?"

"He did survive even though his Papa didn't want anything to do with him, and you are going to learn how he did so; this week you are going to pretend to be the small hanyou boy surviving out in the open. But unlike him you will not be alone." Murmurs met this declaration, there was excitement and trepidation; but overall the pups wanted to know what to do. Sesshoumaru led the way to the forest where during the night his servants had dug little trenches beneath some trees, lining them with dried leaves.

"Now, the little hanyou often slept in a scrape such as these, you are to find things around that will make it more comfortable to sleep in; it is not cold at night yet but there will be no fire. You may not help each other, now choose which tree you want and go to find your bedding." The pups rushed off and soon had armfuls of dried leaves of which there was an abundance, in the litter of the forest floor. Izamai had even found a branch that still had leaves attached and she planned on using it as a form of roof for her bed amongst the roots.

Soon they were all settled down and the chatter ceased as night crept over the forest. True to his word Sesshoumaru hadn't lit a new fire and so the night was dark except for the stars and moon. Later the small sounds of the nocturnal animals could be heard and the rustling of the leaves surrounding the pups who were all getting more nervous as the night darkened.

Sesshoumaru had his hands full with Inuyasha who was unhappy at this situation, he had always protected his pups from knowing any harshness; but his father thought they should be exposed to some of the reality that had been Inuyasha's life. All Inuyasha could hear were the noises indicating his pups were getting cold and he nearly leapt up when Souta called for him, wanting to bring the boy to him.

Sesshoumaru forbid Inuyasha to go to the pup; but he did say loud enough to be heard;

"No one is coming to you Souta; no one came to help the little hanyou when he cried for his mother." Sesshoumaru was firm, but he kept an arm round Inuyasha and spoke once more in Inu growls to reach the hanyou's inner youkai to stop it worrying so much.

"Leave pups, not hungry well fed, not cold night, no danger. Pups need to learn and respect father. No argument for Alpha." He felt Inuyasha relax next to him and together they kept silent watch throughout the night and eventually the pups slept, albeit restlessly and they would be stiff and sore in the morning.

At dawn the pups were stirring and they got up to relieve themselves, after rubbing their stiff joints and trying to get warm. There was no sign of either adult and the pups were a bit alarmed, they had never been alone in this way before. During the day they had to find food for themselves, foraging for fruit and nuts in the hedgerows and the girls tried to catch fish in the stream that ran nearby. As the day progressed, tempers started to fray and they were huddled together for warmth by the evening.

As darkness once again loomed, they knew that they would be spending another night in the scrapes without having seen their Papa at all; they were still hungry and beginning to look dishevelled, one or two began to cry. The second night was far longer being as they were hungry to start with; and one of the boys wet himself as he was too scared to get out and find somewhere more suitable.

Inuyasha was beside himself as he could hear that all of them had started to cry during the night and his heart was breaking for his little ones. Sesshoumaru however was not moved, he felt that the experiment was working and although the pups were not very happy for now, they were perfectly safe and it was not long until the morning when he would start to conduct stage two.

TBC


	14. Alone

Alone

In the morning they awoke to the smell of a fire with food cooking; there was still no sign of either Inuyasha or Sesshoumaru but with the food nearly ready, the dark night faded quickly into a happier day. While the food cooked, Izamai made the others go to the river to wash with special instructions to Souta who had wet himself in the night.

While she watched the food and the fire she didn't notice that she was being crept up on by a large animal until it knocked her over and bared it's fangs in her face. Izamai froze absolutely terrified; she had never come across something so hideous or frightening, it even looked as if it were smiling before it kicked out the fire and ran off with the meat.

The others came quickly when they heard their sister scream and stood silently watching her as she cried, frustrated at her inability to protect the food. There was nothing for it but to go and start everything again; one pup tried to rescue the fire while the others fished or looked for berries and fruit.

Later that morning, the children were getting sluggish and tearful again; they were hungry and had eaten everything that was around in the area, the dry leaf litter was mainly gone, the rest being damp and mouldy and Souta had needed a whole new lot for his bed. The pups were also getting cold due to the fact that they were hungry, but in the afternoon after they had gathered as much dry matter as they could, the animal returned.

This time there was no cooked food for it and it turned to the pups once again with that sickly grin on its face. All the pups grouped together and Izamai put them all behind her as she stood with a branch in her hands, the only defence she could muster. Hissing at her siblings to stop whining, she held her stance bravely as the creature closed in.

Izamai was trembling but courageous, then with another flash of its teeth at her, the animal ignored the pitiful pups and ripped up all their belongings that had been piled into a spare scrape; then it came once more towards the pups and growled. It was all too much and the pups scattered in all directions calling for their Papa while the animal curled up in the clearing and went to sleep; preventing the pups from returning to the area.

Izamai lifted her head and called a long howl to summon the rest of the pups to her; Inuyasha had taught them to answer if anyone made the call and then to stay together. Soon she had Kaede and Shinmaru with her, but no sign of the other two. They had run a long way from their original camp, further into the forest and they were now tired and cold as well as very hungry. Telling the pair to stay put, Izamai went off to look for her missing siblings, making the call every so often and listening for a reply or for the strange animal.

After searching for a couple of hours, she found them both in different directions and herded them back to the others. She reassured them that they were all together and that Papa hadn't abandoned them, but Grandpapa wanted them to learn what it was like for the Little Hanyou who was on his own. Remembering this helped them to calm down and between them they had just about enough energy to climb into a large tree and try to get comfortable in the canopy to sleep for the night. It was still early but they all needed to rest; Kizume offered to tell them a story as Izamai was nearly asleep, but the pups still ended up crying themselves to sleep again.

Sesshoumaru meanwhile had his hands full with Inuyasha who was objecting to the treatment of his pups; several times his son had been near to transformation in his efforts to throw Sesshoumaru off, but his father showed his true strength, as even in his more human form he was well able to contain the hanyou.

"You must allow this Pup; the children are in no danger."

"They don't know that; they are scared and miserable, they need me…"

"They need to train, I was in training far younger than they; you know as well as I that even though there is peace now, all that can change. They must hone their senses and learn to think on their feet; suppose that at sometime they are left alone, as you have already taught them they must rely on each other. This has put them in a real situation to do just that and they are coming through very well.

"It will not harm them to go through this exercise, and it should teach them a little more respect for you, which will also be no bad thing. You have protected them from so much from the sometimes harsher reality that they take many things for granted, including you. Your pups have very strong youkai and need to know their pack positions too or they will all start to fight to find it."

But despite understanding what Sesshoumaru was trying to achieve, Inuyasha nearly lost it again when the animal frightened the youngsters; he was drawing Tessaiga and actually turned his face with his fangs bared and bit Sesshoumaru on the hand when the Daiyoukai physically stopped him. Sesshoumaru knew it was instinct but he still backhanded Inuyasha; his own eyes glowing red and he then picked up the boy by his shirt front growling;

"You know the animal is one of my Kitsune guards transformed and therefore will not harm your pups Inuyasha, control yourself." Sesshoumaru sighed as he looked on the contrite Inuyasha; his pup was so young still and acted before he thought a lot of the time, he too had not had the proper training he should have done.

Inuyasha behaved after that, too well; even when the kitsune trashed the camp and scattered the pups his face was impassive and he went off to sit by himself to watch over his children at a distance so that they couldn't scent him. He was very proud of the way his eldest daughter took charge and was protective and responsible for the younger ones; the way the almost defenceless little girl stood strong against the danger she saw reminded him so much of Kagome and how often she had defended him against the odds.

But when they were all in the tree and he could hear their tummies rumble from hunger and scent their tears as they cried for him once again; they were afraid and lonely and it was all he could do to stop going to them. He dragged his red sleeve across his eyes but he couldn't stop his own grief for his small ones being obvious, the tears kept coming even when he felt Sesshoumaru's arm come around his shoulders.

Sesshoumaru was not being cruel; he knew that the pups were safe, just unused to not being looked after and if they had been his own children he would have left them for the whole week without parental contact, although he would have made sure they would find food and shelter. But he also knew that Inuyasha couldn't take much more; this time had brought back memories that were full of pain for him too and he was nearly at his limit.

"How can you bear to hear them cry and not go to them Father…how can you leave a pup to cry?" Inuyasha's hidden question was heard by Sesshoumaru and he pulled his son to him.

"They will stop soon Inuyasha, just as you did and then they will get stronger and more resilient but you are right; I was a failure as a father and a son, you put me to shame. We will go to them in the morning and take them home."

"You did not fail Papa, you learned and are making it right; we all make mistakes, it's if we don't correct them when we can that we fail. The pups must learn to survive too, we won't take them home just yet, but I must see them."

"Very well Pup, now dry your eyes so that I know you are alright." Inuyasha did as he was told, but he welcomed the fact that Sesshoumaru stayed holding him the entire night until they could both go to the pups in the morning.

Once again the pups woke to the smell of breakfast cooking but this time both their father and grandfather were sitting there too and the pups ran to Inuyasha to cling to him with all their might. They were crying and laughing at the same time and Inuyasha recognised the release of nervous tension in their behaviour.

Sesshoumaru was amazed at the difference in his own pup; gone was the unhappy and tearful youth of the last couple of days and in his place was the strong father, comforting and cajoling his offspring whilst at the same time praising and listening to them all. Yet he could now see how much Inuyasha could adapt to his situation or what he wanted to project and Sesshoumaru realised with belated horror that he had always done the same whenever they had met as adversaries in the past.

His son was adept at concealing his pain or hurt; usually Sesshoumaru thought he could read the boy like a book but now he wasn't so sure, although perhaps it was just that he was a good father who was a pillar of safety for his own pups. Watching him with his children, Sesshoumaru was very proud of him and of who he had become in spite of all his trials and he was even more determined that Inuyasha's pups should come to appreciate their remarkable father.

As everyone settled down happily to eat breakfast Sesshoumaru made certain that he was the one that distributed the food. He had noticed some glances that showed the pups were a bit wary of him and he didn't want them to think that the trials they'd been through were some form of punishment; it was training and also to show them more about their father and what made him as he was. It didn't take long before the pups were acting normally near him again and asking Sesshoumaru to tell them more about the Little Hanyou.

Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru in alarm, he really didn't want his pups knowing all his history with Sesshoumaru yet; he didn't want them to fear or distrust his father and they were too young to deal with some of the atrocities in general that Inuyasha had lived through. Sesshoumaru saw and understood Inuyasha's concern and smiled gently in a reassuring response.

The pups were full of questions; was the Little Hanyou true, was he still alive, how had he survived if he was so young, was he always alone? The answers and some of the stories that went with them took quite a long time to tell, but Sesshoumaru didn't dwell on the Little Hanyou's problems; rather he focused on the pup's bravery and courage as he battled to survive, unknowingly overlooked and barely protected by his brother from a distance.

"Your father wishes for your training to finish now and for us all to go home little ones; this we can do and venture out another time if you would prefer… perhaps when you are older." The answer was so predictable as far as Sesshoumaru was concerned and Inuyasha's annoyed glance showed that his father's twist of speech hadn't gone unnoticed by him either.

The pups couldn't wait to assure both adults that they were perfectly able to undergo any training; if someone younger than they had survived out in the wilderness, then they certainly could do so. Sesshoumaru nodded and they could see the pleasure in his glance that they had chosen to carry on; it gave them courage to see that he was proud of them.

"Very well; I shall take you somewhere special to the Little Hanyou, you had best wash before we go and wear your clothes as you now have no others. On our way we shall hunt so keep close attention."

Sesshoumaru was a very patient teacher and for the rest of the day, the pups had fun but learned many of the ways of the life that lived in the wild. Inuyasha was astonished at how much the children had bounced back after their frights of the last couple of days, just because they had been rescued. He had never had that feeling; people near him meant pain not rescue, and for years he had lived under a cloud of despair and growing anger, always bitter at the fact he had no place in anyone's world.

All he had known was fear if he was discovered and he knew a fleeting jealousy of his pups again as they were taught and cared for in a way that he never had been. Being out here, watching his pups and hearing his own story retold, had brought many of his repressed memories to the surface and at one point he had to run and get away, leaving the pups in Sesshoumaru's care.

Inuyasha didn't return until later that evening when Sesshoumaru had led the young ones out of the forest and towards the mountains. The elder didn't make a fuss of the younger's reappearance, he had felt the turmoil and scented the salt that had permeated the air before the hanyou had fled, but he knew that his son would not leave his pups for long. However he did 'woof' in an undertone, making Inuyasha look at him in surprise; Sesshoumaru had noticed the hanyou's eyes were still reddened and didn't want his son thinking that he didn't care or understand.

Soon they came to a rocky area and Sesshoumaru showed the pups a tiny crevasse in the rock face and led them in to a twisting passage that revealed a small round cave. Inuyasha would not go in, too many bad memories lay in that particular cave; memories not particularly of ill treatment, but of staggering loneliness, at least his pups would have each other for company. But it was left for Sesshoumaru to show the pups around after making sure that nothing else had taken up residence since Inuyasha had used it as shelter.

Later in the foothills of the mountains, the pups were encouraged to hunt and collect food; they needed enough for two days, besides firewood and soft materials for bedding once again. All this they had to cart into the cave and learn how to light the fire, which would then be someone's responsibility to keep alight; there was no natural light seeping in anywhere and the following evening would be the pup's human night.

Once again Inuyasha was nervous and unhappy sitting in a tree; he was not concerned that the pups wouldn't be safe or that there wouldn't be enough to eat for them. On the contrary, there was plenty of wild fruit and game to be hunted, just as there had been when he used to hole up in the cave. But he remembered being unable to sleep as he tried to tuck himself up into a corner, the wind found nooks and crannies and even when it wasn't cold it made strange noises in the dark and Inuyasha had been terribly afraid and alone.

The first night for the pups was an adventure; the two adults who were outside could hear laughter and singing before the pups went to sleep. The children were warm and well fed and this time unafraid, knowing that their father and grandfather were close by. The fire was welcome and comforting and they had all found a corner for themselves in which they had made their beds, using the abundant bracken and they were so tired from the walk and hunt that they soon succumbed to sleep.

Next day once again found them without obvious carers but they did not worry and all piled out into the sunshine to play. They found a hot spring which afforded a lot of carefree fun and there were plenty of wild fruit trees that allowed them to eat at their leisure throughout the day. In the afternoon the sun was warm enough to sunbathe and idle away the few hours left before the pups knew they would have to take shelter in the cave.

That was when the trouble started however; they had forgotten Sesshoumaru's warning and the fire had gone out and the cave was getting cold, they started to argue about whose fault it was which got them nowhere. It was Kaede who reasoned that they were wasting time when they should be trying to relight the fire, which would be essential for light and heat that evening aside from cooking their food.

It took over an hour for them to light a flame and get a sufficient fire started that wouldn't go out in the tiny but powerful breezes that danced around the cave and they all wondered how often the Little Hanyou had had to go without. They knew that he had been much younger than they and alone and untaught so he had probably not had fire for a long time.

The sudden dramatic change came over them all and there were gasps of surprise as they had all lost track of the lunar cycle; they were human and more susceptible to the cold. Now the small fire was even more important, their eyes were nowhere near as efficient in this form and their sense of smell was almost gone. For the first time in their lives they became wary of this night; sounds spooked them and shadows cast by the fire took on lives of their own.

None of them wanted to go to their separate beds as they couldn't see where each other was and they didn't want to leave the fireside. Izamai eventually volunteered to stay awake to keep watch while the others slept; she couldn't help thinking of the Little Hanyou and her heart went out to the boy, living in here on his human nights without the comfort of siblings. Her own started to drift asleep all around the fire which she kept alight all night; never taking her eyes off the warm glow and concentrating on the crackles of the wood rather than the darks shadows and the howling of the wind.

That night the pups shivered but if they woke up, the fire and their older sister were there to comfort them; it was a time they would never forget and as they got older their respect for Izamai grew because they were better able to appreciate her leadership and care of them for the week. The night was the longest that the children had spent until their youki came back but they were exuberant, they had not given up even when they felt they were sorely tested.

In the morning Izamai took a burning brand to search the cave; while she had been awake she had had time to think and when her senses came back she wanted to test out a theory. While they had been excited about the first night, they had not explored the cave and yet her subliminal senses had registered something strange.

Now she wandered to the back of the cave and she found an old blanket and a very old roughly carved plate and cup. They had to belong to the Little Hanyou and the vague lingering scent in the blanket told her exactly who that orphaned boy was. It also raised a lot of questions in her mind and she felt that she wanted the answers. The week had helped her to grow in maturity and although she was still only a child, she had now got protective feelings towards her father via the stories of Sesshoumaru.

TBC


	15. Understanding

Understanding

Izamai brought her findings over to the fire and the other pups, who then carefully examined the objects. All could tell that at some time in the past these had belonged to their father and the obvious conclusion was that he had been the Little Hanyou. This was a surprise to Shinmaru who had thought that Grandfather's stories were just that, some form of allegory. They stayed for a long time discussing the implications of their father being the neglected and abused child in whose footsteps they had been following.

Shinmaru especially felt bad about the nasty trick he had played on Inuyasha now that he knew the older hanyou's past; how could he have judged his father without knowing or finding out all the facts? It was not long before Sesshoumaru came in to the cave to find what was causing them to be late in coming out; he could tell that they had been awake for some time. As he drew near to the fire, Izamai silently held out the plate and cup wrapped in the blanket; Sesshoumaru nodded confirming her unasked question.

"Now you know some of your father's history, and your experiences this week have shown you how he lived somewhat for well over one hundred years."

"You didn't tell us everything though Grandfather, did you?" Izamai spoke softly, but Sesshoumaru heard the hard tone in the way she used the more formal grandfather rather than the familiar grandpapa loud and clear.

"Not by a long way, neither your father nor I feel you need to know all the details as of yet; besides they are for him to tell you if he so desires. Now are you ready to come out and prepare to return home?"

"Do you mean the village Grandfather?"

"No, I meant the Palace Izamai; why would you think otherwise?"

"Just wondering, but yes we are all hungry, is there any food?" Izamai wouldn't quite meet her Grandfather's eyes, but called the other pups and left the cave taking with her the items she'd found. At first the pups were shy to approach their father as he turned to face them with a smile but when he opened his arms they crowded him.

Soon Inuyasha understood that his identity had been discovered and the boys were profuse with their sincere apologies. He took the blanket, cup and plate from his eldest daughter's outstretched hands as she stood in front of him, offering up his old belongings; then he had to put them down rapidly as she burst into tears and flung herself at him. The others were shocked at their sister, she had been so brave during the week, but it only took her to start before the other girls joined in.

Sesshoumaru stood and watched silently; he was not sure how this was going to play out, he'd seen the wary behaviour around him that Izamai was displaying and it wasn't difficult for him to know the reasons why. Her faith in his benevolence had been seriously shaken and she was a mixture of her parents' large hearts and tempers, but her grandfather's ability to slow, cold anger.

"Feh, come on girls stop all this wailing willya? Your Little Hanyou didn't cry all the time; if you were out here for real and on your own you'd stop pretty soon, don't want to give away your hiding places now do you?" Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru for help but he just glanced at the blanket his son had left on the ground and took an obvious sniff, making the hanyou blush; even his less sensitive nose could pick up the traces of the salty scent still left in its fibres.

"Comfort your whelps Inuyasha; pups shouldn't be left to cry alone." With that Sesshoumaru walked away and stood apart from the rest of the family and looked over towards the mountains remembering when his son had been cast away. In his mind's eye he could see the tiny red clad figure scrambling over the rocks and scree making his way to the summit, to stand with his hair blowing and his arms raised almost in supplication.

The small one had never known just how many times Sesshoumaru had saved his life from youkai who had seen him as an all too easy meal as he climbed conspicuously and slowly up the mountain; or from the huge birds that would because of him, no longer venture closely to the child, even though Inuyasha called to them. Sesshoumaru had always been scared in his heart that the child would get blown over in the strong gusts that would swirl around, but never would he admit it; nor would he admit his concern when the little boy would shiver in the cold winds.

While he was reminiscing, Inuyasha had finally been able to distract his offspring from their distress by sharing out the food for breakfast and just as it did for him, the meat took precedence over almost anything else for the time. He then made his way over to his father and taking note of the sombre expression he tried to lighten it.

"I used to climb right to the top of that ridge; I could see for miles… it was like being free."

"I recall, I have seen you up there many times calling to the eagles; you didn't realise how dangerous the birds were? You were small enough to be carried away."

"So it was you who I felt, I didn't know at the time it was youki I could feel, only that I should hide from it. You watched me?"

"You know now that I had some oversight of you Inuyasha. But you haven't answered my question." For what seemed a long time Inuyasha didn't reply and Sesshoumaru thought that perhaps he wouldn't, but then;

"I didn't know they were birds… not for a long time, they were so big and they soared rather than flapped like the other types. They had such grace and they were so far away; I thought them to be spirits and if I called to them they would take me away with them. But of course they never did, and I thought at the time that even the heavens didn't want a hanyou. I'd convinced myself that they could take me to Mama, perhaps she was one of them, soaring high above the petty miseries of the life I led, and I missed her so much in the early days."

"You thought all of that."

"Well not in so many words perhaps but it was what I meant; I used to just call out to Mama to take me with her… sometimes I was so lonely or hurt." His voice tailed off as he turned to look in surprise at his father in time to see a drop of water spill down the porcelain cheek from the wells in his glistening eyes. The hanyou was so surprised that he couldn't take his eyes off the silvery trail until he heard a choked whimper; it was enough to motivate him and he immediately pushed his head beneath Sesshoumaru's chin and put his arms round his father's waist to hold him.

Growling softly, Inuyasha offered his father comfort and soon Sesshoumaru responded by returning the embrace and wiping his face with his hand.

"To express the depth of one's sorrow when one only has words is woefully inadequate Inuyasha. How can just voicing regret and apologising ever make appropriate amends? Yet the pain I feel when you speak thus is lacerating my heart and I find it hard to draw breath." Sesshoumaru placed his hand over his chest and lowered his head as he spoke. Inuyasha pulled away slightly to look up at his father's face;

"You are weeping for me? You have never…for others sometimes, but never me…"

"You are mistaken Inuyasha, I have shed tears for you before; but I have never admitted it, not even to myself. I have sometimes despaired of my treatment of you, yet putting an end to such behaviour failed and I punished you for my own lack of strength. How can you possibly forgive me all of this?"

"Papa, this is old ground now; I don't want either of us to hurt anymore by digging up the past, as long as it doesn't get repeated, it is gone. I love you Papa, I always have; you know this, so let's just forget it shall we?" Sesshoumaru put his head down on Inuyasha's shoulder holding him tightly and Inuyasha, with greater understanding now that he was a father, refrained from commenting further and comforted the Daiyoukai.

Over at the fire Izamai had stood to go over to the adults; she felt compelled to keep a watchful eye on her father, especially near Sesshoumaru now, but Kizume put out her hand and made her stay;

"Papa is fine Izamai; they don't need us at the moment, scent the air." The older girl did so and realising what her sister meant she sat down again in confusion… everything was confusing at the moment. She turned in surprise at the giggle that came from Kizume, not finding anything remotely humorous in the situation until her sister explained;

"I see what Grandpapa means by Papa being a pup still; when I've known father cry he is still like one of the twins, he's noisy, but Grandpapa is silent."

"Kizume, how can you laugh, this is alarming; Grandpapa shouldn't cry, he has no right after all he has done to Papa in the past."

"Oh sister, don't be so harsh, anyone can cry; especially if they are sorry."

"Well, I don't trust him yet, Mama said that Papa was too vulnerable to being hurt; now I know what she meant." Kizume had no answer for her sister over that, she too realised that the Little Hanyou had been through more than they knew and a lot of abuse both physical and verbal had come from his own father. However loving Sesshoumaru was now, it was not all that long ago for Inuyasha; and all the girls at least had heard some of his nightmares and could put two and two together.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were soon ready to come over to eat as well; the boys and Kaede had already gone to wash up by the small river and were going to collect some fruit to finish their meal. Sesshoumaru was very conscious of the two pairs of serious golden eyes fearlessly assessing him; they were definitely Kagome's daughters, Inuyasha had never been so bold in his appraisal of his brother or father unless he was hurling insults and ready to fight. But perhaps that is what the girls were doing after all, letting him know they were ready to fight and protect their father; just as Inuyasha had always been ready to defend their mother.

It was Inuyasha who broke the tension by growling low at the girls; mildly angry at their discourtesy of staring at Sesshoumaru, once it was obvious the Daiyoukai had been in distress. They should have turned away to give him his privacy until he was completely composed and all trace of his upset was gone. Accepting the rebuke, both girls got up to find their siblings and to pack up the rest of the camp that wasn't being used by the adults who were eating their first meal.

Sesshoumaru was slightly amused at the byplay, it had been his decision to come back to the camp rather than go off on his own until his equilibrium had been restored. But he wanted the pups to know that he felt grief and guilt over the past; he wanted them to know that they and their father would always be safe with him and that they were his proper family. But he could understand the coldness he saw in Izamai's eyes very well and it saddened him even if it didn't surprise him.

Over the next few weeks however the child's hovering attention began to annoy Sesshoumaru; he never seemed to be able to have time alone with his son without the girl interrupting them, even the lessons he was giving Inuyasha were no longer off limits to her. Yet she had turned cold towards him; she called him Grandfather with the utmost respect but with no warmth, she shied away from his touch and seemed suspicious of his words, looking for hidden meanings all of the time.

The boys were unaffected by all that had happened bar a definite change in respect for their father; they always wanted to know more about life on his own and how Inuyasha had fought off youkai; they were still very young and bloodthirsty brats as their father called them. But Kizume too was always around her father now; she usually had a treat for him that she had baked, or something she had made. She was trying to show her love for him in these little ways, as if she could make up for all of the things that the Little Hanyou had gone without in his days of want.

He had noticed though whenever the pups referred to Inuyasha's extreme youth they used the term Little Hanyou still; what did the Little Hanyou do, or think, or say? It was as if it were easier for them to slightly de-personalise the tales rather than link them directly to their father. Inuyasha too was quite happy for them to do so, although none of them truly forgot. Sesshoumaru though felt lonely, his son's family seemed to be pulling away from him; how long would it be before Inuyasha felt that the pups were unhappy around him and moved them back to the village?

If that were to happen Sesshoumaru was going to start to build the defences around his heart again; he would never be a danger to them, but neither was he going to show the world that he missed them. It was Kaede who first noticed the preoccupied air of her Grandpapa and the kind little girl could feel that he had sadness lingering around him. She came to sit with him in the garden one day; much to Sesshoumaru's astonishment.

"You do not feel disgusted by This Sesshoumaru Kaede? I feel that I am not the most welcome of beings at the moment."

"No Grandpapa, don't be silly; we all love you."

"Not any longer I'm afraid; I understand, I have done great harm to Inuyasha and even though it was long ago, it is now fresh for all of you and you do not trust me any more."

"Grandpapa, you are speaking of Izamai only; she is finding it hard but only because she feels responsible for Papa for Mama's sake. Mama was always afraid that when Papa was left alone he would start to feel nobody cared about him again; she said he had not got a lot of self esteem and that she was the only one he had fully trusted. Izamai won't let Mama's fears come true, which means she will look after Papa for her and she can be very serious."

"You are a very observant child Kaede, thank you for your words; I will not ever let your Papa down, I give you my word."

"I know Grandpapa; you love Papa or you would never have risked us finding out about him. You wanted us to know how strong and brave Papa was and why he still needed to learn."

"How did you know all of that pup?"

"I understand many things Grandpapa." She said cryptically and gave him a hug and a kiss which went a long way to making Sesshoumaru feel better.

At about the same time Inuyasha had also decided to talk to his eldest child, having noticed her by now obvious reticence with Sesshoumaru. He had pulled the pup to him in a close embrace and stared into her unusually serious eyes. At first he asked her why she was now so distant from her Grandpapa and she was candid in her condemnation about the treatment of the Little Hanyou. What was to prove that he had really changed and wouldn't try to hurt Inuyasha again?

Inuyasha sighed, his little girl meant well and he could see her genuine concern; but her fears were not for herself or the other pups, which meant she was not being led by her instincts. She was judging her grandfather solely on the past and she was not qualified to do this. It meant that he would have to be firm with her and seeing the set of her stubborn little chin, so like Kagome's when she was being assertive, he had to smother a smile.

"Izamai, I need you to stop being so protective of me; you must stop interrupting my lessons or talks with your Grandpapa unless it is an emergency. Your mother and I brought you up better and that you were to wait if adults were talking; it's not as if you are always ignored is it?"

"No Papa, but Grandfather is…"

"Grandpapa is what Izamai?"

"He is dangerous Papa." Izamai almost wailed and Inuyasha once again had to suppress a smile, had the child only just worked that out? Of course she had, she'd never seen the Daiyoukai in action, never quailed at the hint of his smile thankfully.

"He _is_ very dangerous my little one, the most dangerous youkai after my grandfather. It is that very danger that keeps us safe; but I want to know why you are being mean to him."

"I don't trust him anymore Papa, he was so horrid to the Little Hanyou and I have to look after you; Mama said you couldn't look after yourself." Inuyasha raised his eyes at that statement but recognised Kagome's concerns for what they were; but to help his daughter was going to be tricky.

"I am grateful for you looking out for me Izamai, but I trust Grandpapa and so did Mama."

"She didn't know about him though did she?"

"Of course she did; we travelled looking for the jewel shards long before my brother Sesshoumaru and I were reconciled. Mama also knew that he had even tried to kill her." Inuyasha was taking a gamble here and the huge eyes that stared back at him were horrified. "But people change Izamai and they should be given the chance, even when Sesshoumaru thought he hated the Little Hanyou and hurt him he still gave him protection."

"I know but…"

"No buts, Izamai; Grandpapa has made mistakes which is something we all do, but he loves me and he loves you very much. Do you honestly think I would allow you pups to be in any danger from him? I am _your_ parent, not the other way round and I have survived many dangers in my life, not the least from Sesshoumaru. Your Mama too trusted your Grandpapa and Grandmamma Rin to look after you while you played many times; would she have done so if there was any risk to you? Don't be foolish."

"I never thought…"

"No you didn't think; you have rejected your Grandpapa's love and hurt his feelings because you assumed you knew better than your father, you imagine I am to be fooled by sweet words after a lifetime of hurtful ones? I am not so foolish pup; I have always wanted Sesshoumaru's love all of my life, and I know of all the ways he used to hurt me mentally and physically. I can scent deceit and lies but we have talked over the years and you are not privy to all that my father has said to me. You haven't the right to judge him on my past; only I can do that, and I choose not to."

"I understand Papa." She replied mournfully.

"Do you; do you know the pain of rejection Izamai? You do not, but it is agony to want someone to care only to find they discard you. Don't do that to your Grandpapa, he doesn't deserve it from any of you. Now go and find him to apologise quickly." Izamai turned to do just that and didn't have far to go, Sesshoumaru was listening to them and he caught the child as she jumped into his arms whispering her sorry.

With a much lighter heart, Sesshoumaru accepted and kissed her head before putting her back down and going to his own son wrapping his arms around his pup.

"You humble me Inuyasha and I am so grateful that you love me despite…"

"No more Papa, remember; no more sadness for any of us please."

"You have my word Inuyasha; I will not let my treasures go again."

TBC


	16. Lessons in the Library

Lessons in the Library

In the next months the household settled down into a proper routine; lessons for the pups continued not only in the well rounded academic and artistic side, but also in the dojo where they learned about their skills and how to improve them. Both twins were reported as being much more focused and less likely to mess about and cause disruption with the others since they had come back from their outing. Inuyasha too was learning well, his basic reading, writing and numeracy was dealt with by his father, as was his training in the use of his sword techniques and the control of his youkai.

In the main this went very well and over the next couple of years there were only a couple of problems. Inuyasha tried very hard but he was not as intellectually gifted as his father; he was neither unintelligent nor unable, but some concepts were very hard for him to grasp. Sesshoumaru had unlimited patience with him but he had many demands on his time and so after he had schooled Inuyasha in the basics, he had hired a tutor for him and set up another desk in the library alcove.

So far, Inuyasha's lessons had been held in his father's study and he practiced in the library; his desk was full of papers and inks and the Inu youkai who acted as librarian was always available to answer his questions. She was a very calm female who was not at all flustered by the hanyou's hissed expletives as he practised his lessons with varying degrees of success; in fact if he got too frustrated she popped her head in and was usually able to set him right.

She also gallantly ignored the slight scent of the tears that came to his eyes but did not fall, when Inuyasha was particularly exasperated; the times when he felt like throwing the whole lot from the window, which seemed to happen more and more frequently of late. But she didn't know the true cause of Inuyasha's upsets and there was no way he was going to complain; he was most annoyed and surprised at himself for being affected, it was not as if personal insults were a new occurrence.

Neither did the older ape youkai intended to be insulting; that would have made it far easier for him to cope with and to fight against. Inuyasha may have had sixty years or so of watching his temper and language around his mate and pups but that didn't mean he'd forgotten it all. No, the ape was just trying to teach him the things he would need to be a well rounded learned lord of his own land; and they were both finding it difficult.

"Stupid, idiotic, ridiculous were epithets used frequently to describe Inuyasha's ideas, thoughts or work in general; several times a day. Sometimes these were said out loud and other times they were under the breath as the ape despaired of Inuyasha. His hard work often was screwed up or ripped apart as useless wastes of paper and ink, purely because the writing was not neat enough or was too large.

Inuyasha got to dread the mornings but he wouldn't miss his lessons; his pups were not given that option and he wanted them to be proud of his accomplishments… if he ever made any. Sesshoumaru could tell that his son was always apprehensive, but put it down to a normal dislike of school which even he could empathise with; sometimes the Daiyoukai's education had been hard as well. But Sesshoumaru was not seeing Inuyasha during the day much, as the boy was often in the library for hours practicing or doing his homework.

What no one realised was that two different messages were getting crossed; the ape was reporting good news to Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha worked hard and diligently; there were of course areas in which he could and would improve, but this was only natural and to be expected. Inuyasha meantime was _only_ hearing the bad; his brain was selective all of the time and having been so used to verbal abuse for most of his life, he picked up on it straight away. He didn't register the nods of approval when he did something right or the sounds of agreement which were also present in his lessons; Inuyasha only heard the recognition of his failures.

Sesshoumaru started to worry only when Inuyasha's sparring stopped showing signs of improvement and he started to revert to the days of just hitting back instead of thinking his movements through. But when Inuyasha seemed to withdraw more and more instead of voicing his usual opinions, his father decided he needed to find out what was at the bottom of Inuyasha's reluctance. He went to the library to visit with the librarian.

She told Sesshoumaru that all seemed well when the lessons took place and she showed the Daiyoukai the waste paper basket that she emptied each day. He looked through the remains of the papers but this told him nothing and so he decided to watch over the lessons for himself from the library and without either of the others knowing that he was there.

For the first two days, nothing seemed amiss with the lessons, they progressed much as any other academic session; Sesshoumaru remembered the indignity of having some of his work ceremonially destroyed when his tutor deemed that he could have done better. Prince or no prince, Sesshoumaru got away with nothing in school; both his parents wished for him to achieve his potential.

Inuyasha though seemed to clam up as the morning wore on, hiding inside himself if he were scolded; sometimes even the hint of saline clung to him and Sesshoumaru wondered why. Then like a thunderbolt the reason hit Sesshoumaru; he'd had loving parents to whom he could complain or even sometimes whine when things got too much, or if tutors seemed unfair. Inuyasha was not yet able to do this, he was used to dealing alone with problems and although he could excel at the physical fighting, his emotional side was not so well equipped.

Two days later Sesshoumaru's suspicions were confirmed when the parting shot of the morning from the ape was to tell Inuyasha that his _'illustrious father would be ashamed of him for the shoddy work that had been presented today.'_ As the ape left, Inuyasha could take no more and put his head down on the desk resting it on his crossed arms. Sesshoumaru sighed as he scented his son's tears and heard his muffled sobs; remembering when he too had been in the same position many years ago.

The father in him suddenly understood how his own father had felt and dealt with him when faced with his son's grief over very similar words; Inu no Taisho had restrained the tearful but extremely proud Sesshoumaru from leaving his presence. He had put his arms round him letting the son feel the strength of his father and remained silent until Sesshoumaru had stopped his 'dignified' struggling to get away.

Then the General had just whispered words of calm more suitable for an infant than a humiliated and upset teenager and reassured the boy of his unfailing love; telling him that nothing Sesshoumaru had done had ever made him ashamed or regret being his father. Sesshoumaru remembered that he had been completely overcome by the feeling of safety and love that he had still craved and that his father had not berated him for his emotion, neither had he mentioned it; he had just held him until Sesshoumaru was ready and once more composed.

Sesshoumaru bent down to pick up the paper that lay neglected on the floor and smoothed out the creases; Inuyasha's writing had improved but not by much, it was still large and not very neat besides having splotches of ink marring the unwritten margins. The Daiyoukai recognised that he had been forcing Inuyasha to rush things with the hanyou's help; in effect his son wanted to run before he could walk properly.

But this was no race, obviously Inuyasha was not ready yet for a tutor and he would be better off reading for his learning at his leisure and just improving his legibility in writing. Kasaigin, the librarian came to the doorway having heard that Inuyasha was upset and not realising that Sesshoumaru was still there; on seeing him she bowed and left, but stayed close by in case she was wanted.

"Pup?" Sesshoumaru questioned as he stroked the bent head and noticed as Inuyasha immediately stiffened in response. With ears flat to his head, Inuyasha looked up briefly and stood wrapping his arms round himself and then walked to the window.

"I'm fine Papa; lessons are sometimes hard for me." Inuyasha's voice belied how fine he was, but Sesshoumaru smiled to himself, how well he remembered this proud feeling. But before Inuyasha could leave, which is what he wanted to do, Sesshoumaru followed his own father's example and pulled the hanyou into a strong hug. His son stayed rigid in the embrace although he also tried to get away; which proved as futile as Sesshoumaru's own attempts had been. Just as his father had done, Sesshoumaru held on to his son until the boy relaxed, recognising his defeat.

"Hush Pup, it is alright; everything will work out, there is no need for you to be distraught."

"No it won't; I can't do anything right with this schooling, all I do is frustrate that old monkey. I am just a stupid, idiotic hanyou and I shame you. At least my kids are sensible and can learn properly."

"My silly pup, I am not ashamed of you; far from it, in fact I am to blame here. I allowed you to convince me you were ready for a tutor, when you still really need to practice your early skills. The Ape is not intending to insult you; I too heard all these things about my own work, but I was forgetting that because of your past you would understand them differently. I too was told I was a disgrace to my father and he had to comfort me and reassure me that I was not. In fact I turned out to be the disappointment whereas you never have."

"I don't want to not learn…"

"Tomorrow you shall come back with me and I will see what can be done, but you will not be subjected to the more rigorous learning anymore, at least until you are better prepared." Sesshoumaru privately thought that Inuyasha would never be ready for such strict censure and he would have to find someone with more understanding to teach him. But now he felt the boy shudder against him and Inuyasha turned in his arms and wept in gratitude.

Sesshoumaru just held him firmly and said nothing; letting his presence and strength reassure his son, as his father had done for him. When Inuyasha was calm, Sesshoumaru ordered them lunch to be taken in the library and recommended a stroll around the gardens afterwards to balance the mind again. It worked well and Inuyasha was much more his old self when he came to spar with his father later on in the day.

The next day in the library, Sesshoumaru went to the shelves he had set aside for Inuyasha's use to find more books and scrolls had been placed there. He opened some and found that they were not complicated, yet not childish, and they covered a wide range of subjects; however he didn't recognise them from his collection.

Taking one over to Kasaigin, he asked her about them. She told him that she had wondered if Inuyasha could benefit from the scrolls; her father had had them made for her when she was a pup, believing that girls should also be allowed to read and learn should they choose to do so. The content was not difficult to understand yet was fairly comprehensive; Sesshoumaru thought they would do very well indeed and thanked Kasaigin for her trouble.

She replied that she was only too glad to assist; she felt sorry for the young prince, she knew his history in part as did all the long term staff and knew that study was proving to be an uphill struggle. She only wished she could help him more; she had enjoyed teaching her younger siblings and a couple of younger cousins too. Sesshoumaru studied her face and only saw interest and not intrigue and so he asked if she would perhaps help Inuyasha further; telling her of his decision regarding the tutor.

Kasaigin agreed; the tutor was far too harsh for the hanyou who was still vulnerable to self doubt of his general worth, and yes her duties in the library would easily accommodate a more involved teaching role for Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru noted that the female seemed genuinely happy to be able to have a more active role in helping Inuyasha than just answering the odd question for him; he wondered how Inuyasha would take to the idea.

As it turned out, the arrangement worked perfectly and with both Sesshoumaru and Kasaigin helping him, Inuyasha grew more confident and his writing skills improved considerably. He didn't mind Sesshoumaru taking him through the very elementary exercises for forming his letter shapes again and Kasaigin was also firm but gentle, as she too aided him and corrected his mistakes. Inuyasha was a very hard working and persevering student that made it very worthwhile to teach him.

Gradually over the following year most of his lessons were taken over by Kasaigin who then reported Inuyasha's progress to Sesshoumaru; this was a satisfactory arrangement for them all and by now the hanyou's writing was as good as it was going to get. He would never be the best calligraphist but the words were neat and legible and his numeracy was fine; Inuyasha found maths easy.

The subject of returning to a proper tutor never again was mentioned; it was not needed, Inuyasha was not a young child who required a set discipline to make him learn, he wanted to do so for himself and between Kasaigin and Sesshoumaru he had all the teachers he needed. Besides he could now read and fully comprehend most of the library books and spent many hours just trying to absorb knowledge. So much so that sometimes Sesshoumaru had to call a halt to his study as Inuyasha hadn't realised how much time had gone by.

In fact Inuyasha seemed so entranced by all the learning that Sesshoumaru became suspicious and confronted his son with firm words. Judging by the surprised and ferocious blush, he knew he had guessed correctly; Inuyasha didn't want Sesshoumaru to stop being proud of him and knowing how well educated and clever his father was, the hanyou was trying to not to fail his expectations.

So Inuyasha was still insecure and thinking on the old ape's words even if it was subconsciously; it was time for a holiday and to take Inuyasha away from learning for a while and so Sesshoumaru accepted his mother's invitation to visit for a few weeks with his son and grandpups. This visit was not just the Lady offering hospitality however; she was a socialite and wanted Sesshoumaru to circulate more.

Sesshoumaru was by no means naïve to his mother's designs and thought it better to prepare Inuyasha for her ulterior motives, while telling him at the same time to enjoy the parties and excursions. It was at the first of these parties that Sesshoumaru saw again what an actor Inuyasha could be; a couple of the ladies had found out that the hanyou was the Western Lord's son and were trying to ingratiate themselves with him.

They made the mistake of treating Inuyasha as the young pup he really was, not realising that the hanyou's life experience had taken him far from the sheltered pampered life that Sesshoumaru's son could be supposed to have lived, and making him far more mature than he would normally have been. They also hadn't recognised that he was the hanyou who had defeated Naraku, so it was great entertainment for Inuyasha as he was patted on the head and called a positive darling pup.

Sesshoumaru found him eventually surrounded by flirting females and was ready to rescue him, when one of the women called him over by saying what a wonderful son Inuyasha must be. Intrigued Sesshoumaru joined them, to see Inuyasha sitting at someone's feet with a plate of food while another was braiding his hair. But the biggest surprise to the Daiyoukai was the incredible innocence; large wide eyes and a pretty smile added up to an ingenuous look which was quite out of place on his fiery son's face.

However as Inuyasha spied his father Sesshoumaru could see the devilish glint quite clearly in the smile and eyes; and it was obvious that Inuyasha was milking the situation for all his worth. His father smirked back at him and marvelled that his rough diamond of a son could appear more innocent than even his own pups.

So it went on at all the gatherings; even when the youkai females found out that Sesshoumaru was a grandfather and that Inuyasha was the father of the adorable pups that the Lady kept around playing during the day. But when Sesshoumaru cornered Inuyasha and teased him about his conquests, the hanyou sighed and had to admit it was nice being pampered and babied; at least for a while.

None of the women caught Sesshoumaru's eye however; no matter how hard they tried nor how genuine they were, but his mother didn't give up hope that one day he would choose another after his loss of Rin. He though was not interested and both father and son were happy when it came time to leave to go home; so after thanking the Lady and inviting her to return soon to the Western Palace, they left and breathed a sigh of relief. There was only so much entertainment they could cope with and their holiday had been enjoyable but all would be pleased to get home.

Inuyasha remarked that at least none of the females that were around the Palace were as insipid or conniving as those they had been meeting and he supposed that high born females whether youkai or human were much the same. Sesshoumaru reminded Inuyasha that his own mother was noble and she hadn't been like that at all and neither was his teacher, Kasaigin who was also high born, her parents being two of his most highly regarded ambassadors.

In fact although he didn't say so to Inuyasha, at least not yet, Sesshoumaru was looking forward to seeing Kasaigin again. She was good company when they had spoken about Inuyasha's education; knowledgeable and respectful, but with a determination that would sometimes cause her to speak out of turn with him. This though was a welcome change; at least he knew she was not afraid to speak her mind; she had actually mentioned this herself saying that she knew he could not take offence as she only spoke the truth.

Although that was not strictly true, she was not rude but passionate in her beliefs, and when those included what was the correct way to deal with Inuyasha she was very firm; she protected him as if he were her own pup, she had become so fond of him. Inuyasha too had found it far easier to learn from her than from the tutor and the affection between them was obvious and mutual. It was still too soon for Sesshoumaru, but they all had time to wait and see how things developed.

TBC


	17. Time Passes

Time Passes

Ten years later Inuyasha was able to debate clearly and logically on history and battles long past; he was able to discern the pros and cons in various situations and was well on his way to being able to be in charge of his own lands as their Lord. However he was still legally too young besides being too busy with his family yet for the Lady to be convinced that, in a time where it was not essential, he should be in charge off anything larger than his suite of rooms in the Western Palace.

Inuyasha wasn't bothered, he was happy where he and his pups were; he enjoyed being a beloved and protected son, his developing relationship with Sesshoumaru was all he had ever desired for most of his life, barring Kagome. Sesshoumaru had said of course that Inuyasha wouldn't have to live at his estate in any case; the boy's home was in the Western Palace and there was obviously a perfectly competent manager who did live on site.

Sesshoumaru was serious, he didn't want his son living apart from him; they were just at the point of such complete trust that Inuyasha rarely had any self doubts any more. It had been a great relief when Inuyasha had stopped looking for the hidden meaning in things said or done; now he almost automatically recognised that no one was out to insult him. It was pleasant when they no longer had to guard every word or look.

But it hadn't gone completely; sometimes Inuyasha would look pained and Sesshoumaru would have to think over what had been said and reassure his pup. But if he were foolish enough to suggest that Inuyasha take his family and set up his home on his own land, his son would definitely take it the wrong way and think that Sesshoumaru wanted to get rid of him. No; Inuyasha was not ready to leave and neither father nor son wanted him to yet.

In fact life in the Palace was settled and comfortable, the pups were growing well including the older one and Sesshoumaru was very conscious of the feeling of family again; something that had been missing in his life since his father's death and mother's departure. His pack was now precious to him and many times he privately regretted all the squandered time spent in despising his son and his own lot in life. Truly there was nothing to compare with seeing the loving trust in Inuyasha's eyes when he looked at his father now, and the fact that Sesshoumaru had been prepared to kill the boy at one time made him shudder deep inside.

The family feel was enhanced when Sesshoumaru came across Inuyasha sitting on the floor or cushion at Kasaigin's feet as they discussed a book, or when she read to him informally. She often brought the boy refreshment and kept him company because no amount of restricting his time in study had worked; Inuyasha was determined to make his father proud. It didn't matter how much Sesshoumaru tried to encourage Inuyasha to ease up and that he was never ashamed of him, nothing worked and the hanyou slaved away.

Kasaigin came up with the compromise; Inuyasha stopped his formal work and would let the librarian read to him or debate informally and in a far more relaxed situation. That way Inuyasha could keep his brain active while his body was more at rest; between spending time with his children and his desire to learn academically Inuyasha didn't leave much time for himself. To ensure that he too had time with his son, Sesshoumaru had come to value the relaxing times with Inuyasha and Kasaigin as well; often joining in with the discussions.

Sometimes and these were Inuyasha's favourite, Sesshoumaru would read; his voice was perfect for declaiming and although he never said it aloud, Inuyasha loved hearing his father read as he rested his head against Sesshoumaru's leg. Sesshoumaru also was relaxed at these times and would pet Inuyasha as he read, feeling most content. There was something so safe and permanent sitting by the fire and having your parent read to you, no matter that he was also a parent, he was also a pup. Inuyasha now understood the desire of his own pups and he made it a rule to read to them at bedtime now that he was able.

They were so proud of his achievements especially as it soon became evident that Inuyasha was pulling ahead of them in knowledge; he had a more adult approach to his education than the pups, although none of them had forgotten why Inuyasha had not received learning up to now. The knowledge helped them to apply more attention to their own lessons.

Whenever Sesshoumaru came to join them Kasaigin would stay a while enjoying the sharing of opinions; but once the father and son had settled down to read she would soon slip away, leaving the two their time together. Sesshoumaru appreciated her discretion and came to value her more for her insight; she never tried to become more than she was to either of them, and she was unaware of how often her Lord's eyes followed her with appreciation.

Kasaigin was not conventionally beautiful but she had her good points; she was a little more rounded than was generally found appealing, and was pretty rather than exquisite with good bone structure. She had been blessed with large expressive eyes and a generous mouth which was given to many smiles and that was Sesshoumaru's main problem; she reminded him in a lot of ways of Rin and he wouldn't make that mistake.

Inuyasha had noticed over the last couple of years that Sesshoumaru seemed to be attracted to Kasaigin but thought it was none of his business to get involved. He did keep a covert watch on the pair to see if the interest was returned and for a while he was not sure; Kasaigin was not giving away a single blush, but she didn't show the normal reticence for Sesshoumaru's company that many did either.

However as time went on, there were more signs that both his father and Kasaigin had noticed each other; glances were exchanged that lingered longer than would normally be polite, even the occasional unguarded smile at each other. But there was nothing more, until Inuyasha felt he would burst and he had to go and speak to Sesshoumaru about it; the Daiyoukai would miss his chance if he wasn't careful, that was something Inuyasha knew a lot about.

Once his mind was made up, Inuyasha looked for his golden opportunity; although being the hanyou that he was, the boy still hadn't learned to tread gently and automatic tact was still a long way off, causing him to just blurt out to his father his concerns.

"Papa, you like Kasaigin don't you? Aren't you going to court her before someone else takes her away?"

"Inuyasha, that's hardly something I can just answer like that."

"Of course it is; what's stopping you, you are the Lord of the West and you are both unattached. What could be simpler?"

"It is too soon after Rin; you should understand this, my son." There was a hint of reproach in his father's voice which pained Inuyasha but true to form he didn't let it stop him.

"No, I don't want anyone at all; but I'm not going around looking either, you are and you are serious, so what is holding you back?" Inuyasha ignored the annoyed growl and tried not to let his hackles rise or the fear lace his scent that a growl from Sesshoumaru would have caused not too long ago. But Inuyasha couldn't stop his ears flattening and Sesshoumaru noticed anyway and immediately calmed down, knowing that his son meant well.

Inuyasha came and pushed his head beneath his father's chin apologetically asking for reassurance which Sesshoumaru gave by petting him and growling low, while he thought out his answers for his son. He knew that his son's situation was different from his own; for one thing, apart from missing Kagome still, Inuyasha was too young really to be considering mating in the normal course of events. But he, Sesshoumaru was different; he was a fully mature male who wished for a mate rather naturally, his need highlighted by the fact that there was an available female whom he thought complimented him very well.

"Inuyasha, I cannot court anyone until I stop comparing them to Rin; once again this should be apparent to you. In many ways Kasaigin reminds me of Rin and until she does not I cannot ask her to court." He said quite gently.

"Papa, you are not trying to replace Rin and the situation is different than was between Kagome and Kikyou. It's just that Kasaigin, like my little Kaede, remind you of what you found attractive in Rin. I expect that really what it is…is that the things you find attractive in females, these have. They are gentle but unafraid of you; they all talked to you speaking their minds, but with the proper respect. Other things I expect that I don't know. I do know that Kagome often reminded me of my mother but I never got them confused."

It was a new thought for Sesshoumaru; he certainly did find certain characteristics attractive in women, as does everyone who finds someone else worthy of note ,and of course put like that several women he already knew were similar in some ways. Rin embodied his ideals as the perfect partner in most of them, but he didn't see her in Kasaigin; they were not very alike physically or in personality as Rin had been slightly more docile, which was probably only due to the fact she had known him from her childhood.

Sesshoumaru knew he could never replace Rin nor did he want to; but he did think perhaps he could move on and Kasaigin was certainly compatible with him so far. They both had time to build a relationship that would satisfy both, if Sesshoumaru was ready to ask if he could court her. But there was another possible obstacle to him becoming mated, the same one that stopped him from taking Rin.

"What about you Inuyasha, you are my prime responsibility; how would you be if I should take a mate and have pups? If I have any pups when mated, you would be automatically disqualified from inheriting the West."

"Feh, I thank you for not having hanyou pups before I knew I was your son but even if you'da mated Mama and then Rin you'd still be alone now… I…I don't need to be your heir to be loved by you and that's all that's ever mattered to me; so long as my pups are safe and have some future, I don't care about someone else being above me like that. It'd prob'ly be nice to have other brothers and sisters; I like pups…I think it's time."

Sesshoumaru could hear the slight uncertainty in his son's voice, but knew that it was not because of being replaced as heir; Inuyasha didn't want to be replaced in love by pure youkai pups; his human heart was causing slight doubts to grow. The Daiyoukai was more in tune now with this aspect of his son; looking after Rin and then Inuyasha he could tell when the human emotions were more in play than the youkai senses.

If Inuyasha were an illegitimate full youkai he would still fight for his right to be recognised and loved even if he didn't inherit; but as a hanyou, he would accept that he was not as desirable and become miserable if not reassured constantly. Although this would also be partly in consequence of his upbringing; something Sesshoumaru could only regret but not change. What he could do and must do was make sure that Inuyasha never felt left out or unworthy his father's affections.

For the next month Sesshoumaru debated within himself and with brutal honesty, as he also listened to his more basic youkai as to whether or not he was ready and willing to start the proceedings that would end with him mated for life. Some of his considerations had to be based on the compatibility between himself and his intended; he like any sentient being wished for harmony in his life and he would like to think that he could eventually have love in the same way his parents had.

His youkai also insisted that she be powerful enough to hold his interest yet also know her status as his mate and not try to usurp or undermine his authority. This had never been a problem with human Rin, but could be with a youkai female; he didn't think Kasaigin was the sort to challenge him however, at least not in matters of state. She would for her pups however; she had already taken Inuyasha under her wing and was not shy of expressing herself where it came to his wellbeing. However this would be a prerequisite in any mate he chose, especially concerning his offspring.

Was he ready though? Sesshoumaru was determined to be a worthy mate; his partner would not be neglected physically or emotionally, she would have no cause to complain of his treatment of her. That meant that he would have to be ready to put his love for Rin into memory only; he would not do his mate the injustice of wishing he were with another, that would be the height of bad manners even if it were in the privacy of his own mind.

Honesty was the key he decided and once his mind was made up he went to seek Kasaigin to ask her to walk with him in the gardens. She agreed with a gentle but sincere smile and his heart flipped over, partly because the gesture was like Rin but also because he thought it lit up her pretty face. The day was pleasant and warm and the Lord had ordered a luncheon that could be eaten outside for the two of them to be set up on the bank of one of his large ornamental ponds.

The picnic was a good icebreaker and mellowed slightly with an excellent wine, Sesshoumaru came straight to the point. He told Kasaigin everything, from his past with Izayoi all the way to his discussion with Inuyasha and his heart searching over Rin and whether or not he was desirous of a mate now or later.

The warm day and the buzzing of insects all added up to a lazy relaxed feel for both Inu youkai and Sesshoumaru was conscious of being companionable with Kasaigin without the feeling of loss. In fact it was pleasant sitting with a mature mateable female, who was not given to silly girlish giggles or blushes over the slightest things; but who could converse sensibly with him.

"I remember Rin when you first brought her here, she loved the gardens; she was such an enigma to us all, so cheerful and with you as her guardian."

"Are you implying that I was not a suitable guardian?"

"No, far from it; you are always very proper, but you have to admit you were an incongruous pair in so many ways, although no one could have ever doubted that you both loved each other. You were so happy together and even if none of us saw it, she did. The sacrifice you both made for Inuyasha was very costly to you both, I do understand."

"She was a special child in her own right, even if I did at first allow her to stay by my side through my own guilt over my son. Rin has a special place in my heart and mind that I feel will never be able to be put aside; hence my reluctance to speak about courtship, even though I would like to try with you."

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I would not ask you to forget about Rin; it would be pointless and unfair to you and her, but she would have gone anyway at some time and even had you mated you could not have kept her. Many females have to become a second mate; they make their own place in their mate's heart if they are wise and do not try to smother the first… if there was love."

"You would be prepared to do this?"

"I would be prepared to _try _and see how it goes My Lord; I already hold you in great esteem and know I have deep affection for both you and Inuyasha, we could take it slowly and see how it works out." Kasaigin smiled once again at Sesshoumaru as he lifted her hand and kissed her fingers; grateful for her understanding.

For eight months nothing much changed; Kasaigin refused to act any differently to her normal ways and routines, although she did take walks with Sesshoumaru so that they could talk and get to know each other better and she joined the family for the evening meal. But she attempted no ingratiating ways on any of the pups including Inuyasha, beyond her normal warm and happy personality that endeared her in any case and had started long before Sesshoumaru had spoken to her.

Then one evening after his pups had gone to bed, the couple asked Inuyasha to stay with them for their evening walk. He knew what was coming and he was happy for them both, but didn't pre-empt their announcement. Sure enough, Sesshoumaru told his son that he had asked Kasaigin to become his mate and she had agreed; he also reiterated that the Western Palace would always be Inuyasha's home as well.

But there was more, Sesshoumaru could see that Inuyasha had not got a problem with his father taking a mate but the hanyou would have to publicly recognise her too; therefore a name had to be considered. Kasaigin took Inuyasha by the hand and walked beside him.

"Thank you for being so accepting of me as your father's mate Inuyasha; I know some of what you two have been through together and I understand how important you are to each other. I do not intend to ever try and come between you and I understand how difficult it might be to ever call me Mama. You probably feel you do not need a Mama anymore in any case, although I would debate the issue; but do you think you could at least call me Lady Kasaigin in public without too much trouble?"

"Feh of course I can; I don't know about Mama but perhaps I can call you Kassi for now?"

"That would delight me Inuyasha; come now it is time for some wine; I think your father will make a formal declaration next month when we will have our mating banquet, that will give us plenty of time to sort out the details."

Sesshoumaru came to put his arms around Inuyasha, proud and happy that his son was so accepting and forgiving; had he not been, their lives would have been far more bitter and regretful. And so the invitations went out and the grand mating feast announced; finally the Lord of the West was going to take his Lady and she was considered a worthy mate, most of the guests knew and approved of her parents.

So it came to be that the Lord and Lady were mated and once more a new routine was settled on the Palace and all were happy that Kasaigin was a sensible person. Inuyasha's lessons continued but now the relationship was even easier and over time more trust was built between Inuyasha and his new step mother. His pups also had no trouble in relating to their Grandpapa and Grandmamma and even Jaken totally approved.

TBC


	18. Trouble Averted

Trouble Averted

A day long awaited had finally arrived and the birth of a new heir to the West was upon them; although Kasaigin was fed up of the waiting for obvious reasons, youkai and human women alike deplored the last month of pregnancy. Excitement though was infectious and there was a lot of bustle since the morning, when the Lady had gone into labour. The pups had been over the top and been sent out of the way so that they didn't add to the frenzy that the Palace was under; they were quite happy to go with Jaken as long as he could reassure them that Grandmamma was going to be fine.

Sesshoumaru's mother too was there; organising everything so it all was running smoothly in the household and Kasaigin hadn't had to worry about anything for over a month now while the Lady was in charge. His mother was amazing, Sesshoumaru thought; she'd adapted straight away but then he thought perhaps it wasn't quite so surprising, it had used to be her home after all with her servants.

At present the Lord of the West was waiting in the adjoining chamber to the birthing room along with Inuyasha who was keeping his father's mind a little diverted by his nervous antics of pacing and sighing. It amused Sesshoumaru to think that Inuyasha had already been through this five times for himself and his mate and yet he was acting as if this was the first time he'd known a woman to give birth.

Mind you it was working; Sesshoumaru would have been far more worried, although never admitting it, had Inuyasha not been there. Tenseiga anyway was strapped to his hip just in case; normally he didn't need to wear it in the Palace unless he was greeting visitors. Inuyasha was so agitated that he needed his father to calm him down; his nose sniffing the air every few seconds and his puppy ears swivelling to take in any sounds from the next room, but it was still the early stages yet and Sesshoumaru prepared for a long wait.

He was taken by surprise however, for only a couple of hours later he was the proud father of two new sons and a daughter; all of which were carbon copies of him, except for their rounder faces and slightly wider mouths. It was at present impossible to tell the difference between any of the three apart from the obvious gender and the fact that the eldest boy had a corded bracelet put on to show that he was the Western heir. It was too soon to be certain of the pup's personal scent, confused as it was in the process of birth.

Inuyasha was almost as delighted in the pups as his father; in fact it was difficult for anyone to get near them he was so protective and Sesshoumaru was proud of him. There was no scent of deception nor underlying jealousy in his eldest son; both of which, more than one counsellor had warned about. The advice to send Inuyasha away had been tactfully but with increasing force, put each time, but still it had angered Sesshoumaru; especially when his son had overheard the last of the heated debates concerning the safety of the true heir.

The boy had offered to leave if it would ease his parents' minds about their forthcoming pups but Kasaigin had been the one to reassure this time, saying that all her children should still be under the same roof. But Inuyasha, who personally knew the love and value of pups besides understanding what it meant to be a persecuted child; had been thoroughly shaken that anyone could possibly think that he would harm any pup or conspire against one, let alone his own siblings and he was shattered and hurt to his core.

Sesshoumaru had been vastly angered by their insinuations that had now hurt his pup; his golden eyes turned ruby as he dared anyone to repeat the slur cast on his son's honour and integrity. Quickly the advisors had submitted to their Lord's authority, and indeed no one could doubt how upset Inuyasha had been made by their allegations; it was obvious that he was not plotting against the unborn heir.

Rather it was difficult for some of them to believe that the bawling pup before them was the same fierce hanyou who had brought down Naraku; not fully realising that Inuyasha had for a long time now felt safe to _be_ the pup he truly was. He no longer had to hide behind a crass exterior and the hard shell of his heart had been chiselled away ever since he knew that Kagome accepted him as a hanyou and taught him that it was alright to have friends and trust them with his feelings.

But a surprising and touching good came from the incident; Kasaigin spent her time soothing Inuyasha and telling him that both she and his father knew that he was no danger to the pups in her belly. She too was angry that he was distraught and even growled a warning at Sesshoumaru when he approached; protecting the pup from further disturbance. It was she who caressed the hanyou that time and she who wiped his tears; and it was she whose heart soared as he murmured _'Mama' _in the same form of acceptance he had done his father.

Sesshoumaru had enfolded both of them in his aura and his arms when he heard his son's whisper; he was overjoyed to think that his family would be absolutely united with Inuyasha not being even slightly on the outside or any different to his other pups. Finally all the time that they had spent together over the years as teacher and mentor, had transcended friendship into a feeling of belonging for both of them, into that of parent and child.

That was several months ago and no more disparaging remarks had been heard; at least not publicly. Now the new pups were the topic of conversation and congratulations; and were eagerly inspected by their nieces and nephews, who were in turn stared at and scented by their new uncles and aunt. Soon all the new scents and identities were worked out and recorded and the triplet litter were so much a part of the life of the Western Palace that it was as if they had always been.

Inuyasha and his pups were often the centre of the new pups' lives; there was no shortage of care for the babies and soon they were able to find their ways all over the Palace. At just under a year old they were helping each other walk and were starting to talk, which was hardly surprising with the amount of attention they got; although they were not going to be spoiled and had to learn to share early.

At two they were all quite articulate and already both the boys were protective of their sister who was the middle child and often got fed up with the pair of them bossing her around. She was already an imperial little girl, very prim and proper and Inuyasha used to smother a laugh at thinking how like Sesshoumaru she was; only she was of course feminine. It was her natural way though; she was far too young yet to start any of the formal disciplines, the eldest son too was very similar whereas their younger brother was more like Inuyasha.

When the pups were three they were adorable and Sesshoumaru watched his serious little heir walk across the courtyard towards him with no trace of his inner smile on his face, until he noticed the tears on the pup's cheeks and the shudder of the tiny shoulders. Swallowing the immediate murderous impulse to disembowel whatever had caused the child's upset Sesshoumaru went to him and scooped him into his safe arms.

"Calm down Pup and explain to Papa what is the matter."

"Inyassa cross wiv me and him run away."

"What did you do Kanmaru?"

"This Kanmaru not know; but him smell like cross and near crying." Sesshoumaru thought quickly, this personal formality was a new way of speaking for any of the pups; perhaps…

"Papa is sure Inuyasha is not cross with you Pup; but I will go and make sure he is alright. Will that make you happy?"

"Yes Papa."

"Go and find Mama then and get washed up for dinner; fret no more, I shall find your brother." In fact now that he put his mind to it, he knew exactly where Inuyasha was; he could hear trees being demolished in the forest outside the Palace. What had made Inuyasha so angry? It had been many years since the pup had taken refuge in that sort of destructive behaviour to rid him of his bad humour.

After watching his pup toddle off to the waiting Kasaigin who had come after scenting her pup's tears, Sesshoumaru set off in the general direction of his older pup. He was not difficult to find but before he confronted Inuyasha, the Daiyoukai took stock; Inuyasha was upset certainly, but the saline scent was only slight indicting the boy was angrily frustrated, rather than just miserable. He was also muttering under his breath but Sesshoumaru couldn't make out what he was saying which was probably just as well. Waiting until Inuyasha noticed him, he watched his son as he decimated another tree into nothing more than firewood.

"It has been a long time since you were this angry Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru said neutrally.

"Feh!" Inuyasha spat out, hiding his face behind his fringe, a warning for Sesshoumaru to tread carefully.

"Kanmaru feels he made you angry, causing you to leave him?"

"Keh! Pup did nothing wrong."

"He weeps because you were upset with him and he doesn't know what to do or say as apology."

"He owes me nothing silly pup; he didn't do anything wrong, leave me and I'll tell him I'm sorry when I come back, O.K."

"I will not leave you while you are distressed Inuyasha, I want you to tell me what has you destroying trees…something from our past haunts you?"

"How?…Never mind it's nothing…I haven't the words; it's just silly…look just go back and stop Kanmaru wailing, tell him I'm not cross with him, never." Inuyasha was stressed; his whole body screamed stress at Sesshoumaru and there was no way that the father was going to leave his son to work this out. It did have to do with their past, Inuyasha had all but admitted it and too often Sesshoumaru had left the pup to deal with it on his own back then.

"Start from the beginning Inuyasha; I'm not leaving you until you tell me what has happened." Sesshoumaru pulled Inuyasha over to him and sat down with the boy held tightly across his lap. Once again his strength proved too much for the pent up Inuyasha, who had no choice but to stay where he was put. "Start with what Kanmaru said or did."

"He did nothing and I can't _'just say', _I barely understand it myself let alone try and explain something that is probably due to being part human to a full youkai." Inuyasha replied petulantly.

"It's a nice day and I have nothing pressing to do with the rest of it, so we can stay like this for as long as it takes Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru smiled as he listened to Inuyasha, huffing his annoyance at not being able to get free. But the hanyou also knew that Sesshoumaru meant what he said, he would wait until he got an answer.

"It was muddled and happened so quickly…and I got scared."

"Go on." Sesshoumaru was firm and Inuyasha took a deep breath and tried to explain.

"My… brother Sesshoumaru hated me; he hated my mixed blood, my existence, even the sight of me and yet I still craved his attention and for some reason I loved him. But you gave me something better in return, you gave me my Papa and then when the pups were born I got my full youkai brother back and more; and they all love me, it's still incredible to me.

"Today I was just thinking of all that again when Kanmaru came up to me, he wanted to be picked up… what he actually said was _'This Kanmaru wants you to carry him Inuyasha.'_ I'd never heard him refer to himself like that before, and he sounded so like you used to and his face was just like yours that…I just stared at him. I remembered doing that to you; coming with my arms outstretched, wanting to be held and you knocked me into a tree; I couldn't stop the memories.

"It all got jumbled up in my mind…I got very angry at the memory and scared that one day Kanmaru will turn into Sesshoumaru and hate me and it will all start again. I had to get out." By now the tears were evident on Inuyasha's face and then he laughed at the same time as he cried causing hiccups, which surprised Sesshoumaru. "The silliest thing is though, that I miss Sesshoumaru, even though he hated me; I still miss him, how stupid is that? I never got to say goodbye."

No wonder Inuyasha doubted his father's ability to understand his mixed up thoughts, when the explanation was also almost incoherent; thought Sesshoumaru, as he sifted through the messages and put them in some sort of order. He had an idea that might lay a few of Inuyasha's ghosts to rest, although he hoped his son realised what he was about to do and why; he didn't want to undo years of trust, to have Inuyasha wondering at hidden meanings again.

Schooling his features into their impassive stoicism was not difficult, it had been his normal look for centuries; but now he had to get rid of the warmer eyes that had thawed since he'd accepted Inuyasha as his son. Inuyasha might have reconsidered his position in his father's lap if he could have seen Sesshoumaru's face now as it gazed down upon him; a familiar smirk in place on the beautiful but ice cold visage.

"You would waste your tears and destroy This Sesshoumaru's forest for such puerile reasons brother? Your humanity does you no favours in giving you such an active imagination."

"Ses..Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha whispered and turned to look into his brother's face, marvelling that he could actually see the difference between his father and brother.

"It is I Little Brother and you will remain silent while I speak, for this is the last time I shall do so. You bewail the fact that I am gone, even though we did not get along; and you fear that my non-existent influence will somehow change a child's regard for you into hatred, based on the fact he looks like me. How ridiculous your human sensibilities can be; granted your experiences when you were a small pup excuse your anger and it is better it was taken out on the trees than on breaking the relationship you have with Kanmaru.

"You are such a fool sometimes, but I would not have you repeat my mistakes brother; I also can tell you, you are mistaken. This Sesshoumaru did not hate you all of the time; I was confused and although I truly was as your brother until I accepted differently, it was not always hate."

"Sesshoumaru…"

"I said speak not, whelp; you would do well to forget me and build on your new life with no doubts of your place in the hearts of those who love you. I can give you nothing else, I am too set in my ways to really change and there is no further room in my heart to grow the love you need. Your father loves you far more than I ever could, so take your place with him and let me go; Farewell brother."

"Good-bye Sesshoumaru." Inuyasha sobbed, and his father held him close as he mourned the passing of his older youkai brother, but gratefully accepted his reasoning. Sesshoumaru was surprised at the amount of grief his son held for the persona of his brother and he felt sad that he could only convince Inuyasha of the stability of his present life, by adopting the older harsh ways. It was as if the pup only understood the truth if it was with the use of cruel words. But perhaps it was not so strange; Inuyasha had always believed his brother Sesshoumaru even if he didn't like what he said, hopefully that would change.

"I'm sorry Papa; you must think me an idiot but thank you for what you said."

"You are not an idiot my son, you are entitled to get confused; I understand that your emotions are different to a full youkai but all of us need to be settled in our hearts to be happy. I would do anything to make you happy now, except keep going back to the bad ways; you will have to learn to trust me as your father and not your former brother. Do I make myself understood properly Inuyasha?"

"Yes Papa."

"I certainly hope so Inuyasha, because any more of this sort of display and I shall forget you are a father and you will only be seen as my naughty pup when I tan your backside. We will now return if you are composed."

"I'm ready and I understand; I do trust you Papa, it was just…"

"Listen carefully My Pup, the past is gone and will never return; Sesshoumaru didn't treat you as he did because all youkai see you as something to despise. He had his own selfish reasons and I can tell you truthfully that he is just as pleased to see the back of himself as I am; there is a special place deep in my being that only you fill Inuyasha; not even my full blooded pups can reach it. It is much the same as the place Rin occupies that can never be Kasaigin's.

"Our past has left scars upon me too; mainly of my own making but I am so proud of you and having your love heals me as no other could possibly do, I only hope to be able to give you the love back you deserve from me, but it can only be as your father." This was more of a confession than Sesshoumaru had ever hoped to make, but it seemed appropriate; he needed to diffuse any situation that could develop harmfully between his children, he would not have any sort of history repeating itself.

"Come on Inuyasha; you told me you were composed, now dry your eyes and let's go home." He waited for Inuyasha and together they left the new clearing, and Sesshoumaru made a mental note to get his grounds men to tidy up. When they reached the Palace, Kasaigin welcomed them home with an understanding smile and Kanmaru leapt into Inuyasha's arms and snuggled into his neck; tears coming readily as he stumbled out his apologies.

Kanmaru didn't stop until Inuyasha told him he was not cross and the child had done no wrong and he had returned the hug, needing it just as much as the pup. That was the sign for all the other pups, siblings and offspring to swamp Inuyasha as they too wanted his attention and wouldn't let Kanmaru have him alone. Sesshoumaru smiled at his eldest pup as he tried to accommodate all of the smaller ones at once;

"Make the most of it my son; there will be more come the spring." Then he actually laughed as his message got through and Inuyasha's eyes grew rounder in surprise, as Sesshoumaru put his arm round Kasaigin's waist and went inside.

TBC


	19. Grandchildren

Grandchildren

One month after the well closed for the last time on her daughter, Mama Higurashi was putting the finishing touches for a meal; she was expecting several guests. Mama had known that the well would re-open for Kagome; when her need to return to Inuyasha grew too big for her to be happy without him, and outweighed her desire for her present life.

But besides knowing her daughter very well, Mama had met and become friends with an interesting couple. She had got chatting to a lady in a department store and they had gone for coffee together when they were joined by the lady's husband. It was Kasaigin and Sesshoumaru who had deliberately set out to befriend her; neither was certain of the wisdom of such an action but it only seemed fair to warn her beforehand.

However before doing so, they had watched Kagome closely since the well closed and knew that the girl, although appearing happy for the most part was also putting on an act at home; they had seen her bone deep misery when she was away. Her scent was a giveaway and so despite the fact that she was growing healthily and developing naturally into a more adult body, the youkai could tell that she was unhappy.

Mama was certainly not ignorant of the fact either; she knew that Kagome felt torn after the euphoria of getting rid of the Shikon no Tama. She had been so very relieved to get home safely, but as time went on she missed not only Inuyasha but her friends and the life on the other side of the well; Mama actually watched her closely to make sure that Kagome didn't get such a depression that might cause her to act unwisely.

While the girl lived at home and attended school, it gave her a stable environment and kept her very busy as she caught up and learned more; helping to not give her too much time to dwell on what she had lost. Mama suspected that Kagome and Inuyasha had already formed some form of bond; she was not miko herself but she had some spirituality and could feel the aura of the pair and it had changed over the last year that the two had spent together.

If that were the case she was afraid that when Kagome finished school she would either throw herself into whatever she did next without regard for her health or would become lethargic to the point of illness. Mama wasn't sure what to do for her daughter and worried a lot until she met with Sesshoumaru and Kasaigin; they were able to confirm that a youkai could bond with its mate without an actual physical relationship, if their youki was strong enough as Inuyasha's definitely was.

With Kagome and Inuyasha their powers, miko and youki had bonded without their knowledge a few months before Naraku was killed. Neither of them was experienced enough to understand that it had happened, although Sesshoumaru knew the monk had known and he had warned the lecherous Miroku to be silent and when the time was right, the Western Lord would inform the pair. He had not had the right opportunity to do so before the well closed.

Over the course of many lunches, dinners and meetings for coffee, the youkai and human had come to know one another very well and become trusting of each other. Mama had learned that Sesshoumaru was Inuyasha's father and not his brother, when she assumed that the two had now come to an understanding and stopped trying to kill each other. She was surprised at the revelation, but was also pleased that her adopted hanyou son had found a true family who obviously now cared for him.

Of course the subject matter of Kagome's well travelling came up during their discussions; it was the reason that the initial contact had been made after all. It was left to Sesshoumaru to explain that the well would re-open for Kagome some time after she had finished school, but that it would not remain open for her to travel back and forth as she used to do.

This piece of news had been broken to Mama one evening after she had been invited to dinner and subsequently offered a room to stay for the night at their mansion while Sesshoumaru endeavoured to answer any of her questions. It was a calculated risk to inform her and thereby risking her stopping Kagome from going near the well again; but from observing her over the years and knowing that all she wanted for her children was their happiness, as parents themselves they felt it only right that she know in advance that her daughter would leave and be unable to return.

Mama Higurashi had had many questions rather naturally; she wanted to know why Sesshoumaru and Kasaigin were risking telling her this now when they had not spoken at any time before during Kagome's adventure. Sesshoumaru said that their policy had been not to interfere at all in case they compromised the time line; but if Mama had stopped Kagome at any time on the quest permanently, they might then have had to see if they could influence her.

They had watched over the young couple too while they were on their journey from this side of the well and understood how difficult it had been for Mama to let Kagome return sometimes; especially when her daughter had been upset by their son. They were also very grateful for the woman's tolerance and understanding of Inuyasha; Sesshoumaru remembered many of the times when the boy had been most obstreperous and although he understood and willingly took the blame for a lot of his son's attitude, he _wouldn't_ have blamed Mama for protecting Kagome in refusing to let her go.

As it happened Mama had proved most amenable to the young hanyou and trusted him with her daughter's safety and indeed her life. She could see beneath the pup's rough exterior and had spent many hours with him while Kagome attended her school infrequently; she knew that Inuyasha was a true soul with a large heart and she had loved him as her son. She had been just as grief stricken as her daughter when the well closed and she had seen his expression and knew the sacrifice he had made to give Kagome back before the magic pulled him towards his own time.

Mama needed to think on the ramifications of this news; she knew she could trust the youkai couple to be telling the truth and she was grateful for the warning. But she needed to deliberate on the facts; understanding fully why they had told her, but feeling the weight of decision pressing heavily. Deep in her heart though she knew that she wouldn't stop Kagome if that was what the girl really wanted; but before Mama would agree, she needed to know how Inuyasha would receive her and if he would still be stubborn about his feelings and cause her daughter more hurt.

In the morning after breakfast, Sesshoumaru, Kasaigin and Mama sat down in the comfortable lounge room to further discuss the matter. They had dropped the formalities of titles long ago;

"Sesshoumaru, truly speaking, you already know how this works out don't you? Informing me is mainly a courtesy that I am happy to receive but the outcome for you has already happened."

"One version of the timeline certainly has happened; but you could conceivably change what I know as reality. The idiosyncrasies of our children's lives being as they are bound by the time vortex are unpredictable in any case."

"In that we agree completely. I can tell you honestly that the thought of never seeing my child again fills me with despair; I know other parents go through the same thing but…I will not stand in her way Sesshoumaru if it is what she wants."

"You are a brave woman; I have always thought so, even before my son and I were reconciled and on the other side of the well. I do not know whether I have ever thanked you properly for treating Inuyasha as a person and not the vile creature most considered him. Your loving care and of course your daughter's, gave him heart to carry on and believe that his life was worth something. Had this journey not taken place I would never have had the chance to know my son; I owe you more than I can repay."

"I must know something though before I would consent to her leaving for good; if I let her go I need to know that Inuyasha will care for her and love her for all the time she lives. He must become her husband; can you reassure me that she will be the exclusive one for him?Has he missed her as much as she missed him?"

"At the moment and since the well closed Inuyasha is having a hard time in a similar way to Kagome. His greatest fear while they hunted for the shards was when Kagome left for her home; he feared the well closing on her and leaving him alone and now that has come to pass aided by his own hands. To leave her was for him, a greater sacrifice than if he'd died for her. He is busy during the day as he helps the monk with his work and if he is lucky he sleeps from exhaustion.

"When he does not sleep he often goes to a high hill and stares over the landscape lost in memories; he has done this of old. He used to believe that the spirits would take kindly to him and carry him away; that he does no more, but I always have someone on guard and they pay particular attention when he is melancholy. We are barely reconciled as of yet, he has no one that truly understands what he did in helping Kagome come home to you and he keeps his own counsel; this makes him very lonely at times.

"He visits the well every three days; a practice he doesn't realise that the kitsune told This Sesshoumaru via my ward Rin. Inuyasha's heart is desolate; the area around the well is permeated with the scent of his tears and he barely has any hope of seeing Kagome again. Unlike you who will no doubt be able to greatly encourage Kagome to keep her hopes up now that you know the truth; I was unable to give my son any such reassurance and neither was anyone else, the old miko and the monk both feel that Kagome came with the jewel and has gone in the same way.

"Inuyasha sees his friends carrying on with their lives while his gets emptier; he is included as part of the family but all it does is emphasize what he lacks and he does not even see the other girls who would like to be noticed by the now famous Inuyasha. I have seen him speaking to Kagome when he sits in Goshinboku; it is the closest he feels he can get to her and where he spends most of his nights."

It had been enough to convince Mama that Kagome would be happy for the rest of her life in the feudal times with Inuyasha and her friends there and elaborate plans had been made with Sesshoumaru, who was to provide the camera and the battery charger and other sundries that would make it easier for the girl to leave a living memento for her family. The window of time for which the well would stay open was unknown and so it meant storing stuff; hidden, but at hand for Kagome to take when she went, there would be no return trip if she left.

In the meantime Mama carried the burden of knowledge alone; she told no one, not Souta nor Grandpa, for fear that they would give the game away and Kagome would be too distracted. When the time came it was only her daughter's decision to make, Mama didn't want months of guilt piled on top of the girl that she would carry with her. But she did her part in keeping Kagome's heart and hopes buoyant; encouraging her dreams and wishes because who knew but that one day the well would hear the deepest desires of her heart.

Not until Kagome had finished school did Mama inform them all that the girl would soon have to make a decision and long hours of discussions were held around the dinner table and at bedtime. Souta instantly understood his sister's desire to return to Inuyasha and surprisingly so did Grandpa; they had seen Kagome's cheerful personality under too much strain to doubt her.

Every day since school ended, Kagome visited the well; but it wasn't until she was finally ready to take the last step to leave her family, that the well had opened and Kagome saw the feudal sky reflected at the bottom. There was no need for prolonged goodbyes; they had all been said over and over in many ways, no one was in any doubt that Kagome would be missed or that she would miss them, but lives move forward normally and Kagome's destiny was to be with Inuyasha for the rest of her life and she left with her family's blessing.

That had been one month ago and now Mama awaited the arrival of her visitors. She had been the one to suggest the time to meet Inuyasha and her grandchildren; she knew that Kagome could not be alive in the present, Sesshoumaru had been most careful to make sure that Mama understood this, but she was alive in the past. Another conundrum; but there had been many in Kagome's life and Mama was good at adapting, her daughter was alive and happy and that was all that mattered to the mother, apart from getting to know her child's offspring.

The time had arrived as a knock on the door brought Mama's attention back to the present and she opened up to Sesshoumaru. He assessed quickly whether or not she was ready for this and was fully prepared to postpone the visit if necessary, but her smiling face full of eager anticipation put his doubts to rest; at some time she would have to face the reality and she was strong. Patting her shoulder he went back outside to allow Inuyasha in alone.

He entered to see Mama holding out her arms to him and he stepped in and wrapped his own around her; he had not seen this woman who had been such a lifeline to him for centuries and his emotions were running very high.

"Inuyasha, my child…my son."

"Mama" he whispered "I can't say…thank you enough…letting her come back to me…I haven't any words…I loved her so much." With that short broken sentence Mama understood that in real terms for Inuyasha, Kagome had been gone for many years and she began to weep, but mainly her tears were for him and the loss he had suffered yet again. Inuyasha though was angry with himself for saying that, but it was the first time he'd been able to tell Mama how much he had loved her daughter; or shared in the grief of her death with someone so important to his wife.

There would be plenty of time to catch up later with details of life on the other side of the well but now it was time to meet her grandchildren; so offering Inuyasha a hankie to dry his face while she attended her own, they were soon ready and Sesshoumaru allowed his grandchildren to enter the house. He left immediately however and went to collect Kasaigin for the meal; they would leave sufficient time for the emotional meeting to have calmed down before they returned.

It didn't take long for the introductions to be made or for the pups to feel like they had always known their grandmother; she looked for Kagome's likeness in them and they saw their mother in her. Souta and Shinmaru presented Mama with the boxes containing Kagome's journals and the camera with the precious memory cards; they had been preserved for all that time as well as could be and although they showed the signs of their age, they could be read.

The meal was a great success and promises were made to visit the next day so that they could all meet their Uncle Souta and Great grandfather. Souta was overjoyed to see his hero again but was a little bashful at first meeting the pups who were all much older than he, and he too was saddened for a while that in this timeframe Kagome was no more; but like his mother he had adapted and could cheerfully accept that she was hale and hearty in the past.

Over the next few months the time was busy and the shrine house always full to capacity with Inuyasha and the pups. Mama was taking her time to read the journals that were in depth about her daughter's life and she sympathised when Kagome had written that sometimes she felt more like Inuyasha's mother rather than his mate. The journals were a candid reflection of the feudal life she was leading and Mama was pleased that her daughter had no regrets about her choices. Inuyasha had never read his mate's writings, she had made it known that they were private missives to her mother and he was too honourable to defy her wishes.

The photos were a different matter; these were a delightful reminder for the family and a very welcome glimpse into their earlier lives. Often the living room was crowded with not only Inuyasha's but also Sesshoumaru and his family came; they too were interested in the early day's pictures that filled in many of the gaps for them. Although these were happy times however; Kagome's absence was keenly felt; making it bittersweet on occasion for all concerned.

Eventually a pattern emerged and calm once again descended upon the reunited and now extended family; and it was time for Mama to speak again privately with Inuyasha.

"I've never truly thanked you for giving Kagome back to us my son and I do so now; you have made us all so happy with the family too, I am very proud of you both."

"Feh Mama, I'm just glad you let her go again; she was my heart."

"It must have been extremely lonely for you since she passed" There was no answer to this nor did she expect one. "Inuyasha, you know I consider you my son don't you?"

"Yes Mama; you have always made it clear and I have treasured that for the longest time."

"Then why have you hidden your other pups from me…their honorary grandmother."

"Mama…how...?"

"Four hundred years alone is a very long time and I know Kagome wanted you to find someone after her; she was very concerned that you not spend the rest of your life in mourning and I am sure that in your father's court someone will have seen your worth."

"Oh Mama, I mated a niece of Kasaigin one hundred and thirty years ago; we met at one of Papa's social functions and got on well. She understands about my feelings for Kagome and has never rebuked me for them; as Mama Kasaigin advised her, she has made her own place in my heart without trying to make me forget Kagome. In fact it was she who suggested we name our first daughter Kagome."

"Inuyasha I would dearly love to meet my new daughter in law and grandchildren, I am lucky really, I have a daughter and family alive and well in the past and one in the future, how many pups are there?"

"Only three, youkai are slower than humans to reproduce…you are sure this is what you want?"

"Of course dear; I won't pretend that sometimes I do find it all hard to deal with, but life goes on and the sooner we deal with its vagaries the better, you are my son, and I feel your children are partly mine as well and I don't want you feeling shame over them around me for any reason."

"Thank you Mama; you really are the most remarkable lady."

THE END


End file.
